Reasonably close to her parents, but think it's more about her than my relationship with them. And yes her mum knows what is going on.
Don't know if the AP is still on the scene and she would lie about it anyway as she has lied about other stuff.
Her reasons for leaving change constantly and sometimes accepts responsibility and others places blame on me. Whatever suits her narrative at the time. Will not discuss next steps or talk financials, still living in a hazy world where nothing is getting dealt with.
Galaga, I like your thinking here. I love that you know that you cannot believe anything she says, even if it is something you want to believe. LBSs struggle with that so much. "But he/she says there is no OP!" Yeah right. So well done.
I also like your observations on her changing reasons to leave. The mental gymnastics WASs go through in order to justify what they are doing is astounding. They can convince themselves of almost anything. I've even seen WWs that have convinced themselves that they were physically abused when there was no physical abuse. I believe they actually believe. The rewriting of history is rarely done consciously, but they have convinced themselves of that reality.
As far as nothing getting dealt with, just let that go. Go out and live your best life. GAL, continue to self-improve, and work on detachment. Move forward with your life and leave her to figure out her own stuff.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Galaga - I feel for you. This is one of the most difficult times most of us have experienced. The vets on this board though are testaments that you will get through it, and life will be good. Think about your sons and your grandkid. I agree w/LH on individual counseling (IC). Keep up the GAL. We're all pulling for you.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Galaga, one thing that pulled me through an abusive childhood that was sometimes a living hell was knowing that, if it got beyond my ability to manage, I could leave (live on the street), and as a teen I counted the days until freedom. This pain and difficulty coping is temporary.
I agree with LH that your last message indicates an urgent situation and you should seek treatment in addition to this forum. A couple good numbers to call: 1) In the USA, 1-800-273-TALK. 2) In the UK, 111. The forum’s prohibition against outside links hopefully does not include government-endorsed crisis hotlines for when people want to give up on life. These lines aren’t just for imminent emergencies. They help people in dark moments find resources to work towards enjoying life again.
You need professional help to get through this stage. Pick up the phone and talk to someone. You might not like the first one or two counsellors… but you will find one that clicks with you, who gives you the tools to get past this difficult time.
Don’t give up. The night is darkest just before the dawn. Things are going to get better!
I am at the point that I want to confront the prick. He blocked me as soon as I knew about the affair. Which in itself says he knew it was crap but still kept doing it.
I won't though as it proves I am less than both of them.
Have spent today making a bedroom in the shed for my granddaughter so her parents have their own space. Invited DIL father to help so that he feels part of the transition. That was good because normally I would just do stuff by myself and refuse help.
So also cooking a family pork roast for us to sit down and have dinner together.
Another day forward in this piece of crap that life dealt me.
But I have got drunk twice this week to hide from [censored]. One of the reasons she said she left. I've been so good since BD and didn't want to but this week just everything has crushed me....
Last edited by Galaga; 11/21/2109:58 AM. Reason: Update
Got a message from her this morning asking if it was OK for her to come and visit boys (19 and 22) and grandchildren? She saw pics of the room I'm building for granddaughter and responded with a heart emoji.
Not sure how I feel about this.
Might be cake eating??
Originally Posted by LH19
G,
Confrontation will only push them closer together.
Don’t be one of those bitter people who blames life for your troubles.
You know how you got here and it looks like you are going down that road again. Making real changes in life are hard and requires discipline.
This isn’t easy but you can get through it if you stay sober and take it one day at a time.
Yes I know. It was a fallback and I'm not proud of it at all. Been doing so well but this week just felt like crap due to her getting more gear from the house and removing her "married" status on Facebook. I know don't worry what she is doing and focus on myself!!!!!
