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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I think dejavu summed that up wonderfully. She’s pretty spot on, although I do like some clean beards. Lol.

Leave your kids out of your profile. As in out of your description and out of your pictures. There is a section where you can say you have kids and if you are divorced. No need to use your “about new” section on that. “My kids are my world” or “father first” are also a big no no.

THIS.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
No gym selfies please. No dead fish pictures with a hat and sunglasses where I can’t see uou anyways. A smile almost always grabs me. Men rarely smile, and try to look all badass and it doesn’t work.

Maybe an activity pic would be ok, tho? I like to see people active (kayaking, hiking or similar interests). YES. Smile. No badassery.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
For the love of god don’t put “school of hard knocks” under education
Oh holy night, Ginger is completely right!! Do. Not. ugh. bleck. gah! Just no.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Be the guy a woman wants to talk to if she met you out in the wild.

lol "in the wild'. I like that.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Originally Posted by 97Hope
Originally Posted by Ginger1
“My kids are my world” or “father first” are also a big no no.

THIS.

Um so not totally sure who said what or who added the bold, but what’s a big no no? Posting my kids are my world or come first, or feeling that way? Or maybe it’s both? But would anyone really respect any father who didn’t put his kids first? Would you really want to date that kind of a man? And regardless of if he puts it in his profile or not, its likely the truth. I mean spoken or not, it’s just reality for any quality man or woman. If both the girlfriend (or boyfriend) and child are drowning and he/she can only save one of you, is there any doubt who it is going to be? Expecting to be put ahead of the children is just kidding yourself.

This is why dating anyone with children - especially minor children - is so very difficult and challenging. The kids are always going to come first. You will have little say in how they are parented and disciplined and if it comes down to choosing, the choice will always be the child. Of course that does not mean there can’t be room for the SO. But it’s also why many don’t date or at least seriously date until the kids age 18. It’s also why many second marriages with minor children fail.

It’s just the way it is - whether spoken or admitted or not.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
LH19 #2927942 01/03/22 03:57 AM
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Originally Posted by DonH
You will have little say in how they are parented and disciplined and if it comes down to choosing, the choice will always be the child.

It’s just the way it is - whether spoken or admitted or not.
Don, that may be what dating YOU would be like, but there are many men and women with different takes on what a blended family may look like. They are not lying just because their concepts disagree with yours.

Many years ago I was best friends with a woman whose son adored me. She wanted me to parent, discipline, and be his father figure--which is ultimately why I didn't pursue a deeper relationship. It wasn't a role I was willing to accept. She found and married another guy years ago who was and her son seems very happy to have a real father figure in his life.

"If it comes down to choosing.."--oh? Do you have more than one child? If it comes down to choosing, which do you choose?! Outside of science fiction lifeboat scenarios, you balance the needs of your kids, you don't pick one.

LH19 #2927943 01/03/22 04:26 AM
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Quote
Also…no pictures of you looking like Grizzly Adams, the Unibomber or a long lost member of ZZTop

Lol or Santa Claus!

As for the dead fish photos - if you’re looking for a woman who likes fishing, or at least won’t mind if you’re gone fishing all the time, then go ahead and post them! The one guy I dated since my divorce who I did NOT meet online (Mr Big Lots) is a really avid fisherman and always posts pictures on FB of himself fishing. If he were online dating, those pictures would be an accurate representation of him and his interests, and could work as a good screening tool. (Of course, he’s hella handsome even dangling a dead fish so he has that going for him).

Definitely no bathroom selfies. Definitely do identify any females in the photos. Don’t use photos with the woman cropped out - makes me assume it’s a photo of you with an ex-wife of girlfriend. I DO like photos of a guy with other people - shows me he has friends!

As for opening lines - I liked it when a guy would say something that showed he had actually read my profile. Like - “you play drums? I play bass in a blues band” or “what time of year did you climb Mt Whitney? I climbed Rainier once”. If you make a joke make sure it’s not a stupid one. Just asking a simple question like “how did you get interested in playing the drums” or “ what’s your favorite country you’ve visited” is okay too, so long as that’s something mentioned in my profile. What doesn’t work is a generic “what’s up?” that you’ve sent to 100 other women whose profiles you haven’t read.

DonH #2927944 01/03/22 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by 97Hope
Originally Posted by Ginger1
“My kids are my world” or “father first” are also a big no no.

THIS.

Um so not totally sure who said what or who added the bold, but what’s a big no no? Posting my kids are my world or come first, or feeling that way? Or maybe it’s both? But would anyone really respect any father who didn’t put his kids first? Would you really want to date that kind of a man? And regardless of if he puts it in his profile or not, its likely the truth. I mean spoken or not, it’s just reality for any quality man or woman. If both the girlfriend (or boyfriend) and child are drowning and he/she can only save one of you, is there any doubt who it is going to be? Expecting to be put ahead of the children is just kidding yourself.

This is why dating anyone with children - especially minor children - is so very difficult and challenging. The kids are always going to come first. You will have little say in how they are parented and disciplined and if it comes down to choosing, the choice will always be the child. Of course that does not mean there can’t be room for the SO. But it’s also why many don’t date or at least seriously date until the kids age 18. It’s also why many second marriages with minor children fail.

It’s just the way it is - whether spoken or admitted or not.

Me. I put it! Anyone who has to take that small
Space on their about me on a dating profile to say that is always doing 1 of 2 things.

1) they are trying to prove something. Parents put their kids first. It’s a given. No need for a declaration on a dating app. Most of them actually see their kids on the weekends and make this big declaration

2) “my kids are my world” well, really??? 9/10 it’s a cop out so that they can use that as an excuse to never put you anywhere on their priority list.

The best parents I have ever dated we’re the ones not shouting it from the rooftops on a dating app.

New Thread:

Middle Age Dating II

Last edited by job; 01/03/22 01:56 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
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