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LH19 #2927288 12/10/21 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Does your GF even want you to meet her son?
No.

If this is true, then she is not looking to move in with you or get married at this time.

Originally Posted by LH19
I think she wants to see the dynamic start to change. I get the feeling she doesn't want to waste any time if this is going no where.

Originally Posted by LH19
She wants more intimacy and me to be more vulnerable. She always says "I am a tough nut to crack."

Have some discussions with her on where she sees the relationship to be in 6 months, 1 year and 5 years from now. That will hopefully give you some ideas on where to make changes to make her feel that the relationship is not stuck. It is possible things have gotten monotonous for her and she is really looking for some changes (aka excitement) in the relationship and not necessarily a change towards more commitment.

Originally Posted by LH19
I think I know what I need to do based on what I believe her expectations are moving forward.

I am not sure you really know what her expectations are. Talk to her and let her state her expectations clearly instead of you 'believing' they are something and acting incorrectly.

Originally Posted by LH19
It’s not that I need her to spend more time with me it’s for me to get to where she wants me to be that would have to happen.

See above. Get clarity and specifics on what changes she is looking for

LH19 #2927289 12/10/21 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
Not quite. The relationship is satisfactory to me. I am happy HHHing and getting to know more about her. She is pressing for more which I can't/don't feel comfortable giving her right now.

I still don’t have any great comments to make but this did stand out to me. Seems to me this statement could be made by most guys. Women seem programmed to always have to have the R of whatever level moving somewhere. It’s in their DNA. Some guys (Andrew, CW) cave and give into whatever they want. Other guys (LH and D H) do not. Seems to me at four months she’s wanting things to be much farther than perhaps they should be. What’s the rush.

The other thing that sticks out as others have keyed in on it as well is you two need to communicate. You really need to sit down and have a very honest and deep conversation about what each of you wants, what your time tables are, etc. I’d strongly suggest this before just breaking it off.

All you owe to her is honesty. The rest is her decision. Just be honest. Tell her what you’ve told us. Then it’s up to her to do with that what she will. In absence of that, if this is working for you and you enjoy it, keep doing it. Just don’t lie or lead her on. If you tell her you won’t introduce your kids for another 6 months, or won’t move her in in the next year, it’s up to her to do with that what she will.

Just have a very honest detailed conversation. That’s the next step.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
DonH #2927291 12/10/21 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by DonH
The other thing that sticks out as others have keyed in on it as well is you two need to communicate. You really need to sit down and have a very honest and deep conversation about what each of you wants, what your time tables are, etc. I’d strongly suggest this before just breaking it off.
We have had this conversation. She wants a deeper connection. I can't magically just given here one. Maybe it's like KML was explaining about her friend. Maybe it is I am keeping my distance because I do not see and end game?

The ride hasn't been easy with her. Not difficult but not easy. Early this year I was in an effortless relationship with a woman until she went back to her ex lol. The point is I know what it looks like and this isn't it.

She is definitely not wrong for wondering where I am at and where I see this going.


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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927292 12/10/21 06:27 PM
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I should also add that she definitely over analyzes everything.


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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927294 12/10/21 06:49 PM
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Quote
. Maybe it's like KML was explaining about her friend. Maybe it is I am keeping my distance because I do not see and end game?

The ride hasn't been easy with her. Not difficult but not easy.

Ok this seems like the nugget. You’ve enjoyed your time with her (yes, sex and companionship are nice!) but it’s already been complicated at a time when it should be easy. Honestly, if the first four months can’t be butterflies and excitement about getting to know the person, it usually never will be. Certainly it shouldn’t be difficult.

I could understand a woman at this point wanting to know if you’re exclusive (IE not sharing stds with other people) but beyond that, this is still just “getting to know you” territory and should be easy.

kml #2927295 12/10/21 06:52 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
Certainly it shouldn’t be difficult.
Well if you read above I said it is not difficult.


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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927298 12/10/21 07:10 PM
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“The right people whose souls and life paths are aligned with your own just feel right and natural to be around. Things are easy and effortless with them. Things just work naturally. This includes your personal and professional relationships and what you choose for your life’s work. The challenge is letting go of people and circumstances that no longer serve you. In order to attract the right people and circumstances, you must first create a space for them to fill. Most people never experience this because they are afraid to let go of the mediocre to pursue what sets their souls on fire. You’re either savage or you’re average.” ~ LH19


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927300 12/10/21 07:35 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
“The right people whose souls and life paths are aligned with your own just feel right and natural to be around. Things are easy and effortless with them. Things just work naturally. This includes your personal and professional relationships and what you choose for your life’s work. The challenge is letting go of people and circumstances that no longer serve you. In order to attract the right people and circumstances, you must first create a space for them to fill. Most people never experience this because they are afraid to let go of the mediocre to pursue what sets their souls on fire. You’re either savage or you’re average.” ~ LH19

Doesn't this, in essence, answer your very first question on this thread?


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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Originally Posted by Dawn70
Originally Posted by LH19
“The right people whose souls and life paths are aligned with your own just feel right and natural to be around. Things are easy and effortless with them. Things just work naturally. This includes your personal and professional relationships and what you choose for your life’s work. The challenge is letting go of people and circumstances that no longer serve you. In order to attract the right people and circumstances, you must first create a space for them to fill. Most people never experience this because they are afraid to let go of the mediocre to pursue what sets their souls on fire. You’re either savage or you’re average.” ~ LH19

Doesn't this, in essence, answer your very first question on this thread?
It sure does.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2927422 12/15/21 01:09 PM
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Well I got the "where do you see this going text" yesterday so I called her last night. Very open and honest discussion on both ends. Maybe some projecting on her end but it's understandable as she has been through some stuff. We decided to part ways while keeping the door open to friendship or if she wanted to date without a long-term outlook. Obviously she will be focusing her time on obtaining employment.

As for me I am good. I will miss her but life goes on. She certainly was challenging to date so I learned some things that I need to stay away from in the future.

This Sunday is my son's birthday and we are taking a family road trip to a nearby state to see his favorite team play football. He is so excited.

Onward and upward!


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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