Rebuilding and renewal - 8

[Dawn70]

I don't know that I would necessarily use the word "stuck" like LH did, but Andrew, I do kind of see his point a bit. I know you are not surprised to hear me say that since I have given you a pretty hard time on occasion in the past about letting things about your XW go. I do think that you spend a lot of time concerning your thoughts about what she's doing or how she's interacting with your kids or whatever, which would make more sense to me if your kids were younger. You have posted more than once about how you know nothing, then turn around and give a fairly detailed description of something about what she's doing that you DO know, so that is why I can at least see the point he's making.

But, it is your life, not mine, so you are going to do what you are going to do. I do agree with LH's point, though, that now that you are a little less encumbered mentally by the previous load of having the whole kit and caboodle in your space, you have more time to ponder. I also agree with kml that looking back isn't necessarily a bad thing as it can help you make better moves as you look ahead.

You just keep doing you, my friend, because you are amazing. Now, come get your d@mn cold weather. It is not welcome here anymore. LOL

[AndrewP]

.... Emerges from hedge like Homer Simpson ....

Not a lot going on here in the past month.

My son lost one of his cats and has taken it rather hard as has the other cat. He found her a nice sunny spot in the back yard and has let her rest there. I supported him through this, found him a blanket that the cat used to sleep on here for him to use as a shroud. He took care of everything else. I made him an apple crumble and then after that a batch of peanut butter cookies. My default position is to feed people I suppose. He appreciated it. There were many tears and hugs between us as he laid her to her rest.

He's doing better over time and when we had brunch last week he talked about moving to a town about 6 hours away where he has some friends. He thinks one of his friends would be able to get him into the warehouse where he works there. I supported him in this choice. He has few ties to this area and there's no reason why he couldn't just pull up stakes and move. It would be sad for me but I know how to drive and we would still get together, just not as often. He's not a phone call / texting sort of person.

---

I'm half-way through my 2 week vacation. If things had gone according to plan I would have been in Seattle visiting my daughter. I decided more or less at the last minute to cancel the trip. Two factors played into it. The first was the new variant going around and the second and more important one was the seeming impossibility to organize the testing I needed to return to Canada. Major hubs are perhaps more set up to accommodate international travel rules but the area my daughter lives in isn't. I spent 3-4 hours trying to book an appointment only to have the websites cancel the booking. I contacted the airline, the place they recommended wasn't taking appointments and my daughter couldn't find any place taking appointments either for the specific test and turn-around time I needed. I'm hoping to get a refund on my flight as I had purchased cancelation insurance but I'm sure they are dragging their feet on that. I'm not worrying too much if I don't get the money back as I had budgeted for this trip and this is a planned expense. The young neighbour lad who was going to look after my cat was a bit disappointed but was happier when he got an envelope with a part payment. He's only 12 and really shouldn't be put out that I canceled my plans. His dad told me that he was quite looking forward to the adventure and responsibility of looking after my cat for me. It would have been his first "paid job".

Sigh.

I mailed out the Christmas parcels I was going to hand-deliver yesterday. I had sort of thought that my XW might have contacted me about taking some things out for her, but unsurprisingly no noises of any sort from that part of the world. She had been nice enough to bring up things 2 years ago when she had gone for a visit. I have no interest in engaging with her at all - she has her life - I have mine and I still have a well of anger that is undoubtedly best left undisturbed. As those who have been playing the home game may recall she has gone to great lengths to avoid me as well in some cases with humorous effect. I just send the payment every month which she cashes first thing in the morning on the date it's due even though it's usually a few days early. If nothing else, I can perhaps be fortunate that unlike some, she is punctilious in abiding by the letter of our agreement. Coming up on 2 years and then it's all done. I do know that she at least used to be kept up to date on what was going with me on via our son and can't imagine that has changed so she would have known of my planned visit.

I've been occupying myself around the house and also with some short trips to stock up on things that aren't easily available locally. I now have the pork pies for my Christmas Eve tradition and the haggis for Robbie Burns Day. The few Christmas decorations I use are out, the tree is up. I was a bit worried as the cat had shown some interest in chewing on the plastic faux pine garlands but that was a short lived thing. He was somewhat curious about the tree as well but has been good there too. I'm planning on decorating it later today.

