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LH19 #2926796 11/30/21 04:14 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
Lately we have lots of WS who actively are on dating sites and have boyfriends/girlfriends while still married. They don’t even try to hide it anymore. IMO that amount of disrespect shouldn’t be tolerated. Plus IMO divorce is just a piece paper and can be undone at any time in the future.


it seems there are a lot LBS who are also dating while claiming to 'stand' for their marriage. Divorce is more than a piece of paper. You know that. The actual divorce occurs long before the paper is signed. If divorce is a piece of paper, then so is marriage.

McRamone #2926797 11/30/21 04:22 PM
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Also, this place has become very insular. it's hard to break it. Heck you guys accused Galaga of being a troll. I wonder what MWD would say about this.

McRamone #2926798 11/30/21 04:23 PM
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We know the forum is public, it’s why we don’t give out personal info like names, email etc.

If you’ve been lurking than something positive you saw on here must have gotten you to post. I would focus on that.

We are all adults, no one needed LH to say anything for us to act any way. We aren’t in highschool, there isn’t a mob mentality. The responses you’ve received is because of the way you have responded. No other reason.

I assumed you were another poster because you act just like them to the tee, and never denied it when I asked.

Please read CWs last post, and than read it again.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
McRamone #2926799 11/30/21 04:28 PM
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Originally Posted by McRamone
Also, this place has become very insular. it's hard to break it. Heck you guys accused Galaga of being a troll. I wonder what MWD would say about this.

As far as Galaga, it wasn’t you guys, it was me. I feel for him and what he is going through and what he went through, and he still logs on and looks. I have apologized to him, but he was drunk posting, he continues to drink and has his own issues to deal without outside of this forum. I will not enable him, or be sympathetic towards someone who is still continuing destructive behavior.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
McRamone #2926801 11/30/21 05:27 PM
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McRamone,
I am wondering what you were hoping to achieve from this forum?

If you are looking for ways to prevent your divorce, you already have feedback on what your best course of action is. I know the feedback regarding the limited control you have on your wife's actions or the potential odds of reconciliation are not encouraging but it is what it is.

If you are looking for a place to vent, I am not sure this is the right forum. People here tend to give blunt and honest feedback and it is not always pleasant to hear.

I find that you ignore good feedback and tend to focus on your replies on comments that you perceive negatively leading to an argument rather than a discussion. Not saying you are a troll, but this is probably one of the reasons others have accused of being one.

McRamone #2926802 11/30/21 05:34 PM
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McRamone,

Originally Posted by JosephS
Are you Tom H? I asked before and didn’t get an answer.
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Are you sure you aren't tom_h?
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Add me to the "this is Tom_h or one of our other argumentative posters that likes to reappear with a new screen name" group.
Originally Posted by LH19
Mac, I know now your story is not real but I will post on your thread for others who are reading
I have no idea whether you're a former poster under a different screenname, as JosephS/OnlyBent/SteveLW question, or if you're fake, as LH19 states. I have no reason to believe you're not a real person with a real situation, and can completely understand if that's the case you're frustrated and turned off by those accusations.

That said...

I do know you've been very combative about the advice, sometimes attacking other posters, and seemingly more interested in arguing and debating at times than being reflective on your own situation and where you can improve and how the posters on the forum can help. It shows through in your most recent responses:

Originally Posted by McRamone
This is exactly why I left. You have ZERO knowledge of this. None. What proof do you have?
Originally Posted by McRamone
it seems there are a lot LBS who are also dating while claiming to 'stand' for their marriage. Divorce is more than a piece of paper. You know that. The actual divorce occurs long before the paper is signed. If divorce is a piece of paper, then so is marriage.
Originally Posted by McRamone
Also, this place has become very insular. it's hard to break it. Heck you guys accused Galaga of being a troll. I wonder what MWD would say about this.

I suggest a reset to all. If, McRamone, you are here to seek support and advice...why don't you share an update of your situation and where you're struggling / need help? If you do I will try to lend a hand in good faith, as I assume others will as well.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
BL42 #2926807 11/30/21 06:29 PM
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Hmm very interesting - I wouldn't know anything about this but sometimes all is not as it appears.

There can be various reasons for creating an alter ego.

I got shot down while flying my F4 over North Vietnam during the war,
so I wouldn't want my captors to know that I didn't really die and have lived to tell the story.

If you don't believe me google my name.......

McRamone #2926813 11/30/21 07:28 PM
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McRamone,

Start by doing some Google/YouTube searches on how to reconcile with your W.

You will see a pattern that very closely aligns with what everyone here is telling you.

I can only assume you are in a lot of pain and are desperate to save your marriage, I know I was. And the advice I was given to let her go, detach, "act as if", focus on myself rubbed me the wrong way at first too. Afterall, I wanted more closeness with my WAS, not distance.

However, once I grasped the concepts and applied them, they worked. My WAS came back, she was curious about me and our roles reversed. She begged me to take her back during a 2 hour convo in a Starbucks. I hadn't seen her or spoken to her for 2 months prior to that meeting.

She left once again about year later and moved to another state, and I applied the same concepts. Go figure, after a few months of zero contact, she started calling me and telling me how badly she messed up. She had been watching my Facebook which showcased all my new hobbies that I was enjoying. She told me she was projecting her unhappiness onto me etc, had started therapy and wanted to come home. She moved back to my state and we started over. We eventually split for good because there was simply too much damage to overcome. But the concepts taught here, to give your W lots of time and space (don't accept those dinner invites!) to wonder about, and miss me, absolutely worked.

And I have taught these same principles to several of my friends who are not a part of this forum, and they have also (not all) had success.

Keep an open mind and remember that all of this stuff is counter-intuitive. It defies logic and reasoning.

Lastly, you might not believe it, but everyone here is here to help you avoid the mistakes they have made (I've literally seen hundreds if not a thousand of these things play out over the years). We want to see a win on this forum. All of us provide this advice and offer our time for free, so when someone comes across as unagreeable/maybe a little pompous, it's easy to see why some of us would get defensive.

I would love nothing more than to see you and your W happily back together.

McRamone #2926815 11/30/21 08:48 PM
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Hi McRamone,

We all have different communication styles. I use different styles in different circumstances. I have used your style with great success with my X wife to stir up her anger and get the truth out of her. Not the best idea if I was attempting to repair the marriage (or the relationship for that matter).


Originally Posted by McRamone
I guess the only thing I didn't acknowledge is that I have been lurking here for a while. The forum is public.
I believe you have when you made this statement:
Originally Posted by McRamone
I’ve spent time reading a lot of stories on this place


Originally Posted by McRamone
I thought this would be a good place for me to vent and seek advice on how to get things back on track.
Originally Posted by McRamone
I thought this place would offer me a space to talk through things and vent on what was happening.
I believe there is a balance between these two.




With all the time you have spent here reading, is there any changes to your behavior that you believe has a chance in attracting W back?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
McRamone #2926822 11/30/21 11:52 PM
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Do you spend 24/7 in arrogant ( your words, not mine) defensive lawyer mode?

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