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#2927945 01/03/22 01:27 PM
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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Interesting:

Don't post kids are your life do post kids are your life.

Don't post dead fish do post dead fish.

I guess everyone has different opinions and some project their feelings onto others.

So this morning I woke up to a super sweet text happy new year from the last girl I dated. Hmmm is she just sweet or does she want something? (Insert fingers under chin emoji)


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Do NOT post "my kids are my life" (my world, my everything, or whatever particular phrase one would use). If this is true (which it is for the vast majority of moms and dads) then it goes without saying. Like G said, if you post it, you are trying to prove something or trying to get out of something (paraphrasing what she said). It has been my experience (and I think I have actually posted it before) that if someone insists that they are or aren't something, they are usually exactly the opposite of what they say. For example, I had a boss one time who took great pride in telling people that he wasn't a micromanager. Well, guess what, he WAS a micromanager and everyone but him could see it. So, if you tell me in a dating profile that your kids are your world, I'm going to assume the opposite. Because if they really are your world, why do you even need to say it?

Everyone before me gave great advice on dating profiles, but I think the big no nos for me are the gushing posts about kids (trying too hard), bathroom or shirtless gym selfies, sunglass selfies, group selfies where you are not clearly identified, any "clever" lines like "no fat chicks" or anything downgrading anyone else. Sure, have preferences and iterate those, but don't be rude about it.

And to LH's point, yes women can be just as shallow as men. A lot of women have a height hang-up and won't talk to guys shorter than a certain height. For some reason this seems to be more prevalent with shorter women and I'm not sure why. I'm tall for a woman (5'11"), and I would LIKE to have a guy taller then me but if he isn't, oh well. Fortunately, Sparky is very tall (6'4"), so we're good there, but I wouldn't have tossed him aside if he'd been 5'8".

Oh and AMEN to G's point about "school of hard knocks" for education. For the love of all things sparkly and new, do NOT, under any circumstances, use that. It is beyond ridiculous and so super cringe.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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My only must is from a famous movie line "eyebrows. There should be two of them." lol


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You only have so much space to capture someone’s attention. Personally, as a woman, I don’t post pics of my kids or talk about them because I don’t want to attract anyone who is more interested in my kids than me…for obvious reasons. Also…I am so much more than my kids’ mom.

RE: group pictures or pics with other people. I am not saying you shouldn’t post any group pictures but do not make a group picture or a picture of you and someone else as your main photo. Worse…do not post a pic of you and someone else as the only picture and not identify which one is you. I’ve seen that more than once and unless you are both equally attractive so that people don’t care which one is you, most people would probably swipe left.

Yes…the school of hard knocks is cringeworthy.It makes it appear that you have a judgment about people who have attained higher levels of education…comes across as a bit bitter. Just be honest. If your profile comes across as intelligent overall, very few people, IMO, would care about your level of formal education. Honesty and self confidence is way more important than where and for how long you went to school.

I don’t really care about fish pictures one way or the other. If I could eliminate the shirtless bathroom selfie from OLD altogether, I would. I have rarely, if ever, swiped right on anyone who has that in their profile.

LH - Regarding your text from the ex girlfriend. That’s a tough one. All behaviour has meaning, no doubt, so maybe. However, I received Merry Christmas and/or Happy New Year messages from a number of exes that I highly doubt have any hidden agendas. In fact, I have sent a couple myself. If you return her text and strike up a conversation and she keeps texting you, than it could be a kind of temperature check. In my experience, holidays, especially Xmas and NY, often prompt out-of-the-blue texts from ghosts of dating past. I don’t read anything into it unless the texts keep coming days later. smile


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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LH I live in a place where fishin', campin' and shootin' are favourite pastimes of the majority of the male (and lots of the female) population. I am not particularly keen on any of those activities, mainly because they involve getting very hot and sweaty and worrying about creatures that want to eat me. In the OLD world, I mark down any profile with a photo of a dead fish, and swipe left on any man who thinks showcasing himself alongside a dead mammal is in any way attractive.