One thing about being home is that I'll get to see the village Christmas parade. I've set up to record it to post online on my personal website for the kids to see. I also dug out the video from past years where available and put it up too. Looking at them, it did in the earlier ones include by myself and XW - bit of nostalgia.

A lot of the traditions that I had when I was married have changed / morphed. Kind of easier being alone. This year I've added Christmas pudding to the menu. I was inspired by recent mention of "stir-up-Sunday". I did buy 2 small pre-made puddings instead of making it from scratch. I may attempt that next year. I have to pick up some brandy for them too.

A lot of the things I do now were never part of the traditions when I was married. Some are. The dressing I make is pretty much identical to what we had when we were an intact family with kids around. Many of the decorations are the same and placed in the same spot as they were years ago. I add one or two new decorations each year but the total number keeps dwindling as older decorations break / wear out. I'm getting to the point now though where I think I need to put in a bigger effort to do a refresh / re-imagining. Not really where my skill sets lie though. I can build things, hang things up, but the creative part of pulling a whole look together is difficult - and sort of leads on to the next paragraph.

---

For some time now, I've been feeling the house being echoingly empty. Since putting up the storm windows the outside sounds get quite muted. Waking up with the cold side next to me. Cooking for one. Having nobody to share my thoughts with or to inform me of their lives and adventures. I know that this is the season that can be hard on single people. The normal events that I would have volunteered at are scaled right back. I've logged on to the online dating sites a few times to browse but haven't activated my profile. I just don't have the energy for that. So many familiar faces, quite a few that I had thought would be interesting. That's why I suppose those sites make money selling annual subscriptions

I also want to be sure that my motivations for engaging with the fairer sex aren't just that I have an empty place to fill - as we know - that can lead to poor choices. I think I've learned / grown enough to be more discriminating rather than just going along with the flow. There have been some flickers of interest here and there from others. Some of whom might be a good match but I've not actively encouraged anything and nothing has gone anywhere. There is a surprising number of women of around my age in this area of my acquaintance who are single - some for quite a long time. Many of them seemingly fairly happy about it too.

Well - that's about it for the time being.

--- slowly backs into the hedge ---

[DnJ]

Hello Andrew

Sorry about your son’s cat. I know she was doing poorly and you two were preparing. It sounds like the resting place is a nicely thought out spot and the loss was emotionally expressed well. Tears and hugs are needed. Good job Dad! Leading such expressions as tears is an excellent measure of a man.

Yeah, kids move away. Six hours is a bit of a drive. For sure, you two would still get together. And I bet son would become more texting/phone call with you.

…and I still have a well of anger that is undoubtedly best left undisturbed.

I’ve been playing the home game for years. Following and walking with you.

Andrew, no it’s not best left undisturbed. You are best served, when you work through, and let go this anger. (((Hugs))) Once purged, acceptance takes a different colour and outlook.

For some time now, I've been feeling the house being echoingly empty. Since putting up the storm windows the outside sounds get quite muted. Waking up with the cold side next to me. Cooking for one. Having nobody to share my thoughts with or to inform me of their lives and adventures. I know that this is the season that can be hard on single people.

Sorry my friend. The single life is certainly different. And, much like you, not something I had been planning on.

If I may suggest, turn 180 on it. Instead of trying to not be so single, embrace being single. Completely embrace it! Make it your own.

Happiness and joy comes not so much from the cards we are dealt, rather how we play the cards we were dealt.

Sing some Christmas songs around the house. I’ve been playing the piano and singing carols. The echoing makes quite a resonance. I almost sound good. Lol.

Sing your life, literally and figuratively. Fill your house, and your soul.

My goodness, twenty days. I better get practicing. And some presents. And chocolates. And food. Lol. Seems I am behind a little with all the overtime I’ve been working.

Take care my friend.

D

[AndrewP]

Instead of trying to not be so single, embrace being single. Completely embrace it! Make it your own.

Happiness and joy comes not so much from the cards we are dealt, rather how we play the cards we were dealt.

Sing some Christmas songs around the house. I’ve been playing the piano and singing carols. The echoing makes quite a resonance. I almost sound good. Lol.

Sing your life, literally and figuratively. Fill your house, and your soul.

Thanks D.

Don't get me wrong, there's quite a lot that I enjoy about livin alone. The elbow room is certainly nice. It's been about 9 years since the kids moved out on their own and so it was just the two of us for a few years, then me, then myself and my son for a few years, B, S and her brood and back on my own again. So I actually have quite a bit of practice on being on my own, not to mention the 6 years or so between moving out from my parents to meeting my wife.

It's better to be alone I've learned than to be with someone who makes you feel "less than". I enjoy being able to cook, clean, entertain myself without any concern for others. Although I DO enjoy cooking for others, cooking for just myself is a bit more freeing.

I do have a good life, it's just not as full as I would like it to be. I suppose it's like cooking side bacon - easy to go from underdone to overdone and everyone has their own preferences as to how they like it. I've been taking to baking it in the oven lately with a bit of maple sugar - yum.

Speaking of cooking, time to start the french toast for today's breakfast. I made beer bread yesterday from a local pilsner for this purpose. Going to add some back-bacon, local sausages.

I was looking for my small collection of Christmas mugs - grrrr - gone. I presume into S' storage locker. Going to have to get some more. Unfortunate - I was attached to those. But a reminder about wrong people. S seemed continuously surpised that I knew the difference between dish and hand towels, not that she ever did the dishes even in her apartment.

I remember her and her kids telling me that every other man she had dated was a "man-baby" - so perhaps having someone who was more than capable of taking care of themselves and others was something she wasn't able to process. Which perhaps explains why the more traditionally feminine things, my bath stuff, sewing and now my Christmas mugs were all scooped up. Not to mention the other stuff that was taken "just because". Lessons learned - scars still itch from time to time to remind me.

Sigh - my griddle calls.

Have a great day all.

[AndrewP]

Vacation time is winding down. It's been a pretty low pressure / low key time. I've not put too much pressure on myself to "get things done". I have given the house a good clean, got my Christmas cards out and largely finished the plaster repairs in one of the empty bedrooms. Various things have been tried in the kitchen - this morning's fried cucumber for breakfast was perhaps healthy, but disappointing.

I spent probably far too much time working on getting my Plex media server all set up and working the way I wanted it to. I have a fair amount of content which has been awkward to get to so it's nice to have it all sorted and easily available. I did have to spend quite a few hours renaming files though so they would get picked up and indexed properly. I also did some fairly thorough computer backups - something I'm paranoid about having been burned by not having good backups before. I use the same server (Raspberry PI sitting in the hall closet) to store one of the copies of the backups which the home computer synchronizes automatically every Saturday morning - yep - he's a computer nerd still. I also have 2 other backup drives which are normally kept unplugged to ensure safety from any sort of virus or whatnot not to mention the copy of files I send to my daughter a couple of times a year.

Yesterday I sat down and went through my charitable donations list. I was annoyed to see that last year that my donations were down about 25% so bumped them up this year. I split them about 50/50 between local and international organizations. I went back about 8 years to see what groups had been donated to before to be thoughtful about it. Each year I try to cycle in one new charity and will occasionally need to let one go - there's only so much budget to go around. I haven't added one in for the year-end giving although there is a local animal rescue that I donated to through the year. In the new year, I may pick a charity to start doing some volunteer work with. The local hospital foundation or perhaps the food bank are up on the list. My canceled trip opened up some budget room so I could afford to be a bit more generous.

---

I was worried that spending so much time actually alone without even work interaction would be tough, but after a day or so I've been fine. I do peek in at how the plant is running from time to time just so I am aware and a couple of issues that have been sent to me were dealt with. A couple of phone calls as well when the plant wasn't able to get in touch with another "manager".

