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Originally Posted by Mach40
I have texts from her when speaks of where she is in her life.
The more details the more we can help.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I do honestly feel I am her friend now, plan b, and she is eating cake due to me being there for her, allot.
There is another area I have been changing my stance on. Early on I think some LBS think they are plan B and ok and actually happy with it. When in reality I think the LBS is more like Plan G at best.
Never the less are you ok with being plan B,C,D etc? How do you become plan A?

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Mach40
I have texts from her when speaks of where she is in her life.
The more details the more we can help.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I do honestly feel I am her friend now, plan b, and she is eating cake due to me being there for her, allot.
There is another area I have been changing my stance on. Early on I think some LBS think they are plan B and ok and actually happy with it. When in reality I think the LBS is more like Plan G at best.
Never the less are you ok with being plan B,C,D etc? How do you become plan A?
Being any plan other than a sux, period. But, I have the kids to think about.. Sometimes you have to sacrifice for the kids... They will always need me to be a Rock in their life.. I cant show weakness, and I have to be able to support them in lifes hurdles. Not financially, just be there for them..
I can move on without her, my wife, but I dont want it to cause friction with the kids, if that makes sense.
I will gather some texts, and just remember, I think she has moved on much further than me. She is goal oriented, and when she sets her mind on something, its 100%. Work, life etc. Work has been her biggest accomplishment. Being able to be on her own, not dependent on me for much.


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Here is a sequence of texts from the other day..
I do get caught up in stuff, so I am not perfect.. Emotions can sometimes get the better of ya.
Everyone once in a while we talk, but its me who initiates us. She is also very good at validating statements. If I say, I am going to a nice resturaunt, she will say, well have a good time.. She is very hands off on anything about me and has only asked a few times if I was seeing anyone. I flat out said no, why? No response.
Anywho... Here is the texts

Here :I'm sorry I have not responded to your last email. I've just been trying to put thought to everything that has occurred. ( I found some items that were suggesting dating while at her house with one of our animals I went to see as he was sick)

Me: Understand. You dont owe me anything.
Just be up front.
What role am I in your life?.
My mind is on overdrive.


Her: I am absent of the ability to feel. With the exception of my mom's passing, I have not had any true emotions in years. I am coasting. I feel like a shell and I feel like I don't even know myself, personally anyway.


Me:I understand. Your Moms passing was/is a huge toll in you emotionally.
I dont want to add anything to your plate.
Since you and I split, and filed, its been rough for me. Sometimes I just want to shut everything down and cut off all ties. But another side says hold on, there may be a chance, same as when you finally were able to go forward with me after Randy.
But dating is going to prolong healing, in my opinion for the both of us.
If you have no feelings, then you have no feelings. Very unfortunate.
I have always wanted to be the one to raise your smile forever. In reality, only you can.
I guess if you need to date others, i will too.



Her: It took me years to recover from Ex to be able to feel and love again. I recovered and was able to feel love again and thats when we started dating. We got married and I honestly felt so much pain but the events of 2012 shut me down again. Ive been unable to feel since 2012. It's been nine years and Im still broken. When I say I have no feelings, I have no feelings for anyone other than the loss of my mom. I am waiting for an awakening again if thats even possible.



My wife and I are both fixers too. We plan and execute stuff real well. She is Type A, always having to do something to validate her life. Career is the biggest, as she just did 16 hrs yesterday on her B Day trying to fix two real estate transactions.. When Idle, she is depressed..


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Originally Posted by Mach40
Being any plan other than a sux, period.
True Dat!
Originally Posted by Mach40
But, I have the kids to think about.. Sometimes you have to sacrifice for the kids

What exactly are you sacrificing?
Originally Posted by Mach40
They will always need me to be a Rock in their life.. I cant show weakness, and I have to be able to support them in lifes hurdles Not financially, just be there for them...
That will always be no matter what happens.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I can move on without her, my wife, but I dont want it to cause friction with the kids, if that makes sense.
Hasn't your W already moved on?
Originally Posted by Mach40
I will gather some texts, and just remember, I think she has moved on much further than me.
Usually the WW is years ahead of the LBS.
Originally Posted by Mach40
She is goal oriented, and when she sets her mind on something, its 100%. Work, life etc. Work has been her biggest accomplishment. Being able to be on her own, not dependent on me for much.
This is typical for all WW. Nothing in life is 100% other then death and taxes.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Mach40
Being any plan other than a sux, period.
True Dat!
Originally Posted by Mach40
But, I have the kids to think about.. Sometimes you have to sacrifice for the kids

