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Hi Eagle and DnJ,

I am excited for the future. It is just getting all lined up about what I want and how I am going to achieve my goals. At least I am working towards something...something with a good reward too.

H is really trying my patience right now. As far as I can tell, he has not done anything different, I think it is me. I have made a goal, and there must be a part of me that is fighting it deep in my psyche, because it still wants us to reconcile. He has been coming home and I will be making dinner for D26 and I, and he will be asked if he would like something, (since I am in the kitchen, cooking) and he will say no. D and I eat and then he comes back into the kitchen and will have a slice of cheese and bread. He is doing this a few times, as he must be hungry, but it is so annoying. Last evening, he came in while D and I were deciding what to go and pick up (i didnt want to cook) she asked him if he was going to eat with us we were getting dinner and he said he was tired and didn't want anything. She and I left, picked up the food and came home and ate and here he comes, looking for something to eat after all. It is like he is trying to avoid us both.

Today is IC for me, so I will definitely bring this up. I know I should not let him bother me, but it's really under my skin.

Hope you both have a great day. The museum sneak peek is this weekend and I cannot wait! I will let you know how it is after we go.

PLC

Last edited by PLC; 09/21/21 03:49 PM.
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My teenage son does this every night. Bought a ton of containers even and announced he was cooking for himself. Rarely succeeds and ends up eating what I made. It's a regressive effort to show he doesn't need you and is independent. Don't waste your IC time on that. It's just teenage posturing. Ignore and eat out in the garden so you can enjoy your food.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Thank you Gerda,

I need to remind myself that he is mentally a teen. Our daughter annoyed us both at that stage and here we go again.

I appreciate the reminder.

PLC

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Good Morning PLC

As Gerda said, teenager behaviour. Rebellious. Trying to be independent. Brash. Etc.

Yes that kind of behaviour gets tiresome after a while. However, you are becoming annoyed because of unmet expectations. You control your thoughts, actions, and reactions. And you influence/affect your emotions. H’s behaviour does not control your annoyance; it does influence it though. However, you can influence yourself more!

Originally Posted by PLC
H is really trying my patience right now. As far as I can tell, he has not done anything different, I think it is me.

Excellent self awareness my friend. Yes, it is you. smile

Lots of inputs come along and can detract or derail our day / happiness. Who is in charge? Why allow some random event or person alter or change your outlook.

Originally Posted by PLC
I have made a goal, and there must be a part of me that is fighting it deep in my psyche, because it still wants us to reconcile.

Yep. That deep seated inner fighting of our psyche is felt pretty easily. Nice that you recognize and acknowledge it so quickly.

Is your purposeful goal to leave and not reconcile? Or did you place a timeline or deadline upon things? Intentionally or maybe unintentionally?

As hope(s) get deadlines and timeframes attached they become expectations. A deadline does just that, makes hope dead. The unmet expectation turn to poison, and resentment festers within us.

Perhaps, the part you are fighting internally is your hope for reconciliation. Depending upon your life goals - dating, meeting someone else, or living single, etc. - hope can remain alive or it needs to extinguish.

Originally Posted by PLC
I have always been someone’s someone. A wife, a mom, an employee. I want to be me. If someone wants to come along, (I’m hoping H) great. If not I owe myself this chance.

You can be you. And still have hope.

You are tying H, hoping H, will come along on your journey. And if not… See the expectation? Untie it.

H is not going to walk with you as you discover PLC. He is on his own journey which he can barely handle. However, you do not need to move on, nor should you move on, just move forward. H will catch up if he wants too.

Crafting life’s convictions and discovering self is a most worth goal. Take the requisite time and ensure decisions and actions are based upon that which serve.

D


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Hi DnJ,

I read your message, and really thought about what you wrote.

I do need to continue on my path that I can only be on alone. If mine and H’s path intersect down the road, well, we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

I wanted to tell you, this weekend was my museum trip. The new Academy Award Museum had previews for members and D and I got tickets and went. Wow! What a place. I got to see costumes, scripts, different movie making techniques and go through some really interesting exhibits. H would have LOVED it.

Instead, D and I loved it and had a very nice evening. I knew I would not be home to feed the dogs, so I asked H if he would be home since D and I had plans. He agreed, and when D and I returned home,the dogs had been fed and he was already asleep.

He did not ask about the museum and we didn’t volunteer anything. He is still aloof and I prefer to just leave him alone, in this case, I needed to make sure he could do what I needed, and I am thankful he did.

The weather here has been Fall like and quite enjoyable, I look forward to doing some things away from the home.



PLC

Last edited by PLC; 09/28/21 05:30 AM.
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Hello PLC

The museum sounds pretty cool.