I was a bit surprised when a friend of a friend connected to me on social media. She's not someone who is active there and is probably not expanding a friend network. Our mutual friend is someone who was at me recently that I should be dating though. Whenever I get a connection request I always double-check the bona-fides. Manager of one of the local banks for quite a few years, probably 8 or so years older than me, no indication of any spouse so perhaps checking me out? I dunno - I accepted the connection request, hit "like" on a recent post of her's that I did like and left it there.

When I was in the drug store yesterday a nice woman apologized for blocking my view in our typical Canadian way. I laughed and commented "as if I knew where things were". She asked and then helped me to find the low dose aspirin I was shopping for and then opened up a conversation about how other pain medications didn't seem to have been a thing when she was younger, one of her kids having an allergy to aspirin and that oh - she was 52. Nice lady - interesting conversation - rather pretty too. I thanked her and went on my way.

So I'm going to allow myself to believe that if I do choose to date that there are women out there who seem to have their act together and who could be interested in me. Still not even "on the fence" about that, more just peeking over to see what colour the grass is.

Speaking of fences and such, the house next door to me sold after being on the market for only a week or so. So I presume they got their asking price which is 3 X what my house was appraised for 6 years ago when I bought my xW out. My lot is 3 X the size of that property and my house is probably about twice the size. On the other hand, that house was recently gutted and re-done and I still have wallpaper up from the 1940s. Sad as it is to say, I was perhaps "lucky" that my xW and I split before the jump in house prices and I bought her out. I think we've seen probably a 125% increase in prices since then. I'm a little bit nervous about having new neighbours - hopefully they are nice people.

Speaking of the xW, I was surprised on Monday afternoon when I went in to town to see our son's car in their drive. I thought he might stop by here later as there are a couple of things he was to pick up, but he didn't. Probably for the best as the weather was a bit dirty in the evening. He did say that he was taking a few days off to do his Christmas shopping so it must have been this week he was off to be there in the afternoon. Yesterday when I was again in town going to the drug store and hardware store etc, her car was still in the drive and since there was bare pavement under it, it must not have gone anywhere. She must be taking some time off too. None of my concern.

When decorating the tree I purged a few more ornaments. One of them was one that my xW might have wanted but after giving it some hard thought I chose to toss it. It's been years and if there was anything she wanted she's had oodles of time to ask for it. Still feel a bit bad about doing that.

I think I'll need to spend some time shopping for new or new to me decorations. I'm purging faster than replacing as things wear out etc. That's where I could certainly use some help from someone with decorating sense which I know isn't one of my strengths.

Time I suppose to move things along with my day. Done my morning status check of the plant, diarized here. My goals for today is to get some groceries, check the flea market to see if they have a flour sifter (pretty sure S took the one I had), butcher shop etc. Then finish the plaster work in the one bedroom and give the second one a going over for plaster repairs as well. I did pick up primer yesterday so hopefully in the next short while I can have these rooms ready for a coat of some neutral coloured paint. I have 2 cans of a grey paint in the cellar that should work fine. Be nice to get those part-done projects behind me so I can move on to other things.

[Dawn70]

Glad you had a decent vacation but sorry you didn't get to go see your daughter. I do understand why all of the uncertainty on being able to return safely was a concern though. Thanks for sharing pics of your tree and that handsome boy Monty. It looks good and he looks content.

Christmas card is on the way from way down south....maybe it will bring a little warm air and Christmas cheer with it when it lands in your mailbox (hopefully in time for Christmas....but if not, well happy whatever when it does actually arrive).

[DnJ]

Good Morning Andrew

I’m glad your vacation was low key and low pressure. Very nice to see the plant was barely in view; one needs to unwind and recharge.

I did wonder at the fried cucumbers. I’ll take your assessment of disappointing on faith and stick to potatoes. Lol. And yes, maple sugar on bacon is divine.

It's better to be alone I've learned than to be with someone who makes you feel "less than".

Oh so very true.

To further this a bit; and in no means reflecting upon you; we all live with ourselves. That “someone” can make one feel less than as well. That’s the first needed lesson, which we often learn out of order.

