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#2926678 11/26/21 12:56 PM
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Well, it’s been a minute since I started a thread. I guess I decided to start one as somewhat of a journal. Maybe check in once in a blue moon. I just want everyone to know I read along. I rarely comment, but I’m rooting you on from behind the scenes.

Kid- she’s a freshman in high school now! When did that happen?! She’s thriving in her new school,
Made new friends immediately and is outgoing and happy. She’s quite the social butterfly. She fits in very well at this school. They are all very good academically focused kids. It’s not a regular high school. These kids are like minded and focused and don’t get in trouble. And it’s a parents dream. She did get her first career C which was in French. But so did the rest of her class. So I went easy on her. Her sport is swimming, and because neither Hugh school has it. We pay and she loves it. She doesn’t compete but is on a team that trains for competition. The pool is at a local gym and we joined together and we work out together on the weekends. She’s still a wise ass teen ( no idea where she got that from) but is a good kid. I’m super proud of her.

Job- I still love my job. It’s been getting a little more exhausting because we are so short staffed. But I love my coworkers. I regret sometimes not going for the managerial position , my coworkers still see me as that resource, but it is what it is. I still work my second job too .

Friends-I have really become close with my coworkers. We do a lot of social things together. They are just the most awesome non judge mental fun people . We have a partner sponsored event nearly every week lately and we basically get wines and dined and all get to hang out and have fun. I love them all. And this summer I went to a country music festival at the beach with the nurses on my unit and we had a blast!

Ex- well, the ex is the ex. Not a big part of my life. He does weird stuff like him and my daughter walked in my house last week with no warning, scared the poop out of me, then he took his hat off to scare me because he shaved his head. I was taken a back because he has always had hair. Then he asks for a glass of wine and hangs out. Anyone I tell this weird stuff to thinks he still holds a little bit of a torch for me. I doubt it, but I imagine if I said “ want to have sec” he would surely say yes and cheat on his wife. My daughter still tells me His wife is always speaking no nicely about me and “really likes me” she will see something I might like in a store and buy it for me. Weird.

Money- a constant issue that will likely never go away until my daughter graduates and I can move. I just can barely afford this state. My mortgage and taxes are unbelievable . I’m drowning and living paycheck to paycheck and there isn’t much more I can do about to. I’m frugal in most areas. I get by, but I am kind of sick of just getting by. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel in the next few years and leaving to a cheaper area to live a simple life. I thought about taking advantage of local travel nursing contracts because they would solve my problems, but I don’t want to give up my current job

Health- well, I am getting my yearly surgery next Thursday. This stupid knee, 3 rd procedure. All because I wanted to have some fun and play volleyball a few years ago. I have lots of pain and he needs to re clean up my meniscus and remove scar tissue. Eh, it gives me 2 weeks off of work and I’m looking forward to that. I did lose some weight, I feel better, but I have another 15 lbs to go. Otherwise im a rather healthy 41 year old woman. Grateful for that.

Dating- this area of my life may always be a train wreck and i realize that. I have dated ALOT this year. I have had alot of sex this year, lol. I definitely went through a hoe phase, lol. One or 2 one nighters. Some I dated for a bit. I am afraid I am now the avoidant. I cannot get close to anyone. I feel nothing for anyone. One guy really really likes me and k ended it and he just keeps telling me how much he misses me. But I just know he isn’t the one . I don’t want to lead him on. I don’t want to use him. The guy I liked the most who I saw on and off for a few months ( I did not have sex with him) is going through alot with his very recent ex. He also has a 3 and 5 year old. I can’t do that again. We have an awesome time together. He’s really a cool as heck guy. But he commit to a date ever. We became friends and that’s that. I also dated a guy who was awful. He reminded me of my ex. Nothing nice to say, always critical. I found out he was bipolar and I could see alot of his behaviors my mom had. He was medicated and treated but really a huge douche. He was the one that would give time to me and plan ahead, but he wasn’t nice and I didn’t want to spend the time with him. So I said goodbye.

I just haven’t been able to feel anything since M. I cannot get close to a single guy. I think that ruined me more than I thought. I handled that breakup fine, but in the end. I thought he was it and this was what I was waiting for . I thought it was my chance at the family I wanted so badly. And I trusted him . And I just can’t get close to anyone enough to trust them. Is my ho phase a way to keep people at a distance. Most likely. Is it healthy? It was what I needed for a while and it was kind of fun. Not anymore. ( I’ve been safe during this ho phase, by the way) it was a good distraction for a while, but the truth of the matter is, I probably need therapy again to figure out how to get close to someone again.

In the meantime , friends and the like always tell me I exude positivity, they love being around me and that I give off such a positive vibe and I’maid back and take things as they come. Strangers like to share their life story with me, people come to me for comfort and advice. Maybe it’s my purpose. Maybe it’s what I have to offer to this world. When I feel utterly lonely ( and lonely as in lack of family and partner ) I think maybe my purpose is just to lift others up.

Some days I’m so mentally and emotionally exhausted. I can’t explain it. But I function like a champ still. I never let my pain sleep through. Not even my closest friends have any idea what I’m going through inside. I think that’s better reserved for a professional, lol.

Well, if you got this far, thanks for listening ! I hope everyone is well and having a great holiday season.

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((((((Girl))))))

It’s ok to take a break from dating. My question h do or you us: we’re the guys you weren’t really interested in actual bad fits, or simply nice guys that were interested so you weren’t? (As in - are you chasing the unavailable types and passing up the nice guys? Or were those guys just obviously not a fit?)

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Ginger1 Offline OP
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I seem to be in this constant cycle of dating, being unsuccessful, taking an break and then repeat. 14 years and no luck. It’s unreal sometimes.

I honestly can’t find anyone who is a good fit. No one is. I don’t know if I have just been so single for so long and I love my life so differently from others , or it’s that I really don’t “need” anything from anyone so guys have to really come with something to offer. I absolutely can say that I would much rather be alone than to be in an unfulfilling relationship. Being alone is way better.

This particular guy who seems to not be able to let go is just a situation where he talks about how amazing I am, but he doesn’t even know me. He talks mostly about himself, is oddly obsessed with the fact I have a career and I’m a nurse. But he doesn’t know ME. He also works nights and like every night . So we didn’t even spend much time together .

Most men are living at home. For whatever reason. I let it slide a bit because I know I can barely keep my head above water in this state and if I had a situation where it would be possible and cohabitate with my parents, I probably would!

I need to stop having casual sex, that’s for sure. It was fun at first, but unfulfilling now.

I have not gotten excited for one single guy. I don’t go into dates with excitement or nerves anymore. Just ambivalent.

I have one more coffee date tomorrow . But it’s going to be my last for a while. I just can’t do it anymore. I may just have to cut my losses. I have never had a normal adult relationship. I don’t think it’s going to happen at this point. I have to figure out what might work for me.

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Ginger! You finally have a thread again. Nice to catch up.

Props on leaving the dysfunctional partner. I'm sorry you feel ambivalent about the people you meet. If you're good solo, why do potential partners have to "really come with something to offer"? Suppose they offer no more than a friend, but are good in bed, and you slowly connect and care more. Could it be that simple?

Not that I'm in any place to judge, and I just went through my own brief hoe phase, lol.

Happy Thanksgiving. (:



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I’ll clarify what I mean by “something to offer” . They need to add to my life in positive ways. That’s all. Honestly, no one really has yet. And it’s hard for me to connect more. And the sex is no longer good for me when there isn’t a higher connection. It has stopped fulfilling ne.

I had made a coffee date for yesterday which was my last date before my break as I decided to delete the apps. Went in with no expectations as usual. Actually low expectations based on my more recent experiences. And wow. By far my best date of the year. And it was only some daytime coffee at Starbucks. 1) so attractive. Tall dark and handsome, in great shape and incredible smile. Highest physical attraction I’ve had yet. I think I haven’t been so physically attracted lately which hasn’t helped. Then the conversation. It was normal! It flowed perfectly. Lots of laughter, we enjoy alot of the same hobbies, his kid is away in college, he owns a home, has a good job and we are in just very similar places in life. Same values likewise. It was just nice and light . Nothing inappropriate. He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek goodbye ( daytime in a busy parking lot on the highway. We have plans for another date and have been texting some but not too much.

