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LH19 #2927898 01/02/22 04:19 PM
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Yo G-money. What kind of opening message tickles your loins lol?

A specific question about your bio?

Please give an example. Thx!


M:51 W:46
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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
BL42 #2927899 01/02/22 05:25 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
In honor of Don H. I am firing up the dating apps tomorrow and see where it takes me in 2022. I did some research and read that it takes the average man to send 114 messages to receive 1 response. I guess that’s why OLD is frustrating lol.
Any Day 1 or 2 success? New accounts based on resolutions are probably being created out there as we type! Honestly just a few months of OLD and I'm thinking DonH isn't too far off. Definitely not coming across much substance out there, or seeing CWarrior's proclaimed flood of dates.[/quote]


when i start the road to dating - is this what i am due to expect!

Wow - i was hoping that lonely ladies would be only too willing to want to talk to me! how wrong it seems i am!!

is there a time of year when its easier to talk than other times?

LH19 #2927901 01/02/22 05:49 PM
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Originally Posted by BL42
Definitely not coming across much substance out there, or seeing CWarrior's proclaimed flood of dates.

Originally Posted by LH19
I am a decent looking dude who is in shape, has a career, a house and lives alone and I probably get 1 out of 10 returned. Do some research on it and it will make you feel better. Don't compare yourself to CW he is a rarity in OLDing.
My success in getting replies and dates is only rare because more men don't write profiles the way I do.

Photos - Mine test better than 67% of men per 30s/40s women. I'm NOT super hot, nor ugly. What tested well? A mix of face, body, activity, and group shots. Keep your clothes on, at least until you meet. wink

Profile - I learned in marketing you close more deals if 33% of your target demographic rates you a 9 and 67% rate you a 4, than if 100% rate you a 6--so whatever is unique about you, PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE! If you're a huge hockey fan, or you have a fetish for martial arts, or you only date women with degrees--that makes you a GREAT match for some and a TERRIBLE match for others. Don't be profile #492 that likes walks on the beach. Be brave. Filtering at the profile stage is cheap!

Human-to-Human - Always remember there's a human on the other side of the screen with a life and career and feelings. If you match, don't treat them like a number, treat them like you'd want to be treated.

The above work for me in both LTR and Casual sections.

LH19 #2927907 01/02/22 06:49 PM
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In full disclosure, 4 out of 5 dentists recommended my photos on Match.com


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927908 01/02/22 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
In full disclosure, 4 out of 5 dentists recommended my photos on Match.com
It costs about $5 to test a set of photos with your desired demographic. For me, that's a worthwhile investment. I'm an engineer at heart, so like Andrew, I thrive on actionable data. It was sometimes surprising to me which of my photos--all accurate pictures taken by myself or friends--scored in the 40th percentile vs in the 70th percentile.

LH19 #2927909 01/02/22 07:24 PM
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Great advice CW!! I concur with everything you wrote. As a woman, it is a quick swipe left if the profile shows no personality or looks like 100 others. I have often wanted to swipe right just to give the person some advice…lol. If I did do that, here is what I would say…

1. Don’t post pictures of yourself frowning. Even if you don’t want to show a big toothy grin, at least have a half smile that reaches your eyes. Also…no pictures of you looking like Grizzly Adams, the Unibomber or a long lost member of ZZTop. If you have facial hair, it should be neatly trimmed so you look like you take care of yourself. Maybe the odd person would swipe right on that look but I think the vast majority would not. I see pictures like that and my first thought is that the person has given up. Yes, that’s a judgment but honestly, that’s what first impressions are based on. So be aware that if you look like you have given up taking care of yourself, the only person swiping right is someone who is of a similar mindset.

2. Please…no shirtless pictures unless you are on a beach. The bathroom mirror selfies are not a seller. If you look too good, many women would be intimidated and/or think you are all about your looks or they think it can’t possibly be you. If you don’t look good, that’s not doing you any favours either. Also…no selfies of you lying in your bed with your head on a pillow. It’s just not a good look. Personally, that’s a view I would rather see in person once I’ve gotten to know someone well enough.

3. Don’t post pictures that were obviously taken 30 years ago or pictures of yourself with other people…especially if they are more attractive than you. That’s just not smart. I’ve seen a number of profiles where the main picture is of two guys with one being more attractive. Scroll down and you find out the profile is for the other guy. It’s just an automatic letdown and a swipe left. Also no pictures of you and other women unless you clearly identify in your profile that she is your sister, daughter or some other relative. That’s key. If you post a picture of you and someone who looks like a model who is not related to you, only women who feel like they can compete with her will swipe right. The subliminal message is, “you have to look like this person to get my attention.” And if it’s clearly a picture of you and someone you don’t know (i.e. you and a waitress at Hooters), you just look desperate. If you want to post it because it’s a great picture of you than photoshop the other person out.

4. Write something about yourself!! If you only post pictures, it says you are either so conceited that you think pictures are enough to attract someone, so boring you have nothing to say, or you aren’t really investing in the process therefore unlikely to invest in a date. And when you do write something, do NOT be negative and talk about all the things you don’t want. You just sound bitter and angry and no one wants to go out with someone like that. Also…proofread what you write out loud so you can hear how it sounds when someone is reading it. And spell check!! A spelling mistake or two is okay but if your profile has a lot of them, you come across as not very intelligent.

5. Think carefully about what you write. You want it to be unique to you, somewhat lighthearted, non-judgmental [of yourself and/or others] and give the reader an idea of what you have to offer and also what you are looking for. The goal of a write up is to pique someone’s interest enough that they want to take a chance on you. You also want to come across as approachable, friendly, and confident but not too confident.

6. Think about the kind of person you are trying to attract. If there are people in your life who emulate what you are looking for, ask them what it is they would look for in a profile and get them to review yours.

Anyway…that’s my two cents. Best of luck in 2022 to those of you planning to walk through this minefield of internet dating. It’s an interesting process, to say the least. My best advice is to not get too invested in someone before you meet them or have high expectations. Keep your expectations reasonable and enjoy the process of meeting new people that you would likely never meet any other way. I haven’t met “the one” yet but I’ve had some fun and made a few new friends so it hasn’t been a waste of time.

Happy New Year LH!! Hopefully this wasn’t too much of a hijack! (((HUGS))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

LH19 #2927916 01/02/22 09:51 PM
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I love Hijacks. Mine is always an open thread.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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Originally Posted by markw
Originally Posted by LH19
In honor of Don H. I am firing up the dating apps tomorrow and see where it takes me in 2022. I did some research and read that it takes the average man to send 114 messages to receive 1 response. I guess that’s why OLD is frustrating lol.
Any Day 1 or 2 success? New accounts based on resolutions are probably being created out there as we type! Honestly just a few months of OLD and I'm thinking DonH isn't too far off. Definitely not coming across much substance out there, or seeing CWarrior's proclaimed flood of dates.


when i start the road to dating - is this what i am due to expect!

Wow - i was hoping that lonely ladies would be only too willing to want to talk to me! how wrong it seems i am!!

is there a time of year when its easier to talk than other times?[/quote]

It will start to pick up today. In my experience Nov - Dec is the slowest time. In full disclosure I do not have a problem getting dates. My problem is that I’m too picky. I have zero problems being alone so I am patient. DejaVu gave great advice above. Ginger would be happy to help. Let’s work on your profile. Unfortunately women are just about as shallow as men so you got to have some good pics and a tight profile. The three things 90% of women are looking for is loyalty, communication and humor. Great buzz words would be spontaneous, intelligent, chivalrous. Also 90% of them love hiking, kayaking, the beach, wine tasting and concerts.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927921 01/02/22 11:28 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
Wow - i was hoping that lonely ladies would be only too willing to want to talk to me! how wrong it seems i am!!

This cracked me up!! lol

I love Deja's advice. All very solid from my POV. I will not OLD, but for personal reasons, I certainly don't knock it and have a few friends that have made some wonderful friendships from it. I watch TT's and live vicariously through their OLD experiences.

I'm reminded of what my Gma always said "there is a lid for every kettle".

I think my advice, since you didn't ask, would be to just be yourself. If you see someone you would like to get to know, ask.

You might be missing a nice lady in the produce section.

Also, be careful with lonely people. Date for enhancement to your life, or for the enhancement of another's life, but not to fill a void, or to be a void filler.

It is good to be here reading up on the convos. I've missed this group.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
LH19 #2927930 01/02/22 11:54 PM
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I think dejavu summed that up wonderfully. She’s pretty spot on, although I do like some clean beards. Lol.

Leave your kids out of your profile. As in out of your description and out of your pictures. There is a section where you can say you have kids and if you are divorced. No need to use your “about new” section on that. “My kids are my world” or “father first” are also a big no no.

No gym selfies please. No dead fish pictures with a hat and sunglasses where I can’t see uou anyways.

A smile almost always grabs me. Men rarely smile, and try to look all badass and it doesn’t work.

Your profile should actually be about you, it everything you don’t want in someone else . And it should grab someone’s attention like she said and have something in there you would really like to get to know more. Something that is going to generate a little conversation. “Just ask” gets a hard swipe left for me.

Full body shot always should be included.

For the love of god don’t put “school of hard knocks” under education

Be the guy a woman wants to talk to if she met you out in the wild.

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