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LH19 #2927425 12/15/21 01:48 PM
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Honest and open discussion is the way to go. Why waste time otherwise.

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She certainly was challenging to date so I learned some things that I need to stay away from in the future.

Oh yeah? you wanna share what are some things you learned?


No one is coming to save you!

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Originally Posted by Maika
Honest and open discussion is the way to go. Why waste time otherwise.

Quote
She certainly was challenging to date so I learned some things that I need to stay away from in the future.

Oh yeah? you wanna share what are some things you learned?

It should be easy and effortless in the beginning. It wasn't. Lots of communication issues. Relationships in their lives or lack thereof matter and should not be overlooked. Dating women with young kids is difficult, especially when the dad is unreliable. Great sex and an amazing smile aren't everything lol.

It's a learning process for sure.


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
LH19 #2927430 12/15/21 04:10 PM
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LH,

Sorry things didn't work out. It's gotta be tough to have everything align. Good you were both open, honest, and adults about it though.

Enjoy your son's birthday and football game!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
LH19 #2927432 12/15/21 04:29 PM
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Hey LH,
Sorry it didn't work out but you're absolutely right, easy and effortless is the signal that it's a good fit. Anything else is a clear indicator to me, anyway, that I'm trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

I've given a lot of thought about dating someone with kids vs without. I personally wouldn't date someone with young kids because it's not where I'm at in my own life. I'm past that and not interested in re-visiting with a partner. I go back and forth on dating someone without kids. On the one hand, more flexibility. On the other, they cannot relate to people who have kids. Also, my observation is that people who don't have kids tend to be a bit more selfish and self absorbed than those with kids, which is another point in favor of dating people with older or adult kids.

I know you'll miss her but it certainly seems for the best, and you've learned a lot to bring to the next dating situation.

Enjoy your son and the football game xo


M 20+ T25+
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D Final 12/23/16

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LH19 #2927433 12/15/21 04:31 PM
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Actually the best break up I have ever had. Just disappointment I think that we weren't on the same page.

I have a feeling she will be a part of my life in the future at some capacity. Not sure why but call it a gut feeling.


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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Hey LH,
Sorry it didn't work out but you're absolutely right, easy and effortless is the signal that it's a good fit. Anything else is a clear indicator to me, anyway, that I'm trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

I've given a lot of thought about dating someone with kids vs without. I personally wouldn't date someone with young kids because it's not where I'm at in my own life. I'm past that and not interested in re-visiting with a partner. I go back and forth on dating someone without kids. On the one hand, more flexibility. On the other, they cannot relate to people who have kids. Also, my observation is that people who don't have kids tend to be a bit more selfish and self absorbed than those with kids, which is another point in favor of dating people with older or adult kids.

I know you'll miss her but it certainly seems for the best, and you've learned a lot to bring to the next dating situation.

Enjoy your son and the football game xo

Yeah the three women I have dated have been a lot younger then me with young kids who can't be left alone for long. Not to mention 2 out of 3 had like 90% custody. It would be a nice change to date someone with more freedom.


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
LH19 #2927440 12/15/21 05:21 PM
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So sorry, LH.

I do disagree about dating in the beginning being effortless.

We are the over 40 crowd here, with jobs, kids, houses , lives, all sorts of responsibilities, and some level of baggage, past hurts, experiences. Whatever. We aren’t carefree and 21 anymore.

Dating takes effort from the get go. Effort coordinating schedules, effort making compromise, effort understanding individual situations, effort all around. It is not easy and effortless at all.

Should dating in the beginning cause any pain and sadness, and high levels of frustration? No. You should look forward to seeing the other person, figuring out where there could be compromise when situations aren’t ideal, and even sometimes, be understanding of someone else’s triggers.

Effortless and easy is for kids or people with no attachments, or haven’t had hard ships in their lives and super flexible work schedules.

Easy and effortless is not for us. But hurt pain and frustration shouldn’t be for us either. The enjoyable should be worth the effort that is put in

LH19 #2927443 12/15/21 06:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Dating takes effort from the get go. Effort coordinating schedules, effort making compromise, effort understanding individual situations, effort all around. It is not easy and effortless at all.

If this is the case, it could well mean the two people are not a good match. I’m not sure early dating should be effortless - as in requiring zero effort - but it should be easy. How many times have we said this to people here - indicating if it’s a challenge in the first months it’s going to be extremely challenging down there road. If not easy in the beginning, it’s probably the wrong partner. Now of course it should take some level of effort - just not as much as it’s sounding to be.

Originally Posted by LH19
Yeah the three women I have dated have been a lot younger then me with young kids who can't be left alone for long.

I know you don’t like to look at these things or typically discuss and consider them, but what’s up with only dating much younger women? It’s sounds like you’ve picked the same woman three times. I guess if HHH is all you’re after it could work - but only for 3 to 6 months. But you obviously seem to be wanting more. But these younger types especially with young kids often do better with other young 40s guys rather than double digits old. Experience tells me they very often have hopes, very high hopes, of finding Prince Charming and getting married again to live the fairytale.

I don’t have the answer I just noticed the pattern and have seen it with others here - picking the same thing and expecting different results. There’s likely more here to dig into.


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
So sorry, LH.

I do disagree about dating in the beginning being effortless.

We are the over 40 crowd here, with jobs, kids, houses , lives, all sorts of responsibilities, and some level of baggage, past hurts, experiences. Whatever. We aren’t carefree and 21 anymore.

Dating takes effort from the get go. Effort coordinating schedules, effort making compromise, effort understanding individual situations, effort all around. It is not easy and effortless at all.

Should dating in the beginning cause any pain and sadness, and high levels of frustration? No. You should look forward to seeing the other person, figuring out where there could be compromise when situations aren’t ideal, and even sometimes, be understanding of someone else’s triggers.

Effortless and easy is for kids or people with no attachments, or haven’t had hard ships in their lives and super flexible work schedules.

Easy and effortless is not for us. But hurt pain and frustration shouldn’t be for us either. The enjoyable should be worth the effort that is put in

Maybe effortless in the wrong word. Frustrating is a good word for her. It should have been easier. I know what it looks like.


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
DonH #2927445 12/15/21 08:15 PM
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Originally Posted by DonH
I know you don’t like to look at these things or typically discuss and consider them, but what’s up with only dating much younger women?
I think it just worked out that way. It's not like I refuse to date women my age.
Originally Posted by DonH
It’s sounds like you’ve picked the same woman three times.
I disagree here Don they were three completely different women.
Originally Posted by DonH
I guess if HHH is all you’re after it could work - but only for 3 to 6 months.

Well I am waiting for someone to to make me feel like I want more.
Originally Posted by DonH
But you obviously seem to be wanting more.
More then what? I want a monogamous relationship with a woman I am crazy about.
Originally Posted by DonH
But these younger types especially with young kids often do better with other young 40s guys rather than double digits old.
Well down you may be in triple digits but I am still in double digits.
Originally Posted by DonH
Experience tells me they very often have hopes, very high hopes, of finding Prince Charming and getting married again to live the fairytale.
My friend pointed this out last night. You may be on to something.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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