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Originally Posted by LH19
So I think a commitment avoidant would mean you are playing the field. A “Don Juan” so to speak. Since I don’t think that’s your style Andy P refining your screening process is the way to go. Time to get back up on that horse after the first of the year.
or commitment avoidant could mean, "I touched the burner on the stove and I ain't doing that again!"


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

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I guess but again I don’t think he’s a committed avoidant. I think he’s not strong enough to say “no” when things don’t work for him. Kinda like CW.


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Happy New Year!

Working through the year end production reporting right now. No rest for the wicked I presume. We had a pretty good year at the plant - I think we were sold out at about 120% of capacity which was the cause of many of our challenges. We had to bring product in from our competitors to meet demand in fact.

It's going to be interesting to see how things shift around as time goes on. I'm used to working essentially 7 days / week - usually just a bit on the weekends to make sure things are ticking along. A bit more on days like this when so many things all hit at the same time. I think that the people I work with now have a pretty clear idea of what I'm good at and more importantly, what I'm not good at.

---

New Years Eve was a quiet affair with mostly just the cat and I. 20S and a friend popped over for a quick visit and to pick up some leftover Halloween candy to binge on. My heavens - 20S was dressed up in CFM shine on her way to a party. I'd almost forgotten how much cleavage she has and how impressive it is. Kept my eyes firmly up. Very tight pants. She's a big girl - nearly as tall as I am with generous curves that have not sagged at all - and 9 miles of bad road as far as issues go. Too bad. She's over-all a good kid but I think that at 27 she's feeling the clock running out on her finding a man - and sadly she's one of those people that "needs" one. At least the amount of her stuff that I'm storing hasn't gone up. She's moved back in with her grandmother and I don't think it's going well. Not my issue at all.

She asked about my son (they were best friends growing up) and I think I've finally gotten across to her that he's not actually mad at her but just doesn't take her calls or talk to her because he's built a new and different life for himself. She's still mad at his mother as well who also blocked her and won't return her calls a few years ago. Not sure why - 20S maintained contact with her and went over to visit regularly even for a long time after the split. I suspect that it was because 20S was also still in contact with me and had all the details on her affair. She feels a bit betrayed because my xW always referred to her like I do as our "extra daughter".

On the other hand, many of the people my xW was close to are no longer part of her life as far as I'm aware. Occasionally I'll bump in to one of them around town and they'll comment that they've not heard from her since the split. It's been a long while since anyone has even mentioned anything to me though - like for me - it's as if she doesn't exist any more.

---

I was disappointed to not be able to find "Rockin New Years Eve" on the TV - seems that you could only see that this past year if you had some sort of cable subscription. It was my historical tradition to watch that. Did my usual re-watch of Black Adder - Back and Forth made a lot easier now that I have my own streaming server in the house. I did watch the ball drop though, toasted the New Year with a can of local porter, gave the cat a smooch, texted a few friends "Happy New Year" and headed to bed. Out of the 6 past New Years, only 2019 involved a smooch with an actual person and that certainly didn't turn out well. A house full of vermin and a global pandemic starting up are not things I want to repeat.

Made myself a nice breakfast today - one of my favourite things to do. Used up the last of the smoked kippers I think so will need to add that to the grocery list. Only one shop in the area carries them. I still have work to do on cooking side bacon in the oven. I'm getting closer but have to get the temperature and timing down so that it's ready when everything else is.

Just about have the plant stuff taken care of. There's one car that the railway shows as being shipped out that I know is sitting at the plant so I'll need to figure that out. Most of the numbers have added up decently and the plant is running smoothly. A couple of tanks were lower than I'd like them to be - I always worry about pumps running dry even though there are redundant fail-safes on them all. Also empty tanks degrade faster than full ones. They're designed to be full of product, not air.

I have a lot of math to do before Tuesday - I have about 60 tonnes of product to allocate to different customers. I "need" closer to 120 but 60 is all I'll be able to get out of the plant for that part of the business. It might even be closer to 45 tonnes. All of this has to be figured out and set ready for 8:00 on Tuesday so I have some time - perhaps tomorrow.

