I don’t know if anyone is here today but I could use some encouraging words. I just found out I have to see him after 2 years of NC in 5 weeks which okay fine but today is my daughters 19th birthday and we’re throwing a good sized party. This party has been in the works for a month so I didn’t know about court. I’m feeling so blah and not in the mood for a party. My girls have everything under control but I’d really like to bring my mood up. He sent flowers and she didn’t care. He took D15 to therapy and all he did was whine about having to work 3 jobs. Thankfully the therapist didn’t buy it and gave him a huge guilt trip. Only reason he took her is because she begged him for months. He complained about having to spend $120 a month but easily spends $300 a month on alcohol.
Don’t let the specter of him ruin your party for D19. Celebrate her and the relationships you have with your girls.
Don’t give him so much power over you. Be strong when you go to the hearing. Bring a friend for moral support if you can. Remind yourself when you see him if all the selfish things he’s done since your separation. You can do this.
I’m feeling so blah and not in the mood for a party. My girls have everything under control but I’d really like to bring my mood up.
Stay busy and focus on the present. What is your daughter wearing? What does she want to talk about? Does her cake have enough candles, are her presents wrapped and tagged? If you absolutely can't stop thinking about your ex go for a little exercise.
Originally Posted by kas99
He sent flowers and she didn’t care.
..or, she acted as-if she didn't care? She probably knows her audience by now.
Originally Posted by kas99
He took D15 to therapy and all he did was whine about having to work 3 jobs. Thankfully the therapist didn’t buy it and gave him a huge guilt trip. Only reason he took her is because she begged him for months. He complained about having to spend $120 a month but easily spends $300 a month on alcohol.
It is wonderful he's taking her to therapy, finally, even if he should have done so sooner. Soooo many WAS and LBS struggle emotionally but find excuses not to seek therapy. It's a good sign that D15 feels the therapist is on her side. Hopefully, he feels the same way, and it'll be productive. We've seen therapy go both ways on this board. It's an opportunity.
I know it is easier said than done but try to just focus on your daughter and this awesome party. You have a great relationship with your kids so celebrate with them. Don’t let someone who doesn’t matter have the power over you. You got this.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Don’t let the specter of him ruin your party for D19. Celebrate her and the relationships you have with your girls.
Don’t give him so much power over you. Be strong when you go to the hearing. Bring a friend for moral support if you can. Remind yourself when you see him if all the selfish things he’s done since your separation. You can do this.
Thank you for this. The party was a big hit and everyone had a great time. 3 days before after the house was decorated D19 and I had this mini dance party. She's lost A LOT weight since he left and is unrecognizable now. She's gorgeous!! Her self confidence is through the roof now and she just glows. While we were dancing she says "can you believe 2 years ago I was fat with no friends and now I'm throwing a party?"
She's still the same sweet, kind kid inside but now she's confident enough to let the world see her.
Stay busy and focus on the present. What is your daughter wearing? What does she want to talk about? Does her cake have enough candles, are her presents wrapped and tagged? If you absolutely can't stop thinking about your ex go for a little exercise.
I ended up taking the girls out for pizza beforehand which was a nice distraction. They were so excited that it did bring my mood up.
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..or, she acted as-if she didn't care? She probably knows her audience by now.
Nah he treats all 3 kids like garbage.
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It is wonderful he's taking her to therapy, finally, even if he should have done so sooner. Soooo many WAS and LBS struggle emotionally but find excuses not to seek therapy. It's a good sign that D15 feels the therapist is on her side. Hopefully, he feels the same way, and it'll be productive. We've seen therapy go both ways on this board. It's an opportunity.
Based on history it won't last. He promises them all kinds of things then won't answer their texts, takes it back, avoids them, blows them off, ghosts them, gives a million excuses, etc. The kids say you can't trust anything he says.
I've known him for 30 years and this behavior was there the whole time but I managed his life. He called me controlling which is code for I insisted he be an adult. Now without anyone managing his life he's on a free fall. He's drinking, his health is failing, he's in a ton of debt, my kids say he looks sick now.
I know it is easier said than done but try to just focus on your daughter and this awesome party. You have a great relationship with your kids so celebrate with them. Don’t let someone who doesn’t matter have the power over you. You got this.
Thank you. I'd been doing great until this 10th court date came along and I found out I had to go. I'm told the anticipation is worse than the actual event and I sure hope they are right.
I saw him last night for the first time in 2 years. I've driven past him a couple of times but this is the closest I've been. He dropped off D16 and she didn't expect me to be home that early. I looked right at him but he didn't turn his head so I just saw the side of his face. From the side he looked the same but I could see he's aged more than 2 years. It made me really sad and I wanted to cry but I focused on how much better my life is now. Took a few hours but I came out of it. I think this was good practice for court. I saw him and it didn't devastate me.
I had therapy this morning and I make appointments 2 weeks in advance. The next appointment is Nov 3rd which is the day before court.
From the side he looked the same but I could see he's aged more than 2 years. It made me really sad and I wanted to cry
I'm curious, kas99. In the past, you've sounded pleased when you heard he'd faced hardships or looked older than his age. Did seeing him reverse that desire, reminding you that you care about him and what happens to him?
Originally Posted by kas99
I focused on how much better my life is now.
It sounds like you both believe your lives are better now. Is forgiving him and being friends a possibility? PS - You're partly who nudged me to restore a friendship with my XW. Well, you nudged more, but that was too much.
I'm curious, kas99. In the past, you've sounded pleased when you heard he'd faced hardships or looked older than his age. Did seeing him reverse that desire, reminding you that you care about him and what happens to him?
At this point I want him to go away so I can heal. He's been dragging out the divorce for 2 years and I've had it. I will never understand why it's so hard to divorce someone who has already replaced me.
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It sounds like you both believe your lives are better now. Is forgiving him and being friends a possibility? PS - You're partly who nudged me to restore a friendship with my XW. Well, you nudged more, but that was too much.
He convinced me that I was insane, psychotic, an unfit mother and tried to turn my kids against me. I can't be friends with someone who actively wants to destroy me.
