Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
M
Mach40 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Mach40
Apparently I have been doing it for a very long time, and if I had known it was an issue with our marriage, I could have corrected that too.
Learn from it and move forward. My friends parents reconciled after 35 years apart. You never know what the future holds.
35 years, ouch.. I would be 99.. Probably not going to happen, lol..
True nobody knows what the future holds..


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
Your 64? How old is your W?

Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
M
Mach40 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
Originally Posted by LH19
Your 64? How old is your W?
Mathematical error on my part, I will be 89, as I am 54 and she turned 52 yesterday


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
Yikes yesterday was my exw birthday. Maybe it’s a trend lol.

You’re a year older then me. You’re young! Lots of good available women out there.

Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
M
Mach40 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
Originally Posted by LH19
Yikes yesterday was my exw birthday. Maybe it’s a trend lol.

You’re a year older then me. You’re young! Lots of good available women out there.
We shall see. First , I need to go to Italy for a few weeks. Maybe get some incentive from lovely ladys out there.
I still have allot of work to do on myself.. This passive aggressive stuff really bothers me..


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309

Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
M
Mach40 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
On a side note, I need to get one topic covered, telling her I want to finalize the divorce, once I am ready and detached etc... Advice.
Holidays and her Mother just passing, no need to put more sadness into her life. So, I am thinking after the first of the year.
Should I tell lawyer to process it, or wait till after I talk with her and get a date? reason is, I do want her to have ample time to look for health care insurance, as the major item.. This is just a big change, looking for a policy and setting up payments etc. I never had to do this due to being retired Military..


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
Hi Mach40,

I hope this quote helps you--

Originally Posted by "Edith Eva Eger"
To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself.
Passive aggression is often used by the disempowered. E.g., conscripted soldiers missing shots, an insulted waiter delivering food slowly, or a child hearing "ice cream" but not "chore time". People who can't be assertive. It can also be used to satisfy social norms, e.g. "forgetting" to invite someone instead of telling them "You aren't invited!" You may have had legitimate reasons to use passive aggression in the past. But, start to be aware when you do use it, and if you could be powerful and assertive instead.

Originally Posted by Mach40
Holidays and her Mother just passing, no need to put more sadness into her life. So, I am thinking after the first of the year.
While that's kind (and a fine date), I would encourage you to detach and worry about your side of the divorce. She's already dating and there's never a perfect moment to say, "I'm divorcing you."

Originally Posted by Mach40
Should I tell lawyer to process it, or wait till after I talk with her and get a date? reason is, I do want her to have ample time to look for health care insurance, as the major item.. This is just a big change, looking for a policy and setting up payments etc. I never had to do this due to being retired Military..
While that's kind (and sweet), I would encourage you to detach and worry about your side of the divorce. The court will give her adequate time before finalizing to figure her stuff out.

Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
M
Mach40 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Hi Mach40,

I hope this quote helps you--

Originally Posted by "Edith Eva Eger"
To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself.
Great quote, makes allot of sense. Still need to change the way I speak, since apparently this is an issue.. I need to focus before I speak
Passive aggression is often used by the disempowered. E.g., conscripted soldiers missing shots, an insulted waiter delivering food slowly, or a child hearing "ice cream" but not "chore time". People who can't be assertive. It can also be used to satisfy social norms, e.g. "forgetting" to invite someone instead of telling them "You aren't invited!" You may have had legitimate reasons to use passive aggression in the past. But, start to be aware when you do, and realize passive aggression isn't attractive.

Originally Posted by Mach40
Holidays and her Mother just passing, no need to put more sadness into her life. So, I am thinking after the first of the year.
While that's kind (and a fine date), I would encourage you to detach and worry about your side of the divorce. She's already dating and there's never a perfect moment to say, "I'm divorcing you."

Originally Posted by Mach40
Should I tell lawyer to process it, or wait till after I talk with her and get a date? reason is, I do want her to have ample time to look for health care insurance, as the major item.. This is just a big change, looking for a policy and setting up payments etc. I never had to do this due to being retired Military..
While that's kind (and sweet), I would encourage you to detach and worry about your side of the divorce. The court will give her adequate time before finalizing to figure her stuff out.
The papers are done, everything is finalized by the Judge.. It just needs to be finalized for a date, as we agreed to everything already. She just didnt want to do it , as it was all too fast and once divorced it would be done ( she used a very good word that meant it was final)


Sitting at a Table for One.
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
M
Mach40 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 649
Likes: 18
Planning to detach, focus on not being passive aggressive..
I already started losing weight, and such.. I had heart surgery last year, 99% LDA blockage ( thank God for having a third artery), and I busted my knee up pretty bad, so gained a little belly..
The more I read and see my faults in the marriage, I also see we failed as a couple in one super important category, communication.


Sitting at a Table for One.
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard