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wooba #2920836 07/03/21 07:55 AM
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Wooba, I love that story. I agree with DnJ-- take his lead.

My eldest pieced it all together (including Santa) this year from the tooth fairy... she found something (I can't remember what it was now) that led her to believe that her most recent tooth fairy note had been written in the office-- something in the garbage, or a pen, or something. I pointed out that the tooth fairy could have sat down and written the note at the desk, and she said, also the tooth fairy has Daddy's handwriting (which is a bummer since he always tries to write in this formal script for the TF). So she asked if the TF was real or if Mom and Dad did the swap. I told her the truth, we talked about it for awhile. She asked about the Easter Bunny and same thing. She did NOT ask about Santa. She went and had the same conversation with H.

A few hours later, she came up to me and sat down next to me, and asked about Santa. It was so sweet and sad that Santa was a big enough different deal that she didn't want to ask right away, even though she knew the answer. We talked a lot about Santa and how Santa is like the Christmas spirit, and we do things to show each other how much we love each other in a special way around Christmastime because of the spirit of Santa. That once her dad had stood in line outside of ToysRus to buy this giant stupid LOL doll thing (don't ask) that he did not approve of, but it was totally his idea to get it as a surprise for them and he did it because he knew how much they would love it. She brightened up and said YES, that is right, Santa is real in a way, because Daddy never would have done that otherwise. (True.) We talked about some other special things that we'd done in the spirit of Santa and it was a really sweet and special conversation. And that is where we are.

I think she kind of knew for a pretty long time, but didn't want to ask and know for sure until she was ready. I'm really glad we did it that way. So I guess i'd recommend the same... let him ask you but be ready to go wherever he takes you with it.

Glad to hear so many things are going well!

xx May


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
#2924336 10/05/21 01:16 PM
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Hello all, it’s been awhile!
I tried to come back a few times but the website wasn’t working for me for some reason.
Anyhow- I signed the papers yesterday! We are officially divorced in this country.
We are still married in the US though- that will have to wait until either one of us goes back.
That’s good enough for me now.
Didn’t think it would be any different, but I felt a world of difference after signing.
Just want to come back and share with everyone.
Miss everyone here!

Last edited by job; 10/05/21 01:29 PM. Reason: Merged two threads together.

BD: Sep 2019
D in progress
wooba #2924341 10/05/21 04:25 PM
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Congrats!! I'm glad it's feeling like a world of difference for you. How are and those boys doing??

wooba #2924350 10/05/21 06:00 PM
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Funny how happy we can be to finish a divorce that we never wanted in the first place. Congratulations!

1 member likes this: bttrfly
wooba #2924355 10/05/21 07:08 PM
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congratulations is hard for me to say when someone is divorced, so I will send you best wishes for your future endeavors. xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
wooba #2925930 11/02/21 03:33 PM
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Thanks ladies. The boys so far have been doing well. But Halloween night S2 got upset and said he wanted us to all spend holidays together as a family. I explained that being “together” physically doesn’t not mean that we are actually “together”. The idea of family is different now, and I can live authentically, which is very important to my well-being. And my well-being translates to the well-being of them.

Anyone else watched “maid” on Netflix lately? I strangely find a connection to the story. The feeling of being stuck in a unhealthy relationship, not being able to distinguish the kind of love that I was receiving vs the kind of love I deserved…I’ve been trying to dig through my memory to find all the signs along the way that show that I should have left a long time ago.

I read “untamed” recently also.

And things are starting to click. What I was experiencing in my marriage was that I pushed my needs so far behind everyone else’s - and I thought that was the right thing to do. There were many times were I felt like things are not supposed to be this way, but I talked myself into thinking I should be grateful for what I have.

It is quite scary, looking back and seeing how long I put up with this. And scarier to think that if it wasn’t for exH’s bomb drop, I would have probably still be in the same situation now.


BD: Sep 2019
D in progress
wooba #2925956 11/02/21 05:10 PM
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I hear you on this. It seemed to me like accommodating your spouse was part of marriage, right? (And it is). But in retrospect, I did all the accommodating. Every man I have dated since my ex has treated me better than he did.

wooba #2929298 02/01/22 04:10 AM
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I'm so happy you're happy, wooba! Best wishes for this new year.


T: 16 M:10
BD 6/2019
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