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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by LH19
Who is telling you to to keep the 4-5 day conversations?
No one, it was a time frame I talk to her. It was a comment early on that you would talk to a friend every four or five days for some time. Thats all, and I took it as a positive, as I would still talk to her, in that sense.
So again the 4-5 day conversations are fine as long as you keep them up when she gets a BF. If not then these convos are purely manipulation.
I rarely initiate these conversations. So, are you saying she is being manipulative?


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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by LH19
CW is a WAS and just now has a relationship with his spouse after 10 years.
Trigger warning -- LH often brings up I once wore a WAS hat (I've left and been left). My son was hospitalized as a result of my XW. For me, that was an exit condition. For some, "Til Death Do Us Part" has no exceptions. There are a wide range of people on this board.

Originally Posted by LH19
I don't know Mach how does dinner with the BF sound to you? You can revisit this friendship in 7 years.
Mach can also revisit "dinner with BF" if and when it actually comes up. His wife is currently offering holiday dinners with just her, him, and the kids. There is only a small chance discarding (or preserving) the routine wins her back. A key question is how important is it to him and his kids? It's been years. Take the time to think through what's working for you and what's not. It's obvious you probably want to achieve more detachment than you have now given you've been waiting for years and she's finally dating.
I am a very patient person, but slow to "understand" what really is going on, I will admit.
She is very calculated, intelligent person.. But she was mentally hurt by me.
If it is obvious I want more detachment, how did you come to that conclusion?


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Yes. But also if you discontinue these talks when she gets a BF.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Yes. But also if you discontinue these talks when she gets a BF.
When she gets a BF, I will shut down. The kids and I will keep in communication, but I will not talk anymore. Too painful.. Is that being manipulative on my part then?


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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Is online dating hard for women in their early 50s? Probably harder than in their 30s. The women I know are still flooded with messages, even more than us 40s men. In your favor, maybe only 15% of their matches are stable and securely attached, and maybe they only fancy and are fancied back by 20% of those. It requires persistence to find a good partner and not just easy sex.
I hope this information was helpful to you Mach.
One other thing, not to get my hopes up high, is my wife works 6 to 7 days a week. She is a Realtor, and work has always taken her mind off relationships etc. Just work, work work.. When she is not working, which is rare, she is depressed...
She needs, in my opinion, help to get over lifes depression she is carrying. Its more than me, as her mom just passed a few weeks ago. (Her Best Friend)


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Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by LH19
Yes. But also if you discontinue these talks when she gets a BF.
When she gets a BF, I will shut down. The kids and I will keep in communication, but I will not talk anymore. Too painful.. Is that being manipulative on my part then?
Manipulation is defined as any attempt to sway someone's emotions to get them to act or feel a certain way. These talks are based on you trying to win her back. If she gets a BF and you shut down then that's being manipulative.

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Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Is online dating hard for women in their early 50s? Probably harder than in their 30s. The women I know are still flooded with messages, even more than us 40s men. In your favor, maybe only 15% of their matches are stable and securely attached, and maybe they only fancy and are fancied back by 20% of those. It requires persistence to find a good partner and not just easy sex.
I hope this information was helpful to you Mach.
One other thing, not to get my hopes up high, is my wife works 6 to 7 days a week. She is a Realtor, and work has always taken her mind off relationships etc. Just work, work work.. When she is not working, which is rare, she is depressed...
She needs, in my opinion, help to get over lifes depression she is carrying. Its more than me, as her mom just passed a few weeks ago. (Her Best Friend)
I am not following. How is you W being depressed getting you hopes up?

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by LH19
Yes. But also if you discontinue these talks when she gets a BF.
When she gets a BF, I will shut down. The kids and I will keep in communication, but I will not talk anymore. Too painful.. Is that being manipulative on my part then?
Manipulation is defined as any attempt to sway someone's emotions to get them to act or feel a certain way. These talks are based on you trying to win her back. If she gets a BF and you shut down then that's being manipulative.
Fair enough


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I guess it all comes down to her, and doing what she wants. I can wait, or not..
Decisions take time..
Advice is always welcome, thats why I am back.
Not to be manipulative, but isnt the idea of getting someone to like you, love you kind of manipulative? Maybe I guess more so in the courting phase..

Last edited by Mach40; 10/06/21 06:17 PM.

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Originally Posted by Mach40
Not to be manipulative, but isn't the idea of getting someone to like you, love you kind of manipulative?
Well that depends. If you are not being yourself and doing and saying things that are not the real you then that's manipulative. If you are being yourself then no that's not manipulation.

I can tell you this Mach three years is a long time. I have been divorced just over three years and my exw has shown zero indication she made a mistake. I can guarantee you her life like your Ws is not any better divorced. Sometimes when they are done they are done and things are really hard to undo. The good thing is I moved on a couple years ago and you should consider it too. Life is too short my friend to try to keep someone in your life who doesn't want to be there.

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