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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 368
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Joined: Jan 2021
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Hello.

KML, luckily my XH hardly communicates. And most of the time it’s not too moody. At least at the moment. He rarely if ever calls on the phone. So I am lucky right now…especially as I’ve always loved his voice and it would get to me. I will keep your advice in mind if things shift.

I’ve been slowly getting settled into my new apartment, but it’s been difficult because I have also started my training course. I had hoped to settle more before it started but the aggressive timeline my family gave me to get the rest of my things out of the house I was living in really threw that out the window. And sadly, I can see no reason why it mattered for them. So it feels a bit controlling and also not very supportive. But I’m trying to just move forward because I can’t control any of their actions. But it’s hard because being in disarray does not help with being focused on training. It has added undue and unnecessary stress.

I’m starting to feel a little more settled emotionally in the sense that at least now I am living in a place that I can stay as long as I want, and the divorce is final and I have my settlement in the bank. So things feel a little more in my control. I’m ready to feel better and start living my life for me. At least more than I feel I was able to with those things hanging over my head.

I’m still doing IC, and it’s been helpful in dealing with stressors, but I struggle to feel like we are digging into the things in my personality that I want to work on or past experiences I want to analyze. My IC thinks a lot of this work is best accomplished when I am exploring relationships….as it is these situations that would manifest the concerns/issues/hard feelings. So, I am poking around on ways that I may want to start dating again. But I also am settling in and doing this course, so I don’t want to over extend my emotional self. But exploring is a good thing I guess.

I find that I miss my XH…at least the one that I had in the beginning of our relationship. I continue to struggle to understand how that one turned into the person he is now. Even understanding MLC. I also try to realize I will never have that answer in a way that make it easier for me to accept. I have accepted that I can yearn for the one from the past, all while realizing that the person is gone. In my mind, I try to see him as if he died. In many ways he did. But looking at this way helps me to feel more detached from this person he is. Luckily I don’t have to see him or talk to him much. I hope that if I do have to be around him again, I will be able to feel this detachment towards him. Only time will tell.

El


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



1 member likes this: Traveler
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 368
Likes: 36
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Member
OP Offline
Member
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 368
Likes: 36


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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