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#2924365 10/05/21 10:19 PM
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Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Been a while since I posted, a lot of not much going on and a lot at the same time. Still in lockdown but after 4 long months it is lifting gradually from Monday.

I am doing really well. Chalk it up to time, hard work, regular IC (EMDR), GAL or just realising how good things are, who knows, probs all of the above.

I have so much to be grateful for. I love my S5 and we are so close and just have the most amazing time together, he is so loving. I have a beautiful city apartment near the beach and the water. I love my job and have never been performing better, I have lost some friends but the ones who have stuck around are the best and most loyal one could ask for, same goes for my family.

Time just seems to fly by, I’m enjoying my life and am always busy despite the restrictions (and within in them). I fill my time with S5, reading, writing, learning, exercising. I’ve never been in better shape and I’m 40 in a month.

I haven’t found the need to fill my time with dating, although it helps that I have a very attractive casual acquaintance around the corner and we catch up once a month.

I don’t think about STBXW much or OM. I don’t feel all that much anger either. My last in person interaction was on Sunday and was brief, polite and cordial. She tried with some drama a week ago about the lawyers and how she thought they were being d1cks to her. I adeptly validating her feelings of frustration and defused the situation. Those who have followed me, would have known that deep down it was obvious I’d still take her back, and they were right, but not anymore. I can truly say that I just don’t feel anything for her. Not a stranger, just the mother of a shared child.

I recognise that S5 has yet to meet OM, which following Maika, BL, Ginger, et al, I a, so grateful for but am also prepared for that sooner or later. Perhaps this will make things difficult but hopefully I will have fortified my inner citadel sufficiently by then.

Life isn’t too bad and I can truly see the light at the end of the tunnel. I now believe what I have been reading for the last year on here….that life will be great again.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Originally Posted by Maika
Just read your sitch OB! You're doing fine, more than fine.

Yes, when S5 meets OM, that will be an emotional ride for you. You're doing everything to keep yourself in good physical, mental, and emotional shape. Just know that it's going to $uck for a bit, but you'll get through it.

Thanks Maika, have really tried to focus on a well-rounded recovery. Seeing others who have gone before me on here has been soooo helpful. Thanks to everyone on here for the help that they give.

My apartment and investment property become solely my own on Friday and I expect to get confirmation of the D in the next few weeks. Fresh start I guess knowing some things that I didn’t used to know.

Funny, a friend and I were playing a game the other day and she asked what I would do make all this never have happened. I said nothing, in a weird way I’m glad it did.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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OnlyBent,

Love to hear the update about how good your life is in terms of S5, apartment, job, loyal friends & family, GAL, exercising...etc. It's fantastic you're doing so great. Embrace your 40th birthday coming up...I'm just a few months behind you!

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
I recognise that S5 has yet to meet OM, which following Maika, BL, Ginger, et al, I a, so grateful for but am also prepared for that sooner or later. Perhaps this will make things difficult but hopefully I will have fortified my inner citadel sufficiently by then.
I'm admittedly struggling with it, but will get there. Definitely brace yourself, but I get the sense you'll be a bit stronger than I've been on the matter.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Funny, a friend and I were playing a game the other day and she asked what I would do make all this never have happened. I said nothing, in a weird way I’m glad it did.
^Interesting way to look at it. Great attitude/mindset.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
I haven’t found the need to fill my time with dating, although it helps that I have a very attractive casual acquaintance around the corner and we catch up once a month.
Hmmm...interesting. Perhaps the same lady as above who was asking what you'd do to go back on it? We'll have to keep our eyes out on this one...


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
BL42 #2924385 10/06/21 09:04 AM
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Originally Posted by BL42
Embrace your 40th birthday coming up...I'm just a few months behind you!

When is yours BL, have you got anything planned? We're not allowed to leave our state at the moment, so have booked a pimpin house just north of here by the beach for me and a few of my mates and their Ws, should be great coming into Summer too!

Originally Posted by BL42
I'm admittedly struggling with it, but will get there. Definitely brace yourself, but I get the sense you'll be a bit stronger than I've been on the matter.

Sorry to hear you're struggling this much, I can't understand, but imagine the feeling is tough. STBXW has said she will discuss with me before introducing S5 to anyone so we will see how that plays out. I get the feeling that despite her denials of what she actually did, she feels shame about some of the things she did regarding S5, so that could be why she's holding off.

Originally Posted by BL42
Hmmm...interesting. Perhaps the same lady as above who was asking what you'd do to go back on it? We'll have to keep our eyes out on this one...

Haha no, definitely not the same lady. Nothing to see here, there is zero chance of it becoming something with this girl from either end. She is an attractive, alpha type though, so I get to work on my seduction game constantly when I'm around her.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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OB, great to see you doing you! You are rocking this. Keep up the great work.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
She's still angry and I just meet it with politeness, cordiality. Seems to be doing the trick, we sort out the necessary things and she doesn't bother me too much besides that.
My EXW was never angry in fact she's always cordial to me. I just want nothing to do with her other then kids stuff which is easy when they are older.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
I was at a picnic on Sunday with my two good mates and their fiancées. We just sat and hung and drank by the harbour for 6 hours and realised what a great time I was having and how I never would have been able to have done that with STBXW.
I have had so many good times over the last three years. You learn that as long as you have good, healthy kids and great friends and family nothing else matters.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
As an aside one of the guys is getting married next year and I can already see the signs in his fiancée that not great things are down the road. I want to sit him down and tell him what I now know but not sure that he'll listen or believe it could happen to him.
You have to let these go. He will not believe you and won't listen and will resent you for it. You have no idea what their future holds.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
LH19 #2924527 10/07/21 07:48 PM
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You're update is wonderful. Good to hear. I just wanted to follow up on one thing.

Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
As an aside one of the guys is getting married next year and I can already see the signs in his fiancée that not great things are down the road. I want to sit him down and tell him what I now know but not sure that he'll listen or believe it could happen to him.
You have to let these go. He will not believe you and won't listen and will resent you for it. You have no idea what their future holds.
I'm doubling down on what LH said here. But I'm adding #1 it's none of your business unless your friend specifically asks you for your opinion on the matter #2 don't project your trauma on other people.

Unless you know this girl as well as you know your friend you have no real way of knowing what's a warning sign and what isn't. Talking about our relationships with our friends is not like talking to a therapist. First of all your friends have an implicit bias to take your side. Next they have no reason to believe you to be an unreliable narrator. Much like an AITA reddit thread you're likely to make yourself look in the best light while making the other person appear in the worst light so you don't come off like the problem. And if none of that's the case and your friend is a rare human person who can recount an incident with crystal clarity and absolutely zero bias it's his mistake to make not yours. It's also their relationship and maybe they can work through stuff you and exW didn't have the tools, capacity or ability to. Like LH said you have no idea what their future holds. Don't let your pain taint someone else relationship.

Being beyond wanting to get back with your ex isn't the end all be all of healing after a D. This stuff jades everyone. Try to understand that your take on any relationship right now isn't the most unbiased of opinions. You'll need to be in a place where all of this is water under the bridge before you're truly in a place where what happened isn't coloring your opinion on other people's relationship.

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Originally Posted by wayfarer
This stuff jades everyone.
I am convinced I will never look at life in the same way ever again. Like I was stripped of my innocence. Having your life flipped upside down with no say in the matter is soul crippling and jades you for sure. Just remember more then 50% of marriages make it so that's a positive.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Originally Posted by BL42
Embrace your 40th birthday coming up...I'm just a few months behind you!
When is yours BL, have you got anything planned?
Nothing yet, but considering the year and a half I've with BD/separation/D and the fact it's my 40th, it seems like something epic with friends is warranted.

Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by wayfarer
This stuff jades everyone.
I am convinced I will never look at life in the same way ever again. Like I was stripped of my innocence. Having your life flipped upside down with no say in the matter is soul crippling and jades you for sure. Just remember more then 50% of marriages make it so that's a positive.
Granted, I'm a lot more raw than you two but I feel the same way. To have your family ripped apart without any choice in the matter it's hard to think that'll ever not be a factor in my outlook going forward.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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