I’m with you, I find cooking for others more satisfying than for just myself.

my small collection of Christmas mugs - grrrr - gone. I presume into S' storage locker.

…a flour sifter (pretty sure S took the one I had)

Darn. Eventually these surprises will cease.

You are correct, quite lucky getting finances settled back when prices were less. A 125% increase on your house appraisal would have made things very uncomfortable financially.

I was amazed to see how fast your neighbour’s place sold. Presumably without any 1940’s wall paper; I mean that stuff it in high demand. Well, I hope so, since I have plenty of it. Lol

When decorating the tree I purged a few more ornaments. One of them was one that my xW might have wanted but after giving it some hard thought I chose to toss it. It's been years and if there was anything she wanted she's had oodles of time to ask for it. Still feel a bit bad about doing that.

Its ok. She has had plenty of time. And more importantly, ample opportunities to acquire that which she might have wanted. I completely empathize with your feelings, I share similar.

Hope the rooms go well and you can put those projects behind you. It will be wonderful to bring your vision of them to life.

Have a great day.

D

[AndrewP]

Not much going on here in the Land of P

Getting more or less back into the swing of things at work. It seems that I was missed at least by some of the people including my boss who took over the bulk of my role while I was off.

The railway has been unreliable lately - it seems because of poor planning around crew holidays and that's left us in a bit of a pickle in terms of being able to move cars in and out. We have a big stack of cars waiting to come in and customers who are looking for them to be delivered in time for Christmas - who doesn't want 90 tonnes of hazardous chemicals just in time for the holdiays

Other than that and the usual sort of things that make year-end a busy time, it's going decently well. I've got orders more or less caught up but have had to juggle some things to get access to one of the blending tanks for a special order that's got to go out next week. The big worry is to be ahead of orders enough so that our customers aren't caught short while staff are on holiday. It requires a certain amount of SWAG (Scientific Wild A$$ Guessing) to project demand that you've not been told about. Since we have a fairly small product line it's not too hard to do and if I have something on the floor that isn't needed right away I can be confident it won't sit for too long.

---

Not much going on in my personal life either. I had a nice brunch with my son last Sunday - he had slept in and offered to cancel when I called and woke him up after waiting for 1/2 hour. Given that the most important thing I had on my agenda that day was spending time with him, waiting for him (another 45 minutes it turned out) wasn't an issue.

He's not sure what his Christmas plans are - he and his mother are both pretty poor at making plans so I called dibs on Christmas day but did say that if he "had other plans" that I could accommodate. I'll nudge him early next week for a firm decision as that will impact when I need to start preparing things.

My daughter and son-in-law's parcel arrived yesterday and managed to sit on their front porch for 5 hours without being stolen. We'll undoubtedly do the "open presents together" thing via Skype when my son is with me.

---

Nothing happening relationship-wise. I occasionally browse the OLD sites but not with any enthusiasm or seriousness. I suspect that if I do find someone, that it won't be using that method. I've not heard from "C" in some time although our paths are crossing more regularly on social media given her recent involvement in a small business in my village. I may reach out to her in the New Year to see if she wants to have lunch and catch up.

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In other news, my friend 20S (same age as my son) and her most recent "true love" have split. He's gotten a new girlfriend rather quickly so I expect that there was some "relationship overlap" there. 20S didn't say anything specific to me, I only figured it out when I asked her where I should send her Christmas card and she gave me her grandmother's address. At least this time she's not trying to store more stuff in my house. 'Tis the season for breakups though. I know that one of the reasons I split from S was that I couldn't bear the idea of being around her and her family for Christmas pretending to be all a happy family.

I feel a bit bad for 20S - but not a huge amount. For those playing the home game, like S - or even more so - she jumps in headlong into new relationships and takes over. She had everything all planned out. I did have a look on social media and her ex BF's new squeeze is early 40s with a handful of kids, a fair amount of tattoos (it's a personal choice) and lots of cleavage - so probably at least 10 years his senior. 20S has the tattoos I believe and lots of cleavage as well and has gone through a train of guys in relationships like this for as long as I can remember. At 27 though the pool of available guys is getting muddier and muddier I would imagine. I'd like to think that post mid-40s with empty-nesters etc that it clears up a bit but honestly can't say that I can confirm that.

