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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by devvo
As for your decision to break up with the erstwhile GF, I think you did the right thing. It's always devastating to find out you've wasted valuable time and heart space on somebody who doesn't see you as a priority, so you letting her go was the right thing to do. Hopefully the universe rewards you soon.
So to clarify I didn't feel like she didn't see me a priority. Actually she felt more like I didn't see her as one. Our time was limited but I was ok with that. We were just in two different places with the pace of the relationship.

Sorry - I should've made it clear that I knew she wasn't a priority for you. To me that was obvious. It probably was to her as well, but she didn't have the strength to break it off with you. It was good of you to do it for her, especially considering you could easily have ambled along with it for quite a while longer.

I think the old saying "When you 'know' you'll know" is 100% correct. When you meet somebody who is a good match I suspect you'll know well within the timeframe you had with this lady.


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Originally Posted by devvo
Sorry - I should've made it clear that I knew she wasn't a priority for you. To me that was obvious. It probably was to her as well, but she didn't have the strength to break it off with you. It was good of you to do it for her, especially considering you could easily have ambled along with it for quite a while longer.
I wouldn't say she wasn't a priority to me. I just can't jump all-in in the beginning. It's kinda like I don't get people who fall in love online. I have to physically be with someone for a good amount of time before I can decide if they are a good long-term match for me. Also, technically she broke it off with me because she wasn't happy with my answer to "where do you see this going long-term"?

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Good Morning LH

Originally Posted by LH19
I don't get people who fall in love online. I have to physically be with someone for a good amount of time before I can decide if they are a good long-term match for me.

I think the key is time, rather than physical proximity.

We all fall in love and love the person we have constructed within our mind and heart. No one can truly and completely know another. Heck, we don’t completely know ourselves. That realization and admission allows one to cut other folks some slack. smile

Be it physically together or otherwise, we craft who we believe them to be (and yes wish them to be) based upon their words and actions. How they speak to us and others; and treat themselves, us, and others.

An online bully is a pretty unlovable character. A sincere person garners respect and trust, the foundation of love. And of course, we all filter inputs through our own lens and bias / prejudice. If you noticed, a bully was a character; sincerity was granted status of person. My lens and filter in action right there.

I’ve been here for four years now. Have spoken with and crafted my view of many people here. And I do care. And for some I care a whole lot more. Four years is a good long time to get to know someone; anonymous as it is.

Anonymity is an interesting thing. Folks can be more themselves. My bias, is that folks actually are more themselves when anonymous. A bully ain’t going to only bully when anonymous. They will try to keep that behaviour hidden away in public, yet in their mind… well a tiger don’t shed its stripes that easily.

And someone who is compassionate and caring to anonymous strangers, well how do you suppose they are in real life. Anonymity shows us more of who they/we are - just without a name attached.

Again, time and sincere conversation and interaction is one of the requisites to lead to love, in my humble opinion. The forum is secondary. Although physical interaction will certainly speed that process up, to whatever end.

The big downside to no physical interaction, just online, is the fantasy aspect. No, not “romantic fantasy” or some such, the internal construction of another person. It is astronomical odds that one would craft someone accurately. The timbre of their voice, their look, the sparkle in their eyes, and so on. Conversely, physical interaction certainly displays those characteristics. It’s then the internal working that are at first fantasy.

Hence, the time needed to see if one fits or not.

OLD certainly can filter profiles (note not people, profiles) to one’s criteria. And people are very resourceful creating profiles that get through other’s filters. Seems a rather frustrating exercise, from either side of the equation. And OLD is an equation/algorithm and business. A business which is good at generating dates. That’s in their claim - online dating. Initiating a long term relationship probably requires a bit more effort than swiping.

If I were interested in running/jogging. Instead of looking for someone who says they are too, I’d find them at the park running and jogging. They’d be out there. And they’d be local.

A stable man would be stopping in at Home Depot or the grocery store after work; like 5:00 pm. Or perhaps look early Saturday morning for those guys. The one’s who don’t drink all night and stumble out around noon. Got a job, and are responsible. It’s pretty easy to see, if you look in the right places.

A gal who enjoys long moonlit walks on the beach, would be out in the moonlight.

And so on.

Online, a few follow up questions quickly filter out the imposters. The feel of the cold wet sand between their toes or whatever. (By the way, for anyone interested, I do not walk barefoot under the moonlight in my yard. The sandy soil has far too many thistles amidst the grass and me yipping every couple of steps detracts from the silvery glow. Of course that is in summer, currently it’s -26C and two feet of snow. Lol)

Oops. A bit off track. I agree we are all wanting to know more of what’s inside someone than outside. Values, beliefs, convictions. Substance. Before we jump all in. And that takes time and interaction.

I’ve been looking at my priorities/ hierarchy within my life. Your post has been helpful. Thank you.

Have a great day.

D


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Originally Posted by DnJ
Good Morning LH

Originally Posted by LH19
I don't get people who fall in love online. I have to physically be with someone for a good amount of time before I can decide if they are a good long-term match for me.

