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(as for how you should have responded when your ex showed up - I would have said nothing and let the therapist handle it).

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Originally Posted by Wolfman
I love her very much.. I know you are upset right now and you don’t have to stay. She looked at me shocked, and replied really? I said, yeah babydoll you can go if you want to. She said thank you and got up and walked out.
Yes, this part was well done, and I suspect gained some cred with his D.



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Originally Posted by Wolfman
Friday I had therapy with my d. The therapist text the day before to come in a half hour earlier. I asked, just out of curiosity, why? Wasn’t sure if she wanted to see me first or if she just moved it up. She didn’t respond. I showed up on time and the ex and d were not there yet. I went into the office and she closed the door but left it cracked open. We started to talk about the week before and how it went. Then she asked me why I brought up the uncle 2 weeks before. A little puzzled because she was in There and we spoke about it 2 weeks ago why. So i started to explain it was to show her that my d claims she is afraid of me yet not afraid of my ex’s brother when I’m the past he physically attacked and we had to run out of her parents house. Well just as I said that, my ex and d walked into the building and she heard that. She opened the door, and started to yell at me in front of the therapist and my d I am not to talk her or her family. That this is slander and she is going to speak to her lawyer about this. And that I am a liar that he never did such a thing. I responded calmly, he never attacked you and we had to run out of your parents house? Her yelling still never, you are a liar!!! I said really l, what about him punching a hole in the bathroom door? She started to yell look what you have done!!! I said answer the question. Calmly, “did your brother punch a hole in the bathroom door?” Again yelling at me, what about what you have done!!!! Again I said calmly, I repeated the question. She replied angrily, yeah he did that but the kids weren’t around. I just responded, ok. Then she proceeded to yell, what about you? You put your hands on me!! I said never. And then to my complete shock and astonishment, she said what about you putting your hands on the kids. I said you are a complete liar. I said to the therapist, notice she is saying this all in front of my d. Continue to make a scene and lies in front of my d. The therapist finally escorted her out of the room and told her to calm down. The therapist also apologized to the ex because she said she was the one asking me that question and I was simply answering it for her. She asked my d if she wanted to continue, her response was she had no choice. Which implies that the ex is telling her that she will get in trouble because it is court ordered. I said I guess so, but the ex has to wait outside. Side note, the walls are thin and she sits right outside the door listening to our conversation. She yelled, she is not waiting outside she is staying right here. I said to the therapist then I will not speak unless she is outside and cannot hear our conversation. The ex yelled, I am waiting right here. The therapist said to her, how you go into another room for this session. And she escorted her to another room. At this point I was not in a good mood and my d. Even so, I tried. I took a long pause before I started. I asked her about school. One word answer. I asked about some of her friends. One word answer. So I realized this session was a wash. So I told my d. I love her very much and I am very sorry you had to witness that. I said I know you are upset right now and you don’t have to stay. She looked at me shocked, and replied really? I said, yeah babydoll you can go if you want to. She said thank you and got up and walked out. I spoke with the therapist again solo and made sure they left before we spoke. And she said she is calling my lawyer and writing a letter that there is parental alienation and that we need a forensic psychologist. She also said that she wants to have the family to go through a psychological evaluation. I said that is fine with me. She said besides the alienation there is a very unhealthy attachement with my d and ex. So this is where I am at.
you know the Chinese saying that crisis = opportunity?

This crisis has created an opportunity for real healing. The therapist saw exactly what you and your children are dealing with. While I am sorry you, and especially your daughter, had to endure that, I am ecstatic that your wife showed her true colors in front of someone who can actually legally get the ball rolling to hold her accountable. Continue to keep your side of the street clean, despite the extreme provocation. You are in a great position, imho, right now.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

If we don't look into the darkness we won't find the light.

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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Happy Halloween, Wolfman. I hope you make some wonderful memories this week with your son and little one. (:



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Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for the input. A lot of you talk about “right-arguing”. I don’t understand, am I never allowed to give my side of things? If someone makes up lies about me am I just supposed to validate? Sorry I wasn’t raised that way, to sit back and just take things. Look the therapist asked me a question about the previous session and I was simply answering it to her. I am certainly not going to sit back when someone attacks my character. Maybe that’s something you all do, but I won’t allow it. I made sure I did not raise my voice at all!! I spoke firmly and that was it. When someone is attacking your character you all just validate the lies?? Anyway.

The therapist wrote a letter to my lawyers that she is recommending a forensic psychologist and she included in the letter that she believes there is parental alienation. That’s the up side. She gave this to my lawyers a week ago. The downside the lawyers have not reached out to me that they received the letter. I even emailed 2 of the lawyers in the firm that are handling my case and no response, that was 4 days ago. I am very disappointed with this firm, I feel like they just wanted my money and haven’t really fought for me at all. I am speaking with a new lawyer on Thursday. The therapist writing this letter is huge for me and my lawyers are nowhere to be found. Nothing, from them. Ugh. In the meantime the therapist had said that she was going to stop therapy with my d and I until after forensics. But in the meantime now I have t seen my d in 2 weeks. This life is terrible. The only bright spot in my life is my s and baby. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t take it. Some days I am just so depressed. I miss my d and miss being with my children all the time.