Certainly not getting my hopes up, but I finally felt a little part of me come back to life. Maybe I’m not totally dead inside. I look forward to our date. It can’t be until the weekend of the 11th because I have surgery this Thursday. But I’m totally looking forward to it .

On another odd note . I get a text from my ex yesterday around 2 pm “plans tonight?” Thinking he had plans and wanted me to take our daughter. I did have plans at 5, so I texted that back and said “what’s up?” Well, he wanted to invite me over for wine pong pong and rummy. He basically wanted to hang out with me. I believe his wife was there too, so I guess she wanted to hang out with me too?

I know I’m fun and all ( lol) but is this normal? A little strange to me. I did decline because I really did have plans .

Eh, who knows .

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Hi Sweetie,
So nice to read an update. So glad not-so-little G is thriving. Not surprising since you're a great mom.

Re the $$ --- any way you can re-fi while rates are still low? Worth checking - especially local banks. Ask around, people are always willing to talk about which local banks are best. You may be able to save more than you think on a re-fi, plus you're in that magic first 5 years of home ownership where the bulk of your monthly mortgage payment is interest anyway. One of my besties is saving over $200 a month on her re-fi. A phone call or two is all the inquiry costs. I've found that actually talking to someone at the bank rather than doing the online calculators has given me better results. Good luck if you opt to check it out smile

Re the dating stuff ... def worth working through with a pro. Although, I have to say as I was reading your prelude to the coffee date I wondered if he'd be the best date of the year.

Re the ex and his wife. I think that they think of you as family (nice, but odd) ... if it works for not-so-little G then so be it.

I wish I could give you a hug. You're doing so well, and I know how tiring it is to be a single mom. You're amazing and I'm proud of you xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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Thank you bttfly , your words mean a lot to me. I did just attempt to refinance. All my credit scores are good. Except some weird score they pull which wasn’t good enough. I would only save $150/ month . They think in 4 months I could save more if I can improve it. Right after I attempted the refinance, I actually FINALLY got refunded for my cruise from last April I fought so hard for. So it took my credit card down quite a bit. I’m going to keep trying . My mortgage is ridiculous and I pay $8k in taxes per year. I need a little relief

I guess the ex and his wife do see me as family. It’s super healthy for my daughter, and I guess healthy for me in a way. But being their 3 rd wheel seems awkward. Ex came to drop D off today and he never “has” to get out of the car. But when he isn’t with his wife, he always chooses to and comes in and stays a bit and talks to me.

This new guy is pretty awesome. Definitely different than all the rest. The rest were just all not good fits. This guy I just like taking to and it flows so easy. Stupid, but when we talk he kind of gets me. And actually listens and can relate to me. The other guys had no desire for that. They just wanted one thing. I haven’t felt SEEN by one single guy since M. Actually, I didn’t feel seen by him either. And that’s what I want and that’s what I need. Nothing seemed authentic or genuine from anyone. Even the guy who is very into me . Too early to tell anything with this guy. We have to wait 2 weeks for a date, but we chat via text and will have a phone call tomorrow night.

Even if this doesn’t pan out, it has been eye opening. I know what’s been missing. Nobody has bothered to truly see me at all. And that’s what I really really need . And I don’t want anything else if I can’t have that

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everyone deserves that G, to be truly seen and valued for who they are. if you're not seen and valued for who you are in an intimate relationship then it begs the question of just how intimate that relationship really, truly is or can be... I'm so glad you've had a taste of that with this guy, regardless of how it turns out. You've discovered something really important here. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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p.s. you're worth that and so much more ! xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,581
Likes: 63
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Ginger, I’m so glad you feel seen and valued for who you are. Like butterfly says, that sounds wonderful, and I think there’s much about you to see and appreciate.



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