Being as this is the first weekend of the month / first day of a new quarter, I'll be doing house-cleaning and computer backups. I take everything that is stored out on the cloud and make local copies of it once a quarter. For some reason I have a distrust of computers crazy. I'll also pack up the Christmas decorations as is my tradition for New Years Day. I'll probably purge a few more while I do that. Next Year I'll need to take the opportunity to re-imagine a bunch of the decorating - something I'm not good at.

Probably have a nice soak in the tub before I do any of the scrubbing. I'm currently reading "The Man Who Was Thursday". Not really the light reading I had been looking for but certainly entertaining and compelling. Chesterton certainly could spin a story.

---

Not really feeling today as the start of something new - but certainly feeling 2021 sloughing off and away. I think that the tearing down is largely complete - time to start looking at building something new. I think I have some drawings around here somewhere for that little sprit-sail pram I'd like somewhere.


On BD
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BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
Not really feeling today as the start of something new - but certainly feeling 2021 sloughing off and away.

Kinda right there with ya. I won't go into all of the reasons again, most all of which appear to be out of my control, but did see a meme that pretty much may sum it up. Let's hope it's not correct!

2022 is pronounced 2020 -II


DonH
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Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
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Hello Andrew

I saw an interesting meme too.

Two people talking about the new year. The one says, “I think 2022 is going to bring flowers”. The other person, “How can you sound so sure?”. Their reply, “Because that’s what I planted.”

It’s greenest where we water it. Nurture well.

Happy New Year.

D

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Originally Posted by DnJ
Hello Andrew

I saw an interesting meme too.

Two people talking about the new year. The one says, “I think 2022 is going to bring flowers”. The other person, “How can you sound so sure?”. Their reply, “Because that’s what I planted.”

It’s greenest where we water it. Nurture well.

Happy New Year.

D

I just saw that exact meme posted by a dear friend who has a very positive outlook on life, so I'm rolling with it. wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Originally Posted by DNR
“Because that’s what I planted.”

D

Great idea and nice platitude to follow. Right up until the government comes in, claims your flowers violate some law or are just deemed dangerous or unacceptable and force you to remove them. Sadly that’s closer to todays world. We used to be in charge of our destiny (planting the flowers of our choice) but now it’s been determined we are not smart enough to run our own lives so the “experts” will mandate to us how we will love, where we can travel, who we can visit, on and on.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
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I love that D!!! I think 2022 will bring flowers as well. smile


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B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Originally Posted by DonH
Great idea and nice platitude to follow. Right up until the government comes in, claims your flowers violate some law or are just deemed dangerous or unacceptable and force you to remove them. Sadly that’s closer to todays world. We used to be in charge of our destiny (planting the flowers of our choice) but now it’s been determined we are not smart enough to run our own lives so the “experts” will mandate to us how we will love, where we can travel, who we can visit, on and on.

Lol.

I can speak sarcasm. smile I hear the humorous jest within. And the comment contains grains of truth which are a fantastic backdrop to the platitude.

It’s ok, I applied for a zoning permit two years ago. Got permission after several resubmissions, meetings, a permit fee, a special one time levy for soil disruption, a property survey, and two inspectors signed off on the plan.

Don, I agree. Nowadays life seems rather constricted. My “flowers” are the ones in my head, heart, and soul. There isn’t a person, group, agency, or government powerful enough to control my thoughts, actions, or reactions. I control me!

Against the real backdrop of imposed measures, I still choose what is within.

A destiny is always hard earned. Yes, “experts” do seem to believe they know best, and the majority of the populations are willingly and maybe unwittingly seceding their control to them. It all makes the realization of one’s life and control more meaningful.

Plant flowers and bloom against the bleak.

Control. Destiny. It’s hard earned. Enjoy it.

D

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Nothing much going on. Just cruising along. Work has continued to be tough but certainly not as tough as it was. I was supposed to be working from home on a special project a couple of days / week but since we're in lockdown, paradoxically I'm going in to the plant each day. The other office staff are working from home so I'm at the plant so that someone is in the office to deal with visitors etc. Not that we get many, but we can't have people wandering around not knowing where to go when they come on site so I get them to fill out the Covid intake forms and chase down their sponsor.

We're still running flat out which is a problem because parts of the plant fail from time to time causing us to shut down for repairs and fall further behind. One key component though now has a replacement so we'll call in a crane team and hoist it into place and hopefully can be back up and running more reliably soon. We had a shutdown last weekend that was particularly problematic because the new engineer who was dealing with it neglected to drain some of the lines and they froze which then caused more problems. Some of our products freeze at well above the freezing point of water.

---

The comments about growing what you planted are interesting. And because I can't let a good analogy rest, small story. Some years ago - post bomb-day still though (phew time is just hurtling by) - the seeds from the bird feeder that I used to have in the flower bed next to the house sprouted. Among the plants were some very cute miniature sunflowers with multiple heads. Not something I would have sought out to plant but something that I was very happy to see.

I've "planted" nothing as far as a future personal life is concerned. By which I mean that I've taken no active action to make changes for a future. There are some people out there that could be part of my life that are on the periphery at present. "C" is currently out of the country with her kids. Her oldest is going to be doing some mission work for a few months. We connect via text from time to time - every few months - and are hoping to get together for a visit when she gets back in a couple of weeks - assuming that there is anywhere open.

There's an old acquaintance that I've known for years who I think is interested. Our parents were great friends and her mother was actually my school bus driver. She always seems extra happy to see me whenever we bump in to each other and she's been pretty active recently on making positive comments on my social media. She's been divorced for quite a few years, kids almost all launched. I had thought she had a partner recently but he's been scrubbed from her social media. I know he had some health problems.

I'm not feeling any particular urge to spark anything into action with anyone. The thought of sharing this house with anyone at present I think is a big part of my reluctance after it went so horribly wrong. As I told C when she asked why it ended, "I thought I could get along with anyone - I was wrong".

---

In other news, now that I have my own media server, I went to a second hand movie / music place and picked up some shows / movies / music that I thought I'd like. I watched Errol Flynn's Robin Hood last night. Lots of fun. I do love to see a swash properly buckled.

I had loaned my portable DVD player to my son recently so had to dig out the old "family computer" that has a working DVD player to make digital copies of the disks. It turns out that there were a lot of old files on there, copies of my XW's ID etc. I debated clearing all that out but really can't be bothered.

Speaking of my xW, I was rather startled to end up in traffic right behind her when I was "in town". I was a bit surprised / not surprised to see her turn into the bank we used to deal with moments after I pulled up behind her. I'd thought she had changed banks - at least that's what the financial disclosures had said. Or she could have spotted me - I'm sure she knows what car I'm driving which is also fairly unique. There's one other exactly like it in town and when ever we see each other we wave like mad and honk our horns. There's quite a few that are similar though too.

Had an odd experience in the grocery store today as well - but understandable. The clerk was apologizing that I had to wait and I joked that I never hurry and that going faster would only get me home faster and to my laundry. She said that perhaps "someone would appear to help" which got a response that the cat still hasn't figured out the appliances and that random woodland creatures are of no help no matter what songs I sing for them crazy

It does sort of play into one thing that sort of bothers me with my memory. I honestly can't remember who did what around the house when I was married. I know that I did all the "family" laundry plus my own, occasionally cooked etc. I wasn't sure about dishes though - a Facebook memory popped up today that reminded me that yes - I normally did the dishes. Only fair because I didn't do the bulk of the cooking. It's weird though - perhaps a trauma thing? But I really can't easily remember a lot of the day-to-day of my life back then. I generally have an excellent memory but a lot of that past is a blank for some reason.

Not a lot else going on. I have new neighbours finally - haven't met them yet. I hope they're nice people. I'm debating making a pound cake and taking it over. There's two cars in the driveway and I saw one of them through their window last night when I got home - the person I saw seemed fairly young at least to my eyes. Not sure if they have kids / pets / annoying habits but that will come out over time.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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