What exactly are you sacrificing? I was thinking that we wouldnt be doing the family things anymore, as the new women would make others uncomfortable, as I would be.
Originally Posted by Mach40
They will always need me to be a Rock in their life.. I cant show weakness, and I have to be able to support them in lifes hurdles Not financially, just be there for them...
That will always be no matter what happens.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I can move on without her, my wife, but I dont want it to cause friction with the kids, if that makes sense.
Hasn't your W already moved on? I guess so, new hair, clothes, home, town etc etc
Originally Posted by Mach40
I will gather some texts, and just remember, I think she has moved on much further than me.
Usually the WW is years ahead of the LBS. I am starting to see that.. Damn am I seeing that.
Originally Posted by Mach40
She is goal oriented, and when she sets her mind on something, its 100%. Work, life etc. Work has been her biggest accomplishment. Being able to be on her own, not dependent on me for much.
This is typical for all WW. Nothing in life is 100% other then death and taxes.


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Originally Posted by Mach40
Her: I am absent of the ability to feel. With the exception of my mom's passing, I have not had any true emotions in years. I am coasting. I feel like a shell and I feel like I don't even know myself, personally anyway.
Is she in therapy?

Originally Posted by Mach40
Me:I understand. Your Moms passing was/is a huge toll in you emotionally.
I dont want to add anything to your plate.
You should have ended it here

Originally Posted by Mach40
Since you and I split, and filed, its been rough for me. Sometimes I just want to shut everything down and cut off all ties. But another side says hold on, there may be a chance, same as when you finally were able to go forward with me after Randy.
But dating is going to prolong healing, in my opinion for the both of us.
If you have no feelings, then you have no feelings. Very unfortunate.
I have always wanted to be the one to raise your smile forever. In reality, only you can.
I guess if you need to date others, i will too.
The rest of this is all about how you feel and being passive aggressive. WWs do not take kindly to this is at all.

Originally Posted by Mach40
Her: It took me years to recover from Ex to be able to feel and love again.
I recovered and was able to feel love again and thats when we started dating. We got married and I honestly felt so much pain but the events of 2012 shut me down again. Iv'e been unable to feel since 2012. It's been nine years and Im still broken. When I say I have no feelings, I have no feelings for anyone other than the loss of my mom. I am waiting for an awakening again if that's even possible.
Translation: I am waiting for someone to give me butterflies in my stomach again. Standard WW script for WWs searching for happiness/excitement in another person.

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How old are your children?

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Originally Posted by LH19
How old are your children?
21 and 31


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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Mach40
Her: I am absent of the ability to feel. With the exception of my mom's passing, I have not had any true emotions in years. I am coasting. I feel like a shell and I feel like I don't even know myself, personally anyway.
Is she in therapy?
No. She has said she knows she needs it.. But has only seen a therapist a few times years ago. Work has overtaken her life.
Originally Posted by Mach40
Me:I understand. Your Moms passing was/is a huge toll in you emotionally.
I dont want to add anything to your plate.
You should have ended it here

Originally Posted by Mach40
Since you and I split, and filed, its been rough for me. Sometimes I just want to shut everything down and cut off all ties. But another side says hold on, there may be a chance, same as when you finally were able to go forward with me after Randy.
But dating is going to prolong healing, in my opinion for the both of us.
If you have no feelings, then you have no feelings. Very unfortunate.
I have always wanted to be the one to raise your smile forever. In reality, only you can.
I guess if you need to date others, i will too.
The rest of this is all about how you feel and being passive aggressive. WWs do not take kindly to this is at all. Thx for that, didnt realize I was being passive aggressive.

Originally Posted by Mach40
Her: It took me years to recover from Ex to be able to feel and love again.
I recovered and was able to feel love again and thats when we started dating. We got married and I honestly felt so much pain but the events of 2012 shut me down again. Iv'e been unable to feel since 2012. It's been nine years and Im still broken. When I say I have no feelings, I have no feelings for anyone other than the loss of my mom. I am waiting for an awakening again if that's even possible.
Translation: I am waiting for someone to give me butterflies in my stomach again. Standard WW script for WWs searching for happiness/excitement in another person.
Okay, well, I wish her the best then. I am definitely not going to be that person anytime soon.


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Mach,

Here's the thing. You didn't break her and you can't fix. Time and space are the only things that turn these things around long-term. She has to learn to miss you for you to have the type of relationship you want with her. You kids are older and they will be fine. It's going to be really hard for you to detach with her as a regular person in your life. You made some mistakes and hopefully you have learned from them moving forward. Don't beat yourself up over it. 9 years is a really long time for her to not have feelings for you. Life is short. Onward and upward!

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