Don't really want to get lawyers involved as it will cost a fortune.
We always get LBSs here that say they can't afford a lawyer. Divorce is a legal proceeding. When it comes to D, unless it is completely amicable and with NO disputes, you cannot afford to NOT have a lawyer.
It is like having car trouble and saying "I don't want to involve a mechanic because it will cost a fortune......"
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Any parts in particular? I still want to resolve this and can only see if I do anything it will only push her further away.
I posted the link as an example on how do deal with any lies.
Normally they admit one or two layers less than the truth.
We are just friends = We are more than just friends. We have either an emotional or sexual relation. We kissed once = they have done more than kiss. We had sex once, it didn't mean anything = We had sex many times, most likely still
You have gathered some intel that lets you know you she lies to you.
Do not tolerate lies.
Read as much as possible during this initial phase. Everything you will encounter during your journey through this process has been experienced by posters here. There are many choices on how to respond to things, arm yourself with as many options as possible, determine which will be the most effective in your current sitch, and behave accordingly.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Galaga, you have to detach from all the crazy in your life and reassess.
You have to do the right thing for you and be prepared to let the chips fall where they may. Stare down the barrel of the gun and don't blink - because this won't kill you. It will only hurt as much as you allow it to.
People may have negative reactions to you setting clean boundaries and doing what needs to be done. That's OK.
Your W is out of the house and with your kids having their own kids you can prepare for them to fly the coop too.
You are in a transition phase of your life and it is up to you to capitalize on this. Take time to think through a plan and outline your goals.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Don't really want to get lawyers involved as it will cost a fortune.
Hi Galaga,
That's a common fear. Consulting a legal professional for periodic advice can cost as little or as much as you want/allow them to. It's like when you sprain an ankle--you can pay for a $40 telepresence visits, or a $120 in-person visit with a podiatrist + $50 for a brace, or you could spend $2,000 for an MRI. If you're not sure about getting an MRI at this point, that's fine, I'd still spring for Telepresence visits. Get someone competent guiding you legally. You don't have to tell her. It's not an arms race.
I posted the link as an example on how do deal with any lies.
Normally they admit one or two layers less than the truth.
We are just friends = We are more than just friends. We have either an emotional or sexual relation. We kissed once = they have done more than kiss. We had sex once, it didn't mean anything = We had sex many times, most likely still
You have gathered some intel that lets you know you she lies to you.
I pushed again last night about the affair. "I only kissed him". Which deep down I'm starting to disbelieve.
Told her I loved her but that she was becoming an alien. She responded "you know what, I love you too but couldn't continue the way it was. I know you have got help and I'm glad. I've got help as well. I'm sorry I broke up our family. No one else did it it was me. I got up and I walked away."
But then fast forward to today and she came and collected more of her stuff from the house. I left because at this moment I don't want to face her. I'm not detached enough.
This is only a guess on experience in life and in these forums
If she admitted she kissed him, she went further. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Don’t ever believe what they say, believe what they do. A perfect example is your last post. She says she loves you, she says she sorry for breaking the family. She says she’s got help…however what she does is continue to pack to leave.
Definitely get a lawyer. You’ve been fired for now, but if it helps, hopefully just laid off as her partner. Protect yourself. Spending 2 or 3 grand now could save you 10 grand later.
Keep your head high.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
This is only a guess on experience in life and in these forums
If she admitted she kissed him, she went further. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Don’t ever believe what they say, believe what they do. A perfect example is your last post. She says she loves you, she says she sorry for breaking the family. She says she’s got help…however what she does is continue to pack to leave.
Definitely get a lawyer. You’ve been fired for now, but if it helps, hopefully just laid off as her partner. Protect yourself. Spending 2 or 3 grand now could save you 10 grand later.
Keep your head high.
That is definitely my boundary. And it's obvious I'll never get the truth out of her. I'm sure it was more and she is ashamed or doesn't want to be honest about it.
Son 19 was here when she picked up stuff today and asked her if I knew she was here .....if not she wasn't allowed in.
"But it's my house too" she responded. She didn't take too kindly to being told no it isn't.
