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For the record I would crush her in ping pong.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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bttrfly Offline OP
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Most parents I know do things for their kids' sakes, even when they don't want to. I think SuperG said it best - no one is putting you in that sitch, so don't worry about it.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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Also I’m jealous that I’m not in that mindset.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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it's ok LH. Many days I'm not either. It's a process.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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oh boy ... it's happened. i was in my room, sleeping in, when i heard a faint yet continuous "cockadoodledo" from Odysseus. On the one hand, aw, little man is growing up! on the other, uh oh, the Jig. Is. Up.

So he's feeling comfortable enough to do his rooster thang, but unfortunately, he's announcing his presence to the neighborhood, and we are NOT supposed to have roosters.

Starting to look for a home for him elsewhere again. frown


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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Aww. I know that feeling, butterfly. I petsit a dog this week that didn't meet HOA guidelines and every time it barked at a neighbor's cat I felt a bit of anxiety. Hope you find a good home!



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Originally Posted by LH19
So how do you let them off the hook and still hold them accountable?

Re-visiting this because I just had a conversation with a friend and something there made me think of this discussion.

It's the same as hating someone's behavior but not hating the person. Separating the two. Is that more clear ?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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Bttrfly!! I am catching up and read that you are Italian, too!! lol no wonder we get each other! <3

Ok, I know some of you guys got a bit serious, but I like the mario Kart analogy.
I had to attend a graduation of S20 and XH wasn't supposed to be there, but then he was.

I was polite. Period.
He tried to engage in small talk and I treated him like the stranger he is. Polite.
I don't know if I could have played mario kart with him. Know too much about strangulation and have been working out. (jokes, people!). But my youngest is the 20 y/o, so I don't have to and the grandsons don't expect it or ask for it. I think they like the time they get with me where they don't have to share the attention, tbh.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by LH19
So how do you let them off the hook and still hold them accountable?

Re-visiting this because I just had a conversation with a friend and something there made me think of this discussion.

It's the same as hating someone's behavior but not hating the person. Separating the two. Is that more clear ?
Nope. I need a picture painted. How’s does Ms. Butterfly hold ex Mr. Butterfly accountable?


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Hiya LH19.

DnJ phrased it better than I can (I copied the quote on my thread that includes this) but basically saying they owe you nothing for the damage they did. Holding someone accountable can look like no trust, loss of relationship, change of relationship, depending on the injustice done toward a person.

I hate what my XH did to the family, me and our future. I won't be in a relationship with him ever again. I will be polite, I no longer want him to suffer. I let it go. (let him off the hook). The accountability is - he does not have access to my heart or my life, to include my emotions.

He's free to make his choices without any interference with me (off the hook), and I don't share my life with him (accountability). I will be polite to him (off the hook), but I will not act like his wife (accountability). I choose how I respond to him. I might play mario kart with him, for my children's benefit (off the hook), but I don't have to (accountability). It's all my choice.

That's what it looks like for me, at any rate. I think we all have different boundaries, appropriately so.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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