---

I have pretty much everything set for Christmas including a new tradition I'm going to try - Christmas pudding with brandy. A store-bought pudding this time around.

It's hitting me a bit in the feels thinking of Christmas' past and how it's tough not having anyone around to share the joy of preparing etc - but I've not had that for 6 years now. First year in quite a few though that it's just me (and the cat) under the roof.

One thing I don't miss though is having to deal with my in-laws. They were a pretty toxic bunch over-all although my x-MIL was a sweetheart. Shame my xW took after her Dad more than her Mom.

PS - Cat is doing well these days. We've watched a number of Christmas movies together recently.

[DnJ]

Merry Christmas Andrew

Wishing you joy and peace this holiday season.
All the very best to you and your’s.

D

[AndrewP]

Merry Christmas Eve from Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan!

The forecast unfortunately has shifted over to a brown Christmas this year. We do have a bit of snow on the ground but with the forecasted rain it will melt. The good news though is that it means my son will have fairly decent conditions for driving over on Saturday for dinner.

Things are getting scary around here and a lot of people have canceled / scaled back plans. I was surprised that my boss said he had been expecting over 30 people - I had no idea he had such a large family - or presume it is family - and that most of them have now canceled.

I went out for wings and beer with one of my best friends earlier this week - restaurant was fairly busy although our server mentioned that she and her co-workers are having a hard time getting hours. I made sure to tip well. He's gone back to driving school-bus (he's retired) so it made me a bit nervous.

The plant is going to be fairly busy over the holidays although the railway didn't show up again last night. When they spun the "wheel of excuses" they came up with "high wide detector" which I believe acts up during inclement weather or when there's a long weekend. I have 6 cars that I need to have in place to be loaded / unloaded by Tuesday night - so hopefully they will give us a recovery service although I doubt we'll see them before Monday night which will make Tuesday extra busy.

Some stresses at the plant going on. One of our two admin regular admin people is off for medical until at least the end of the month so the bulk of the load is going on to one person. I help out as much as I can. There was some drama a couple of days ago because of the stress of one person doing far far too much and she exploded and announced that she was quitting. Instead of empathizing (which he's not really good at) our boss showed his engineer side and tried to suggest quick fixes and ways that she (who has been in the job nearly 20 years) could do things better. It didn't go over well. She's still there and I think feels a bit better because - yes - he did hear her and does care - and she is a very devoted employee.

---

Christmas preparations are almost done here. I had to pop "in to town" this morning to pick up my fresh flowers, some traditional chocolate for stockings, a few groceries. Work is fairly light today. The one side of the business is shut down for the holidays so I don't need to worry about them. I've got a stack of things to take care of still though so even though it's officially a 1/2 day I'll probably put in a good 7-8 hours or so.

F at the flower shop was bemoaning the fact that she doesn't get a stocking and since her boss does get one from her mother still that she wanted to be adopted. They're such nice people there. I don't really seem to get an "I'd like to date this guy" vibe from F in recent times I don't think - no clue if she's seeing someone anyway but I'm pretty sure she's not.

This Christmas does feel odder than others. First year I think ever that I've not had someone else under this roof with me other than the cat. There was the one year that my son went to stay with his mother but he was still living here so it's different now.

Not sure what my son's plans are but I've not heard from him that he won't be here so the plan stays for Christmas Dinner tomorrow night and then opening presents with his sister via Skype.

I have the duck pretty much thawed as is the "fresh bread". The menu will be roast duck, mashed turnip, mashed potatoes, gravy, steamed carrots, fresh bread with Christmas pudding with flaming brandy on top (new this year) for desert.

I have the Hogfather's pork pie ready to go for tonight to refresh him as he goes about his round's as he fills the stockings here for my son and I. I believe that a glass of sherry will also be able to be had.

A Very Merry Christmas / Happy Hogswatch to all!