Scoring tickets to go before open day of Sept 30th was special and fortunate. Nice to see you and D enjoying such an experience.

The last week has really brought about a look of fall around here. The leaves are yellow and red, with many trees already bare. I hope it last for a while, I’m not in a rush for winter. Lol

D


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Dear PLC,

Thinking about you and wondering how you are doing.
Hope all is OK?

((()))

Eagle


Me(45)EXH(44)
M:15 T:18, S19, S16 & S16
04/19-02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20-08/22 OW2 (+pregnant-his child)
03/22-Divorce official
06/22-08/23 Reconnecting
09/23-possible back with OW2
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HI Eagle,

Thank you for checking in. Things here are basically the same. Since I was here last, I celebrated my birthday, and the Thanksgiving holiday.

H of course, did not mention the birthday, I celebrated with our D. I had a great time. We had a childhood friend who came into town to visit with D and we three went and had a blast out on the town.

H became distant then a little chatty then distant. D left for a business trip and there were days when I never even saw H. We really are roommates.

One thing, for Thanksgiving, I wanted to go to my parents home since last year we did not see them. THey live very close by. I would cook there. I did not tell H. Thanksgiving morning, I briefly saw him and he did not acknowledge the day. So I did not say anything. When it was time to go, D and I left and didn't say a word. I guess he stayed home all day. Friday I could tell he was mad. HE WAS MAD?! Oh, ok. Not yelling, just really abrupt.

He calmed down and since then we have been more cordial. He is no longer with his second fiancé, and hes been home most of the time.

There are days I just want this over and other days, I remember the man I married and I want to have things work out. I still have hope so I am not done.

I hope things are well with you.

PLC

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Merry Christmas PLC

Wishing you all the best.

D


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Hi Everyone,

It has been a while, I will need to catch up on situations here.

Well, let’s see, I last posted after Thanksgiving. I reread my post and it is interesting to see my frame of mind back then to now. I honesty think I am running down the clock.

H is still here. He lives in the other bedroom. Sometimes I see him, mostly I do not. In the last few months, his job location is now about a 35-45 minute drive one way. So many days, I go to work and come home and make dinner and clean up the kitchen before he walks in. When he does walk in, he may or may not say hi and then hole up in the bedroom.

His behavior does not make me as sad as before. I have had lots of therapy and I know that I will be ok on my own if that is what ends up happening. If there is OW, I can’t find obvious evidence like I did with the other two. So I do not know what he is doing, and honestly, I just take care of me.Do I want a divorce? No. But, I have slowly come to the realization, that there would need to be so much for a R to happen, I just don’t see how.

An interesting development for me at work, i work for a married couple. They’ve been married appx 30 years. Earlier this year, the husband came into the office (after I had left) and told the wife he was in love with someone and did not want to be married anymore. He told her the gambit of all of the things we can hear with a BD. It was completely out of left field. It affected her horribly. She has always been a little standoffish, but she also is my boss, so part of that may be her authority. I like my job nice enough and I felt bad that this happened. I have still to this day, not told either one of them about my own going now over three years situation. I didn’t because I know if I was having an off day, (before their BD) she would more than likely blame my home life and me being distracted.

After seeing how she was after BD and comparing to how I worked through so much without them knowing, I am Wonder Woman. Any way, the husband called me and talked to me about what happened, and told me he knew it was wrong. I appreciated his candor. I have worked for him long enough to tell him, what he did was wrong, but we need to get through this. I then did not see him in the office, (construction firm) for a few months while he worked away so I could work when the wife was there. during this time, she opened up, cried, and displayed a lot of anguish. I have helped her regain her strength, and listened when i could. She started to become a friend. She began telling me of how he was so rude to her. I believed it. This was my friend. She was wronged. Then as their divorce progressed, ( she immediately filed a week after BD) he needed to work at the office with me on finances. We have discovered over $250K she has taken from the business. She is extremely crafty on what she is doing. They have hired a forensic accountant for the business and now personal finances are being brought in and she is spiraling. I was threatened by her that “ you do not want to get involved, it will be messy”. She has expressed that I have betrayed her because I have worked at the office with him. So I have requested to not work with her anymore. In the last few weeks of trying to be neutral and realize that this situation is horrible for all involved, she has really made it hard to be compassionate. He has not touched one penny, he takes a paycheck and is paying his bills with it. She is taking her paychecks and is still trying to funnel so much through the business, plus the moving around of funds.

I will say, H being a ghost in the house is wayyy better than this strife. It has been three years of limbo and I do not think I felt so anxious then when I have to go to work. For anyone asking why I am still there, I am looking for other employment!

Anyway, that is my update, H is still here, so am I and I am working on a plan for me just in case.

PLC

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