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Originally Posted by Steve_
But I want to at least try to put down the groundwork for everyone to be able to find happiness and move on.
Steve this is very mature and I am sure this is what the good lord would want you to do. I have a friend who is really close with his exw and I dated a girl who was very friendly with her exh. I guess I have a hard time understanding why you have to move out of the complex and into your in-laws house to accomplish nirvana? Seems odd but you know me I am always skeptical.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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So an update for those interested.

Been going to church on sundays with my kids, my son really loves it. He went to the adult worship with me this past sunday just "to see what we do down there" instead of the sunday school classes/groups, he liked it.

I had a parent teacher conference for the kids I went with EW, it went well, my daughter is doing really great, the covid/divorce was affecting her attitude and doing school online with zoom. Her teacher told us she is by far the most improved student, I see my little girl's writing and its such a great thing!

My son is getting perfect grades, he is his classes most academically proficient kid. He is a little rowdy on the playground but he is an 8 year old boy. Im okay with that, he doesnt bully or anything and enjoys soccer, he is on the schools soccer team.

I sat down last night with OM. I had to take the kids over there since the EW was at work and her parents are over in AZ for a week spending time in thier future home. I sat with OM and he poured me a drink and we just let it out. I told him how I felt betrayed and pissed for a long time, he told me he understood and apoloigized, he also told me how horrible his EW was. I didnt know but she really did a number on this guy. She took him for over $50,000. I warned him to make sure he stands up for himself with my EW otherwise she will run him over for being too nice. He agreed and said thats why they had issues but he is working on it. He told me that he tries to keep her levelheaded and tells her to let me be and to be nice to me, I know he does. I told him I appreciate that. And we agreed that sometimes god just doesnt have that marriage in his plan for you, no matter how hard you try. He said "im sorry bro but if it wasnt me it would have been someone else" I told him its okay I understand that he was right and that I am really happy now with my GF. My goal is to marry this girl someday and have that solid faithful partner that I wanted to be with and just have a simple life. He encouraged me to do it and told me "you deserve that you are good man"

We talked a little about his religious beliefs he used to follow the church back home overseas but since has given up on it, he felt his life had gone too wrong and lost his faith. I told him that its important to me and to my kids and I hope he respects that and he told me absolutely and of course I will.

Things with the GF are going well, its been about 8 months now, Im going to meet her parents next month, The children absolutely adore her and she loves them. They have met up a couple times with me went out for pizza or to something simple.

Oh and the VA hospital called me for an interview monday, I went yesterday and met with the nursing directors and did a panel interview, it went REALLY good. I feel like I will get it, Ive been trying for 2 years. That means my 10 years of active duty military retirement wont go to waste and Ill have great healthcare for my kids. Im praying for that.

Otherwise things are good, not easy and Im struggling a little to catch up financially on some things but I got a great plan and things are moving along. I let my GF know it is gonna take me awhile to get things ironed out but she told me "dont worry about having anything" she said "I love you for who you are, if you take that job at the VA you will lose money but its selfless to serve the veterans, and she added that I was more than enough for her". Its tough because we are still 4 hours apart, but I have made plans to visit her at least every other week.

The next thing to consider is how to make my LDR not an LDR. But I know in time god will provide us a way to work this out, hes done so much for me already.

Thanks for all the advice you guys gave me. I didnt do it perfect but it worked out. I mainly used that in my new R to stand up for myself and know my value. I am 100000% happier in this new R and its for the simplest reasons.

Will update again if things change.

Thanks again <3


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Hey Steve, sounds like you’re in a good place.

When people say their exes are horrible I’m always interested in what the exes would say about them. I had a thought the other day that rather than meeting OM, it would be easier to just ask OM’s XW about anything to worry about.

What’s LDR?


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

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Steve_,

Great update about the kids with church and school. Glad things are going well there.

Seems like that talk with OM would've been super awkward. I can't imagine doing that in my sitch anyway. Hopefully it help you.

Good luck with the VA job...hope you get it.

I wonder with the GF if it's only been 8 months and she lives 4hours away is it smart to get the kids involved with her yet?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Honestly it wasn’t that bad, I’m 100% over the ex. So it didn’t bother me much. I’m glad I did it.

LDR= long distance relationship.

And BL42 I has considered that. I know some here would say to wait a year or etc, but for me it is simple. I know this woman is the one I want, I have just a feeling that I have tried to shake, it hasn’t been easy, our situation is difficult but we stuck together and she is the kind of person that I want to be with. That part I got figured out. But the long distance for all this time is killing us, we are okay but it gets old. I wanted to make plans to close the gap, move closer to her or have her move here or what have you as long as my children will be 100% okay. But I’m not going to put that effort into changing Jobs, cities, custody arrangements, or having her leave her family, school and job to come here if we don’t even know how the kids are going to respond to her.

