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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
There is nothing better than true friends, I'm happy for you that you have at least 3 in your life mate. Going through the sh!tty times reveals your friends true colours, its almost like its a gift.
Health, great friends/family and good kids is all you need in life. Anything else is just a cherry on top. I am helping a friend go through his eventual D and he always tells me he doesn't know what he would do with out me.


Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Have you heard from the lady since you ended things?
No. I don't expect to for awhile. She would have to have different goals moving forward and I am not so sure she ever will. She's a pretty strong chick and knows what she wants and I can't see her settling for anything less anytime soon.

On a side note, I did hear yesterday from a girl I dated which ended because we lived in different countries and then the pandemic hit. I had lost a ring in her bed one night. Went to sleep it was on and woke up it was gone. Search high and low and couldn't find it. She sent me a picture saying of it saying "look what I found". I find this stuff fascinating. I remember reading once that 90% of the time an ex will eventually reach out for something.

I had a great road trip with my kids yesterday. I use to think there was something missing on these trips buy I don't anymore. We are a family of three and I believe that is how we are going to stay for awhile.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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LH19 #2927536 12/20/21 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
Health, great friends/family and good kids is all you need in life. Anything else is just a cherry on top. I am helping a friend go through his eventual D and he always tells me he doesn't know what he would do with out me.

A lot of this is very true but it also makes me remember back. I had a platonic female friend who said the very same about me. She had her issues but always seemed to want to do the best and help people. Or so I thought. Her husband cheated on her and she came home and caught them. For many months she called me every morning - often repeating and saying the same things over and over. I’ll bet I did over a hundred multi hour telephone calls with her. She would later tell others how I was a life saver and helped her through that divorce. Years later she’s remarried to her 3rd husband with 2 young kids. This is when my ex W had dropped the bomb. I could not get her to even return my phone calls.

In another quote here it was said that you really don’t know what kind of friends you have until something really bad happens. This is so very true as the above story proves. Thankfully there are also those who come through and stand by you and I was lucky enough to have several of those as well.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
LH19 #2927541 12/20/21 06:00 PM
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Wow, Don, that sounds like a hard knock for her to have leaned so heavily on you, and then been unavailable when you actually needed her. It feels lonely enough in the aftermath of BD without that extra needling.

"She had her issues but always seemed to want to do the best and help people." - I wonder if her rational had to do with romantic feelings for you, or the narrative changing around the ex she left and not wanting to face the previous way she'd framed him, or her relationship with your ex, or something going on in her life. She may well insert more good karma in the world than bad. Humans have blind spots. Humans struggle with conflicting values. To err is human, to forgive divine.

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Originally Posted by LH19
I had a great road trip with my kids yesterday. I use to think there was something missing on these trips buy I don't anymore. We are a family of three and I believe that is how we are going to stay for awhile.
Great perspective and outlook. I'm learning this is absolutely true.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Going through the sh!tty times reveals your friends true colours, its almost like its a gift.
Originally Posted by DonH
In another quote here it was said that you really don’t know what kind of friends you have until something really bad happens. This is so very true as the above story proves. Thankfully there are also those who come through and stand by you and I was lucky enough to have several of those as well.
Very true. Friends with you in good times are fun, but friends you can count on through the bad times are the ones made of gold. Situations like these definitely separate the wheat from the chaff.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
LH19 #2927628 12/22/21 08:16 PM
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Sorry for your loss LH. Also sorry to hear about what happened with your gf. I'm with you on the road trips with kids. I've done a few without XH. In the beginning it felt like something was missing but I don't feel that way anymore. When we are together, that is enough. TBH, I used to feel sorry for XH that he was missing out but I have come to terms with the fact that he chooses not to do these things with our kids so clearly, the only person who felt he was missing out, was me. I don't waste my time on those thoughts anymore... I just enjoy my time with our kids.

Merry Christmas. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Sorry for your loss LH. Also sorry to hear about what happened with your gf.
Thanks Dej.

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I'm with you on the road trips with kids. I've done a few without XH. In the beginning it felt like something was missing but I don't feel that way anymore. When we are together, that is enough.
So true!

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I don't waste my time on those thoughts anymore... I just enjoy my time with our kids.
Me either I give it zero head space. I have no compassion for what she has lost out on.

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Merry Christmas.
Happy holidays to you and your family too. Hope you guys don't go on lock down again.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927802 12/31/21 12:01 PM
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So as 2021 comes to a close I thought I would do some journaling.

2021 was a pretty good year in fact the best year I have probably had since 2013. Kids and my relationship have never been better. Got back to my happy place after being banned for almost 2 years. Did some traveling and the job is going really well.

Had two short term relationships with 2 completely different women. I use to think I had a type but this proofs not to be the case because these 2 were on the completely opposite end of the spectrum. They were both a lot of fun but for different reasons. I definitely learned a lot and I am 100% sure I am open for something real.

