Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 491
Likes: 9
S
ScottB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 491
Likes: 9
Every single week brings something.

I believe I mentioned the text my STBEx sent me three weeks ago about the "rumors" of her and one of my neighbors. Well, last week my STBEx sent me a spreadsheet of 500+ rows of all the money I owed her going back to 1/1/2021. There were charges of $4 and $10 at amazon and Target as well as larger ones. We agreed that I would pay 70% and she would pay 30% of kids expenses related to school and healthcare. Well she sent all the bills and then some over. Recognize that we are 50/50 custody, and that she works making over $140k per year. She also fought for child support in the settlement and spousal support which comes to over $3k per month and I owe her money, because I had to buy my business of $6k per month. So she is not hurting by any stretch.

And I buy the kids things and haven't sent her a receipt. Shoes, snowboards, ski passes, clothes, etc.

So the 500 rows and charges that are as low as $4 really bothered me. It made me wonder what our marriage was about. She seems to be coming after all the money - literally nickels and dimes.

So I text the woman who was mentioned by my wife in the rumors she said she would be glad to talk with me. Both her and her husband came over to my house.

He apologized for inappropriate behavior. He hid his relationship with my wife; sounds like another EA, and I don't think it went beyond that. They have now been in marriage counseling since she found out last year. Of course I was used to my STBEx hiding things from me and I knew she was too emotionally involved with this guy, but I guess it went on about a year longer than I was really aware.

Anyhow, my STBEx had him put my gun in his gun safe when she took it out of our house at some point. And this past September she wanted it back, but he had blocked her on his phone. So she texted his wife and she didn't respond, because first she didn't know they had my gun and seconed her take was that it was mine and if they were going to give it to some they would give it to me.

So then my Ex got another neighbor woman involved to attempt to retrieve my gun (which had been a gift from her father). And when that didn't work she cornered the husband and threatened them via text saying "If you don't give me my F-ing shotgun I will be calling the police on you."

So my neighbors left it on their porch and told her to get it. Crazy stuff.

And then today I got all the documentation to sign and send off to the attorney's to file.

And when I got in this morning I had 7 emails from my ex. 3 of them related to expenses I owe her for now. And she's keeping a spreadsheet.

I'm spiraling a bit with all of this, which is why I came here to write.

The newly revealed EA is just par for the course. She was friends with the wife, never apologized, and doesn't seem to care at all who she hurts. So that is oddly validating for me. Also, my ex had told me that my uncomfortable feelings about the husband and my STBEx's relationship were BS and accused me of being a bad jealous husband.

I want this over with. But now, it feels like I'm going to be getting hit with nickel and dime expenses for the next 8 years until the kids turn 18. I just want this behind me. I want to move on. It all makes me feel sick.

This day will be behind me soon. It will probably be a bad week or so. I'll need to figure out how to get the ex off of my back with the expenses. And then there will probably be another couple bad days or weeks as we move through the dissolution process in the courts.

I'm so angry about all of it. Sorry for the long emotional venting post, I could probably go on for days.

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,309
Likes: 283
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,309
Likes: 283
My X had the spreadsheet as well. I got limits put in place. items needed receipts. All items needs to be submitted by a deadline. We had a financial mediator to help resolve disagreements (Never used him).

Here is the last Email regarding this topic:
Quote
Hi X,
It appears there is still confusion between the two of us regarding our last agreement signed on 1/14/16, particularly section D.

My understand is we equalize our reimbursements 4 times a year. Currently, we are equalizing during the first part of July for April, May and June expenses.

Part of the equalization is "proof of payment". Your spreadsheets and emails are not proof of payment. I did not see any attachments showing the invoices or the proof of payment.


Obviously I do not want to quibble, but I do want a copy of the documentation we agreed to supply each other for my records.

Best Regards, R2C


I highly recommend get this type of agreement with you X into your paper work.


Do not roll over like a puppy dog.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,309
Likes: 283
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 9,309
Likes: 283
Here is the relevant part:
Quote
Commencing forthwith it is agreed:

A. Father agrees to increase his child support obligation, payable to mother to the monthly sum of XX Hundred (XXX.00) Dollars, payable directly to mother, until further court order. Mother and Father acknowledges that such increase in support may be a deviation from the child support guidelines, but the increase/deviation is in the best interests of all concerned, to avoid the ongoing disputes.

B. ln consideration thereof, mother shall be solely responsible to assume and pay whatever extraordinary expenses she may decide to expend on the children including but not limited to: motor vehicle insurance, acquisition/payment of a motor vehicle and the expense associated therewith; cell/smart phones; and the child(ren)'s extracurricular activities / expenses and father is "excused" from providing financial assistance for such costs...

D. Regarding any issue pertinent to uninsured medical, dental, therapy the parties on a quarterly basis (end of March, end of June, end of Sept. and end of December) shall submit: invoice, proof of payment, proof of insurance, and request for reimbursement; the other parent shall have 30 days in which to dispute and/or pay; in the event of dispute MEDIATOR shall be the master/arbiter of the issue; if the other parent does not dispute, in writing the reimbursement request then the same shall be paid forthwith. Any expense not requested within 20 days of the above "deadlines" shall be deemed waived. The definition of uninsured medical, dental, therapy, etc shall not be controlled by the statutory definition, i.e. since both parties are "custodial parents" the $250 annual deduction shall not apply, and the right to reimbursement shall still be Husband is responsible for XX% and mother YY% responsible.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Scott, what does your lawyer say about this?


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
Hi Scott,

Ready2Change hit the nail on the head. You apparently agreed to pay for 70% of childrens' expenses, and allow submissions 11 months late. That's big money. She is probably as annoyed she has to itemize them, as you are annoyed at having to review $4 expenses and itemize them yourself. If itemization is frustrating you, the simple thing to do is to end it as he proposed above.

Itemize your childrens' expenses this past year. Now, what is the $SUM you owe for 11 months? She would probably be amenable to dropping the itemization and simply paying ($SUM/11) * 5% extra each month.

The only expense in my agreement where my ex and I split costs are mandatory medical expenses. These could be urgent and costly. In our agreement, receipts must be submitted within 30 days.

If you are paying more than child support guidelines, talk to your attorney.

Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 491
Likes: 9
S
ScottB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 491
Likes: 9
Good advice. I hate taking to attorney because it is so expensive but I will need to on this.

On other note, emotionally 3 months ago all that has happened would have set me back pretty far for a couple of days and I’m actually feeling pretty good this evening. The hangovers from dealing with her are becoming shorter.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
Originally Posted by ScottB
Good advice. I hate taking to attorney because it is so expensive but I will need to on this.

On other note, emotionally 3 months ago all that has happened would have set me back pretty far for a couple of days and I’m actually feeling pretty good this evening. The hangovers from dealing with her are becoming shorter.

That's good to hear. You've come a long way Scott.

And yes you need to consult an attorney. It's expensive, but so is being nickled and dimed by your ex.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
Originally Posted by ScottB
Well, last week my STBEx sent me a spreadsheet of 500+ rows of all the money I owed her going back to 1/1/2021.

My ex did the same. She wanted me to reimburse her for the money she spent on groceries the entire prior year. That was literally her only financial contribution to our family. Comical.

Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 1,760
Likes: 193
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 1,760
Likes: 193
ScottB,

Originally Posted by ScottB
last week my STBEx sent me a spreadsheet of 500+ rows of all the money I owed her going back to 1/1/2021. There were charges of $4 and $10 at amazon and Target as well as larger ones.
Charges of $4 and $10? That does seem petty considering the $3k/month child support. Ridiculous.

Originally Posted by ScottB
We agreed that I would pay 70% and she would pay 30% of kids expenses related to school and healthcare. Well she sent all the bills and then some over. Recognize that we are 50/50 custody, and that she works making over $140k per year. She also fought for child support in the settlement and spousal support which comes to over $3k per month and I owe her money, because I had to buy my business of $6k per month. So she is not hurting by any stretch.
Good for you though if she's making $140k and you still got her 7:3!

Originally Posted by ScottB
And I buy the kids things and haven't sent her a receipt. Shoes, snowboards, ski passes, clothes, etc.
Time to start keeping a spreadsheet. It's annoying, but if she's gonna be petty...

Originally Posted by ScottB
The newly revealed EA is just par for the course. She was friends with the wife, never apologized, and doesn't seem to care at all who she hurts. So that is oddly validating for me. Also, my ex had told me that my uncomfortable feelings about the husband and my STBEx's relationship were BS and accused me of being a bad jealous husband.
Sounds like she wasn't just a one-time offender. I can understand why that would be validating. As hard as it is, maybe it's best in the long run you're "getting out".

Originally Posted by ScottB
I want this over with. But now, it feels like I'm going to be getting hit with nickel and dime expenses for the next 8 years until the kids turn 18. I just want this behind me. I want to move on. It all makes me feel sick.
I hear ya. If it makes you feel any better "at least" you only have 8 years...I see your 8 years and raise you another decade! lol Unfortunately that's just the finances, but other stuff is going to go on our whole lives. Graduations, weddings, grandkids...etc. We'll always have some ties to our Exs.

Originally Posted by ScottB
I'm so angry about all of it. Sorry for the long emotional venting post, I could probably go on for days.
The anger is understandable. Good that you are venting. We're here for you.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 491
Likes: 9
S
ScottB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 491
Likes: 9
The process is tough. Dealing with the loss - it’s not just the Ex, it’s the kids and the family. But I just spent some time going through all the notes on conversations I had with my Ex; reading through what she said and how I reacted. I know that I of course played a part, but the truth is that she is out of her mind. I don’t have another way to describe it.

And I would think that it would help me get through this time easier; and maybe it is. But the process of feeling these feelings, dealing with the sadness and loss, a day at a time - being present to it, it [censored].

I wish there was another way, but I don’t think there is. Through it seems to be the only good option.

And space. Reading the past, I would get so confused through my interactions with her that I couldn’t make sense of anything. For me to keep my head on my shoulders and move forward I need to maintain my space from her. Otherwise I fear I could get lost again.

Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard