Wow - just saw a doorbell video posted under the title “when your husband is too sick to go on the family trip you planned” - the video shows him kissing his mistress as she leaves the house! I guess a doorbell camera could be a good place to look if you suspect an affair, huh?
Yeah - I know my xW was very paranoid about the cameras here - to the point of comedic effect at times post bomb-day. I have one video of her crawling across the office floor to search my desk trying to stay out of shot. It ends with her getting up and scowling because the papers she was looking for I packed in my briefcase that day to keep them safe
Originally Posted by kml
Trying to find someplace to donate the cans of anchovies and other food my son and I can’t or won’t eat.
I don't know if you recall my "clean out the freezer" adventures when I was first alone here. I'd pull something out of the freezer or pantry and that would be dinner. I did make an exception the day I defrosted old paint brushes that had been stored in the freezer for some reason Think of it as a challenge to find something to use up those ingredients with. Anchovies on pizza are nice, they are also a component of Caesar salad or could be fried for breakfast like kippers. Perhaps the wee birds in your neighbourhood would appreciate some gluten based snacks.
(((kml))) - glad you are mindfully healing and taking the time for it. You were privileged to spend some time with a wonderful and complex man who cared very much for and about you.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
That's pretty funny about your ex crawling across the floor. What were the papers she was so desperate to steal?
The night before she had told me she was moving out and that we were now "separated". I showed her a copy of the pre-filled out divorce papers with infidelity as the cause and she was - er - rather upset and threw her wedding ring at me. Only to pick it up and put it back on when I apologized. I'm pretty sure that she was looking for the divorce papers and any supporting documentation.
My own opinion is that she was first off horrified of anyone finding out she was having an affair and that secondly she was very concerned that she had lost control of me and my brain. She knew that I always researched things and usually had a main plan and one or more backup plans. And this time she was no longer privy to what those plans were. I'm also pretty confident that she was sure that she could just move back in on a whim and to be honest, she probably could have in those first few months. I was very devoted to her. And she was always careful to be firmly in control.
I have another video of my son coming into the office around Christmas that first year talking to someone on his phone, picking up a new ornament from my desk, leaving the room and then carefully putting it back where he picked it up.
I have recording too of her coming into the house when I was visiting my daughter who was then living in Virginia. This was the following spring and she provided me with no notice before or after. I had the camera on an old laptop in the office going so it was inconspicuous. It was funny seeing her rummaging around here and there and then coming back trying to find that cats that she thought she'd locked in. The coldness in her eyes and the arrogant posture and pose she had was certainly off-putting. And there were ways into the house that bypassed the camera too - I'm pretty confident that she's lurked and checked things out numerous times especially that first year. There was another episode where some of my wine bottles were broken in the cellar and partially cleaned up.
I have no idea if she would dare come in to the house now knowing that I live alone but she would also undoubtedly be well aware that I have replaced the old cameras with new. When my son moved home I (largely) decommissioned the cameras I had then. The "lurking in the shrubberies" incident was at least 2 years ago and that I think was to check out B who had moved in. I remain confident that my son keeps her up to date assuming that she is asking which I think would be a safe bet.
Not that there's really anything to see anyway. In many ways I'm right where she left me. Single, still in the same house, more or less the same job, same friends. I am more or less the same guy. Different haircut, a few more wrinkles but more or less the same albeit perhaps more cynical on the motivations of others.
I've not written about it in some time, but I think that in some cases that us "LBS" are considered the "property" of the "WS" - and undoubtedly the other way around - and signs of moving on or changes can be upsetting. Perhaps another topic though.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thank god my ex has never snooped. Of course, I moved a 45 minute drive away and he hates to drive. I'd be mad as hell though if he came into MY house uninvited.
I should think about getting one of those doorbell cameras though just as a safety thing. My neighborhood is very safe, but my front door is secluded on the side of the house.
I've not written about it in some time, but I think that in some cases that us "LBS" are considered the "property" of the "WS" - and undoubtedly the other way around - and signs of moving on or changes can be upsetting. Perhaps another topic though.
Possibly. Another, not mutually exclusive possibility is that they have this story in their head about how the divorce will go and what the LBS will do, like they are the puppet master and we the marionettes. When the LBS inevitably deviates from the pre-conceived plan, the WS/MLCr gets rightiously indignant.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Oh KML... I haven't been on here in awhile and just read about CMM. I am so sorry for your loss but also glad for him that he got to make the choice of when and where he was going to go. I wish my dad had been able to make that choice. His last six weeks were pretty much spent in a coma and the few weeks before that were worse...as he was conscious. Not an end I would wish for anyone...especially a man who had led such an exemplary life as a devoted husband and father. Watching him deteriorate the way he did...having to go through countless goodbye's wondering if this was the last time I would see him...it was all very, very draining on him and on us. So when there is no cure and a person has fought the good fight and has made peace with their decision and said all they needed to say, I will always, always support their right to choose. Doesn't make it easier for the people left behind but death is never easy for anyone. I am glad he had a peaceful end with you and your son holding his hand. I'm sure it was a great comfort to him in his final moments. Much love to you and your family. (((HUGS)))
Merry Christmas everyone. I know for many of us it doesn’t look like what we expected, or what our past Christmases looked like. Some of us are grieving. Some of us are separated from our loved ones. BUT - new traditions can be started, friends can share in the Christmas celebrations, the pandemic won’t last forever. We are all phoenixes that have risen from the ashes. Share love today, call your friends and family, sing some carols, embrace what is and what can be in the future.
Think of it as a challenge to find something to use up those ingredients with. Anchovies on pizza are nice, they are also a component of Caesar salad or could be fried for breakfast like kippers. Perhaps the wee birds in your neighbourhood would appreciate some gluten based snacks.