It’s still difficult sometimes when I think back to where I dropped the ball in my marriage. My kids are doing great but I know they miss being a family.

My relationship with my ex can best be described as business associates lol. Every discussion is straight to the point and just the facts. I sense lately she is pissed at me. Things she use to do to be courteous she doesn’t do any more. If the kids need something she use to drop it off but now she makes me come pick it up. Don’t think we will be playing ping pong or Mario Kart anytime soon lol.

So in a nutshell life is pretty good. As Another Stander use to say “ not the life I would have chose” but I am making the best of it. In honor of Don H. I am firing up the dating apps tomorrow and see where it takes me in 2022. I did some research and read that it takes the average man to send 114 messages to receive 1 response. I guess that’s why OLD is frustrating lol.

Happy New Year Everyone. Hope everyone’s dreams and wishes come true.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927894 01/02/22 06:40 AM
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LH,

Good NYE post. Glad to hear 2021 was such a good year; here's to an even better 2022!

Originally Posted by LH19
It’s still difficult sometimes when I think back to where I dropped the ball in my marriage. My kids are doing great but I know they miss being a family.
Completely understand this sentiment. Sometimes feels like the new normal to me, and other times still feels surreal, but though there's no putting Humpty Dumpty back together again I do wish ExW would've chosen to work through any issues and kept our family together. Not sure I'll ever be convinced that wouldn't be the best thing certainly for our kids, and perhaps us as well.

Originally Posted by LH19
My relationship with my ex can best be described as business associates lol. Every discussion is straight to the point and just the facts.
Straight business and just the facts isn't relatively bad - we've all read worse here.

Originally Posted by LH19
I sense lately she is pissed at me.
Any theories why? Did you do something specific, or perhaps she's frustrated with her own situation and not as happy as expected with D and life and taking it out on you? Or...maybe any guess is pointless speculation.

Originally Posted by LH19
So in a nutshell life is pretty good. As Another Stander use to say “ not the life I would have chose” but I am making the best of it.
Not bad. That's all any of us can do.

Originally Posted by LH19
In honor of Don H. I am firing up the dating apps tomorrow and see where it takes me in 2022. I did some research and read that it takes the average man to send 114 messages to receive 1 response. I guess that’s why OLD is frustrating lol.
Any Day 1 or 2 success? New accounts based on resolutions are probably being created out there as we type! Honestly just a few months of OLD and I'm thinking DonH isn't too far off. Definitely not coming across much substance out there, or seeing CWarrior's proclaimed flood of dates.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
BL42 #2927896 01/02/22 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by LH19
It’s still difficult sometimes when I think back to where I dropped the ball in my marriage. My kids are doing great but I know they miss being a family.
Completely understand this sentiment. Sometimes feels like the new normal to me, and other times still feels surreal, but though there's no putting Humpty Dumpty back together again I do wish ExW would've chosen to work through any issues and kept our family together. Not sure I'll ever be convinced that wouldn't be the best thing certainly for our kids, and perhaps us as well.
Sure absolutely a two parent home is better for the kids and when you have two people working towards the same goal anything is possible.

Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by LH19
I sense lately she is pissed at me.
Any theories why? Did you do something specific, or perhaps she's frustrated with her own situation and not as happy as expected with D and life and taking it out on you? Or...maybe any guess is pointless speculation.
Oh I know why. She has dug herself into a hole they will be difficult to get herself out of. I am sure it's my fault she is in that hole. It will be interesting this week, I just found out this week she is still on my property deed and had the paperwork drawn up to get her off. I She will have to take it to get notarized.

Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by LH19
In honor of Don H. I am firing up the dating apps tomorrow and see where it takes me in 2022. I did some research and read that it takes the average man to send 114 messages to receive 1 response. I guess that’s why OLD is frustrating lol.
Any Day 1 or 2 success? New accounts based on resolutions are probably being created out there as we type! Honestly just a few months of OLD and I'm thinking DonH isn't too far off. Definitely not coming across much substance out there, or seeing CWarrior's proclaimed flood of dates.
Yeah I started chatting with a couple women yesterday. They are both on travel mode right now so we will see. BL you need to be patient. Read what I posted 114. I am a decent looking dude who is in shape, has a career, a house and lives alone and I probably get 1 out of 10 returned. Do some research on it and it will make you feel better. Don't compare yourself to CW he is a rarity in OLDing. Why don't you post your profile on here and Ginger will give you some feedback. After all she has probably seen a million of them lol. Remember that slow and steady wins the race.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927897 01/02/22 01:45 PM
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Yup, I’ve been swiping on and off for years

Id be happy to help. We are in the same age bracket. You don’t need to post your profile if you aren’t comfortable with that. I can tell you what I absolutely swipe left on and what makes me swipe right if you want.

The problem is it’s hard to judge substance from a profile

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