Also hate shirtless selfies, ones with unnamed female companions and can confidently state I will never, ever date anybody who has been to the School of Hard Knocks or the University of Life. I've never met a man who says either of those things (there are an awful lot of them in my town) who respects my education or even my opinion. I agree with the others they are usually bitter people with little to recommend.

I really liked DejaVu's tips. I think they should be published as a meme or a blog post - it'd end up going viral!

As for your decision to break up with the erstwhile GF, I think you did the right thing. It's always devastating to find out you've wasted valuable time and heart space on somebody who doesn't see you as a priority, so you letting her go was the right thing to do. Hopefully the universe rewards you soon.


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Originally Posted by DejaVu6
LH - Regarding your text from the ex girlfriend. That’s a tough one. All behaviour has meaning, no doubt, so maybe. However, I received Merry Christmas and/or Happy New Year messages from a number of exes that I highly doubt have any hidden agendas. In fact, I have sent a couple myself. If you return her text and strike up a conversation and she keeps texting you, than it could be a kind of temperature check. In my experience, holidays, especially Xmas and NY, often prompt out-of-the-blue texts from ghosts of dating past. I don’t read anything into it unless the texts keep coming days later. smile
Truthfully I am just fascinated with the ex dynamic. I am pretty sure her stance hasn't changed. She wants to get married someday and I most likely will never married again. Most definitely not before my daughter is done with school and she is only in 8th grade.

So this was the text. You be the judge. Good will or more people?

Hi. Just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year and I saw that the (my favorite football team) won today! Wishing you happiness, health and good fortune in the new year. You deserve it all and hope all works out for you with your job interview/s (smiley waving emoji lol)


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Oh yes, Devvo...."University of Life" is equally as cringey as school of hard knocks. Like you and DV, I find that men who put those in their profile tend to downplay my education because it is just "fancy book learnin'" so it can't possibly be anything noteworthy. I don't hit people over the head with my degrees, but at the same time, I value them and I worked hard for them so I am very proud of them. I need someone who also has that same level of respect for education, even if they don't have the same educational background. I don't care about degrees for other people. My husband doesn't have a college degree and he's very intelligent just as he is, but he respects education...just wasn't the path he chose for himself.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Originally Posted by devvo
As for your decision to break up with the erstwhile GF, I think you did the right thing. It's always devastating to find out you've wasted valuable time and heart space on somebody who doesn't see you as a priority, so you letting her go was the right thing to do. Hopefully the universe rewards you soon.
So to clarify I didn't feel like she didn't see me a priority. Actually she felt more like I didn't see her as one. Our time was limited but I was ok with that. We were just in two different places with the pace of the relationship.


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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
LH - Regarding your text from the ex girlfriend. That’s a tough one. All behaviour has meaning, no doubt, so maybe. However, I received Merry Christmas and/or Happy New Year messages from a number of exes that I highly doubt have any hidden agendas. In fact, I have sent a couple myself. If you return her text and strike up a conversation and she keeps texting you, than it could be a kind of temperature check. In my experience, holidays, especially Xmas and NY, often prompt out-of-the-blue texts from ghosts of dating past. I don’t read anything into it unless the texts keep coming days later. smile
Truthfully I am just fascinated with the ex dynamic. I am pretty sure her stance hasn't changed. She wants to get married someday and I most likely will never married again. Most definitely not before my daughter is done with school and she is only in 8th grade.

So this was the text. You be the judge. Good will or more people?

Hi. Just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year and I saw that the (my favorite football team) won today! Wishing you happiness, health and good fortune in the new year. You deserve it all and hope all works out for you with your job interview/s (smiley waving emoji lol)

I remember reading somewhere that women need to stop using the word Just in emails/correspondence as it makes their message seem weak and wishy washy. After thinking about it, yes, I concur with that assessment. This email is a good example. Good will, certainly but also keeping the door open for more is my vote.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

If we don't look into the darkness we won't find the light.

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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