Of course it does! She gets to go off, meet men, have sex, and then come home to play house. She gets to have her cake, and eat it too.
Look scaredA, I know you're trying. But your problem is right in your screen name. "Scared". Fear is your enemy. It will make you do things out of weakness. Like buying here an expensive handbag to get her to stay. You have to start focusing on you and your kids. Quit focusing on her. I know that is difficult, but it's the only way you'll ever move forward. Most WWs will cake eat forever if you let them. At some point you have to realize that being D'd is better than being walked all over.
I don't really get what you and LH19 are saying. Are you saying I shouldnt try to change things up as she is a lying cheater and I should just go straight to divorce?
I understand she is currently having her cake and eating it, but at the moment I have no leverage to lay down the law. My understanding with LRT is that if I make small changes to my behaviour, as I am trying to do, she will automatically make small changes in the way she responds to me. I can see this happening already, two months ago she left the room when I walked in, now she is sitting across the lounge from me as I type this. There was full on talk of divorce and leaving two months ago, now she says she is confused.
Will these small changes not build on each other until at some point in the future we can see that things are not going to improve any further or it will reach a point when we can discuss her behaviour.
I really love my wife and my kids and want to do everything I can to prevent a divorce. The divorce can either happen now, or 1 year, 2 year in the future. It will still be a divorce. But at that point at least I can hold my hands up and say I tried.
Am I really being walked all over for trying to repair the damage?
I don't really get what you and LH19 are saying. Are you saying I shouldnt try to change things up as she is a lying cheater and I should just go straight to divorce?
I am not saying that at all. I am saying to give her space, think about your values and focus on you and the children.
Originally Posted by scaredA
I understand she is currently having her cake and eating it, but at the moment I have no leverage to lay down the law.
What do you mean lay down the law?
Originally Posted by scaredA
My understanding with LRT is that if I make small changes to my behaviour, as I am trying to do, she will automatically make small changes in the way she responds to me.
Maybe and maybe not.
Originally Posted by scaredA
I can see this happening already, two months ago she left the room when I walked in, now she is sitting across the lounge from me as I type this. There was full on talk of divorce and leaving two months ago, now she says she is confused.
This is most likely because the cat is out of the bag. She doesn't have to hide it from you.
Originally Posted by scaredA
Will these small changes not build on each other until at some point in the future we can see that things are not going to improve any further or it will reach a point when we can discuss her behaviour.
So you think it is as easy as "i have been a good boy, you can stop your affair now'?
Originally Posted by scaredA
I really love my wife and my kids and want to do everything I can to prevent a divorce.
So give her time and space and focus on you.
Originally Posted by scaredA
The divorce can either happen now, or 1 year, 2 year in the future. It will still be a divorce. But at that point at least I can hold my hands up and say I tried.
This is true. What I said to you was my opinion after hindsight. I once held on tightly to "I tried everything".
Originally Posted by scaredA
Am I really being walked all over for trying to repair the damage?
You are in a tough spot. She knows she has the upper hand and is quietly enjoying every minute of it. You have to have some kind of boundaries or you will get walked all over. Start small. You won't tolerate her talking to you about how sex with another man was great.