It was hard to begin to plan that for our lives without knowing the most important piece (the kids) and how they feel. And I wanted to see if she would be able to handle them being around them. So far it’s been good she took them out for pizza and we went to church together once. The kids love her and she really loves them as well. So far so good. She fears the possible “your not my mom” gonna come out of my D’s mouth if she gets punished. But I’m way ahead of that and I am building a slowly going little by little connection between them over time and with the distance it allows for all this to trickle kittle by little. They are not so attached they will be destroyed if we don’t work out, but they get to warm up to her little by little. And she to them as well. So I was okay with the time frame here. It’s not like I tossed them into living with some woman. My plan is to make this long distance go away some how by the first couple months of the new year. In the mean time I’m working on my career and also bonding things with everyone and mending fences with the EW and OM so we all work together for the kids and we can all have want we want for our own lives.


I hope that makes sense to you. smile


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Sometimes it’s hard I admit to not want this to be easy, but something just pulls me and says it will be worth it. And I’m willing to do the work this time. I’m on my purpose, I’m on my mission nobody will tell me no or you cannot do it. I cannot be pushed off. I deserve to be happy to have my ideal simple life and I will work to get it. God willing it will be with this woman. But we shall see. I don’t force anything I don’t pray about first. If a door closes I leave it alone. But so far things have gotten a lot better for me. And I feel like I am where I am supposed to be with who I’m supposed to be with.

If not that’s okay, I can do anything and no matter what I will be alright.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Jun 2019
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Originally Posted by Steve
"I told him its okay I understand that he was right (that if it wasn't him it would have been someone else)"
Originally Posted by BL42
Seems like that talk with OM would've been super awkward. I can't imagine doing that in my sitch anyway. Hopefully it help you.
Steve's relationship with OM is unique. If I recall correctly, he was previously Steve's best friend and part of his circle of military buddies. The first time OM betrayed Steve and slept with his wife, Steve and OM attempted to resume a friendship. That may be what's going on again. Personally, I would not want to be friends with someone who betrayed me like that.

Steve, I'm glad you're happy. You first mentioned considering dating this new girl in May--five months ago. You told your kids about her almost immediately, and five months later they "adore" her. Do consider less of her for your kids. If you ever peek at my thread, you'll know I've been on a wild ride dating. Two months in, my kids don't even know I'm dating. As for the kids don't great in school, that's wonderful! And I'm so happy to hear about this new job. Hope things stay on a positive trajectory.

The elephant in the room--I hope leaving the kids to live with GF is no longer in your thoughts. I know it's hard to be separate from someone you love and want to be with.



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Cwarrior couple things,

He was not in the military and I only knew him a couple months before they got together. We were just casual friends. If he was a military buddy I would have beat his ass.

And my GF and I began talking in March. So the timeline is close but for me I need to know these things are compatible before I make choices that can effect my kids/life/job etc. I cannot waste a year or more dating someone LDR then finding out kids ain’t gonna work. The fact my children saw my relationship with mom cause so much pain the fact that I am happy with someone who treats me really well is the main reason why they love her. They ask about her all the time. She asks about them, she has a photo with my D making a face as her screensaver not even her and I lol. I know that there are times you must be careful, but there is also times you have to have faith in where you are and trust his plan. I have turned things around and picked my life off the floor and she was there for me. She is honest, dependable and faithful. And in 2021 that is becoming rare. Sure this may not work out and I get that if anyone does I lived a life of disappointment but I also am not going to let an opportunity to have the life I want pass me by because I’m too Afraid to get hurt.


My kids will always be a priority and loved anything else we have including my GF is extra to our lives.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Jan 2020
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Hey Steve,
so glad things are going well for you, I really am!!

Just one thing I wanted to comment on.
Quote
I also am not going to let an opportunity to have the life I want pass me by because I’m too Afraid to get hurt.
I think most ppl are telling you to think extra about this because your kids might get hurt, not you.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Steve, great update.

Just a note of caution with kids and gf, this is from personal experience.
Kids really liked OW and loved going to picnics and outings with her and H, until she moved in….and now they are very much of an opinion that she needs to go back where she came from.
Im not saying this will happen to you, but the whole kids adore her worries me in general.

My kids have knows Ow for over 18 months now and they would he quiet happy not to see her again.

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