I think the key is time, rather than physical proximity.

We all fall in love and love the person we have constructed within our mind and heart. No one can truly and completely know another. Heck, we don’t completely know ourselves. That realization and admission allows one to cut other folks some slack. smile

Be it physically together or otherwise, we craft who we believe them to be (and yes wish them to be) based upon their words and actions. How they speak to us and others; and treat themselves, us, and others.

An online bully is a pretty unlovable character. A sincere person garners respect and trust, the foundation of love. And of course, we all filter inputs through our own lens and bias / prejudice. If you noticed, a bully was a character; sincerity was granted status of person. My lens and filter in action right there.

I’ve been here for four years now. Have spoken with and crafted my view of many people here. And I do care. And for some I care a whole lot more. Four years is a good long time to get to know someone; anonymous as it is.

Anonymity is an interesting thing. Folks can be more themselves. My bias, is that folks actually are more themselves when anonymous. A bully ain’t going to only bully when anonymous. They will try to keep that behaviour hidden away in public, yet in their mind… well a tiger don’t shed its stripes that easily.

And someone who is compassionate and caring to anonymous strangers, well how do you suppose they are in real life. Anonymity shows us more of who they/we are - just without a name attached.

Again, time and sincere conversation and interaction is one of the requisites to lead to love, in my humble opinion. The forum is secondary. Although physical interaction will certainly speed that process up, to whatever end.

The big downside to no physical interaction, just online, is the fantasy aspect. No, not “romantic fantasy” or some such, the internal construction of another person. It is astronomical odds that one would craft someone accurately. The timbre of their voice, their look, the sparkle in their eyes, and so on. Conversely, physical interaction certainly displays those characteristics. It’s then the internal working that are at first fantasy.

Hence, the time needed to see if one fits or not.

OLD certainly can filter profiles (note not people, profiles) to one’s criteria. And people are very resourceful creating profiles that get through other’s filters. Seems a rather frustrating exercise, from either side of the equation. And OLD is an equation/algorithm and business. A business which is good at generating dates. That’s in their claim - online dating. Initiating a long term relationship probably requires a bit more effort than swiping.

If I were interested in running/jogging. Instead of looking for someone who says they are too, I’d find them at the park running and jogging. They’d be out there. And they’d be local.

A stable man would be stopping in at Home Depot or the grocery store after work; like 5:00 pm. Or perhaps look early Saturday morning for those guys. The one’s who don’t drink all night and stumble out around noon. Got a job, and are responsible. It’s pretty easy to see, if you look in the right places.

A gal who enjoys long moonlit walks on the beach, would be out in the moonlight.

And so on.

Online, a few follow up questions quickly filter out the imposters. The feel of the cold wet sand between their toes or whatever. (By the way, for anyone interested, I do not walk barefoot under the moonlight in my yard. The sandy soil has far too many thistles amidst the grass and me yipping every couple of steps detracts from the silvery glow. Of course that is in summer, currently it’s -26C and two feet of snow. Lol)

Oops. A bit off track. I agree we are all wanting to know more of what’s inside someone than outside. Values, beliefs, convictions. Substance. Before we jump all in. And that takes time and interaction.

I’ve been looking at my priorities/ hierarchy within my life. Your post has been helpful. Thank you.

Have a great day.

D
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LH - I'd be highly suspicious of someone my age who wanted to "jump all in" from the beginning without getting to really know me first, too.

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Having read through the above and the pitfalls of OLD, would anybody recommend this route or doing it the old fashioned way and getting out there via meetup and walking groups as i read somewhere that words are only 7% of us and the other 93% are body language and actions - which you cannot get from a profile of 2000 words!

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I would recommend doing both.

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So I have a date set with a lawyer next week, she has Covid right now. I was afraid to ask if she was vaccinated because I am not sure if that is politically correct. She is skinny and blonde but doesn't look tan (if her pics are real). I am guessing because she is a lawyer she is not one of my typical bimbo floozies (insert LH eyeroll). I guess I am going outside the box.

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Originally Posted by LH19
So I have a date set with a lawyer next week.
That statement could have multiple meanings around here...glad to hear it's a social date and not an business appointment!


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Originally Posted by LH19
So I have a date set with a lawyer next week, she has Covid right now. I was afraid to ask if she was vaccinated because I am not sure if that is politically correct. She is skinny and blonde but doesn't look tan (if her pics are real). I am guessing because she is a lawyer she is not one of my typical bimbo floozies (insert LH eyeroll). I guess I am going outside the box.

I know lawyers who are floozies. My ex’s OW is a lawyer. She’s a floozies.

I know some dumb lawyers. And I know some smart lawyers. Being a lawyer doesn’t make you automatically smart.

Of course she is skinny and blonde. And I’m sure in the summer she will look crispy.

It is absolutely OK to ask if someone is vaccinated. When you have loved ones you don’t want to expose, knowing this is very important. The reason why vaccination is not such a personal choice is because it does affect others when they aren’t vaccinated

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