The gf has become super overprotective of the baby. She doesn’t want anyone touching him. She really doesn’t want anyone over the house. She has a schedule for when he feeds, sleeps and change his diapers. We can’t deviate from that or she gets mad. For example, if the baby is taking a nap and it’s been 3 hours since he ate last, she will wake him up from a nap to eat. Even if he is not tired she puts him down for a nap because it’s been 2.5 hours. Then he cries sometimes for 10-20 minutes. I wanted to take the baby out to the store with me the other day and she wouldn’t let me. She said it was cashing her anxiety me taking him out. But when she went to get her nails done I told her I was taking him out, she was ok with that. Whatever she reads online that’s what we have to do, and even though I have 2 kids already most common what I say she doesn’t want to hear.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Wolf buddy all these years you still don’t understand validation lol.

Therapist: Wolf you stole the stapler from my desk!
Wolf: I understand you’re upset but I did not steal the stapler from your desk.

As for your GF it sounds like there are some control issues if she will only let you take the baby when it benefits her. Time to nip that in the bud.

Wolf your situation sounds horrible and I am really sorry. Just remember that bad runs don’t last forever and your situation will get better.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Your girlfriend is suffering from a postpartum mental illness - you need to speak with her doctors. Some women can suffer crippling anxiety or OCD in the postpartum period, akin to postpartum depression of postpartum psychosis. She needs help.

As for validation - it’s not about not defending yourself. It’s about hearing what your daughter is telling you and acknowledging her feelings. You have to get out of your defensive posture to do that.

You can validate without acknowledging wrongdoing.

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I wouldn’t doubt watching What’s happening between your kids and your ex is causing her to hold on super tight.

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Originally Posted by Wolfman
Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for the input. A lot of you talk about “right-arguing”. I don’t understand, am I never allowed to give my side of things? If someone makes up lies about me am I just supposed to validate? Sorry I wasn’t raised that way, to sit back and just take things. Look the therapist asked me a question about the previous session and I was simply answering it to her. I am certainly not going to sit back when someone attacks my character. Maybe that’s something you all do, but I won’t allow it. I made sure I did not raise my voice at all!! I spoke firmly and that was it. When someone is attacking your character you all just validate the lies?? Anyway.

You know, Wolf, you have gotten some REALLY good advice and comments here from some really wise folks and this is how you choose to respond. It is just beyond me. I may be in the minority here, but this response just proves what everyone is saying about how you are always trying to be right and make excuses. NONE of this is about how you were raised vs. how anyone else was raised and it was, quite frankly, kind of insulting to read the way you worded it. You can validate someone without accepting their lies and LH gave you a perfect example of how to do that, so I won't belabor that point. You say "maybe that's something you all do, but I won't allow it"....as long as you have that attitude, you will continue to NOT make progress with your d because I can pretty much guarantee you that she is as put off by that as I am and I am a complete stranger to you. Can you imagine how someone who loves you feels when you say stuff like that? You are always wanting to defend yourself, point out how others are wrong and you are right. Take a step back, take a breath, and make it about your daughter rather than yourself. Listen to her, tell her what you are hearing her say, respond with kindness.

As we have all acknowledged, you are in a crappy situation and my heart goes out to you for that. At some point, you have to see your own part in how all this has gone down and take responsibility for it so that you can make forward progress.

I don't have any specific references to give you, though I wish I did, but do some research on validation techniques and REALLY learn and understand them. I think that will help your communication with your d.

As far as your gf and the baby, I have to be honest, if I were a first-time mother and I saw the storm that you live under, I would be hesitant about leaving my baby with you too. Another situation where you need to learn to validate and communicate.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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Seriously, everybody - his girlfriend isn't being just a little nervous. She is suffering from a serious postpartum anxiety disorder that often overlaps with postpartum depression. She needs medical treatment!!! Please stop minimizing it. Here's just an excerpt from an article on it:

"Everyone experiences anxiety differently.

But people with postpartum anxiety experience thoughts that are usually:

uncontrollable
racing
consuming
disrupting
overwhelming
recurrent
irrational (not logical or realistic)
frightening

These uncontrollable, consuming thoughts tend to center on a few major areas of worry, such as:

fears about the baby’s and one’s own health
fears about a parent or partner becoming ill or dying
a sense that something bad will happen
irrational obsessions or fears
blaming oneself excessively when something goes wrong or feeling excessively guilty

Postpartum anxiety can also cause physical symptoms, including:

unexplained exhaustion
trouble sleeping
trouble concentrating
increased irritability
muscle tension
feeling on-edge, restless, or wound-up
a rapid heartbeat
feeling panicky for no clear reason

Postpartum anxiety may make it harder for a person to bond with their baby. It may also negatively impact a baby’s mental and physical development. Left untreated, postpartum anxiety can also lead to serious negative consequences such as infant neglect and, in extreme cases, infant death. "

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