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Merry Christmas Eagle

All the best in the new year.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

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Eagle3 Offline OP
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Good afternoon,

Hope you all had a nice Christmas surrounded by the people you love! smile

I just had a very lazy morning, on the couch, with a good movie. At least G was there again.
(last days XH was present)

LH, thank you for sharing your opinion. On your part, I understand why you don't believe in MLC and I fully understand that. I would have had exactly the same reaction in the past, partly because I am a very realistic person. But after what I have experienced in the last 5 years, the many articles I have read about this, consulting different psychologists, I can only conclude that I believe 100% in MLC.

You are correct to say that I can’t do anything to stop him from taking this journey. This is something he, and he alone, must get through.

I only decided to reach out my hand at a time when it went completely wrong for him. I do not agree with the fact that he is cake-eating. I decided to be there for him and I agreed with everything that has happened between us lately.

He destroyed his family at some point, that's true, and he only owes it to himself, he has to live with that, who am I to make him feel that pain and struggle even more, what kind of person would I be if this would make me feel better. I’m sorry, I really can’t do this.

But again, I fully understand your reaction, it's just something I don't stand for. It makes me stronger to deal with it the way I do today.

DnJ, thank you for your unlimited support, and Kml, thanks again for your honest advice.

Both of you are certainly not wrong. This has already become clear in recent weeks.

Obviously I didn't have S with him before seeing his test results. He had a blood test done about 2 months ago when he was in the country, and then asked the doctor to check for STDS as well. Apparently he was already afraid of this as he has shared the bed with more than 2 OWs in the last 3 years. He has told me everything the past weeks.

G struggles a lot with himself. Realizing how much he has destroyed, he lately retreats to XH again.

Before last week G was talking about getting admitted for his addictions, last week he wanted to try and solve it on his own again.

Drinking has increased enormously in the last week, his addictions are coming up one by one in full force. As I said there is a realization that he has an alcohol problem, an anger problem and severe separation anxiety, but now it has also become clear in recent days that he has developed a sex addiction as well, and I'm convinced he wasn't aware of that until I told him.
Where the intimacy between us at first was loving and tender, in recent days this turned more and more into a lust that I have never seen within him. He simply could not stop anymore so I had to end this at once as it is impossible for me to go along with this.

At one point it was so bad that several days ago I told him the truth about his addictions (also the S addiction) and that I decided to take a step back and just want to build a friendship with him for the time being. He has a very hard time with this and has been his 16-year-old self again.

However, I stand by my decision. I don’t put pressure in any way, I only set clear boundaries again. There are limits he must respect (for my well-being) and he must grow up now.

He has been realizing so much the past two months that I truly believe there is no way back for him. It is up to him now to face his demons and to move forward, if not, it will up to him but I don’t stand for the addicted person. With this person I do not want to reconcile.

This morning G was there again. I’m convinced he needed a few days to process.

I guess G and XH will be active again in the coming days.

Have to go now, up to my parents for a Christmas meal. They invited G as well.

Good day to all of you!


Me (44) H (42)
M:15 T:19, S17, S14 & S14
04/19 - 02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20 - 11/21 OW2
10/21-01/22 Short awakening
02/22 Back in Lalaland - OW2 exposed
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Good Morning Eagle

Originally Posted by Eagle3
G struggles a lot with himself. Realizing how much he has destroyed, he lately retreats to XH again.

He will cycle as he searches and progresses towards healed. This is a good thing. Remember back when he didn’t vacillate? When he was absolutely sure of his view of the world and the assuredness of his actions? He is questioning his own self. He is rewriting/restoring/returning to truth, his rewritten narrative.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Before last week G was talking about getting admitted for his addictions, last week he wanted to try and solve it on his own again.

Interestingly, with or without professional help, G is the only one who can solve it.

If you were wanting to encourage G, I’d gently shift his mind from “try” to “can”. Instead of G trying, G is doing. Try vs can. Mindset is everything. And positive encouragement and reinforcement is very powerful.

Enjoy the meal with your parents. Glad you are doing well.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
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Eagle3 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by DnJ
He will cycle as he searches and progresses towards healed. This is a good thing. Remember back when he didn’t vacillate? When he was absolutely sure of his view of the world and the assuredness of his actions? He is questioning his own self. He is rewriting/restoring/returning to truth, his rewritten narrative.D

Yesterday G came into my bedroom again. He wanted to talk.
He thought the dynamics between us had faded the last days and thought it was because of my expectations.
I told him that this was not the case at all but that I wanted to put some limits on our intimacy as agreed a few days ago. Why? From my side the intimacy is from a loving spectrum but it is purely physical from his side. (he confirmed this twice already)
He thought that I could see this from a physical side as well.
I said I'm not like that, not with you.

He then told me things that made sense and also didn't make any sense, such as the fact that he is again thinking about seeking help for his addictions and problems, about the fact that he loves me but that we have to let go of each other, that he can never love me the same way he used to.
That I have to let a new man into my life. That he is currently limbo and that I am now putting my life on hold for him and that's not what he wants for me.

A little later he said that he feels that he is growing back more towards the children but also towards me and that this is very confusing. He didn't think this would happen.

Furthermore, that he can not/will not be able to buy the house. He does not want to do this for me or the children because this is the house where all the sh*t happened and therefore would be better to sell.

He then initiated to be intimate again but I kindly refused and said it would be better to have a good sleep now and we would see what happens in the coming days.

As you can read 3 different views on things in a conversation of 15 minutes!

He also wants to completely change tack, done with being the big man with the big car and the big money, which makes him look better than he actually is. He is done with that because it only made him less happy.

I listen but he constantly asks for my opinion and then it is difficult to give the right answers because he is still very sensitive and fragile in certain areas.

What is f.e. a good answer when he tells me to move on with my life. Do I say, you are right and I am also looking for a new place to live in as we agreed, or do I say that I still stand for us, that I still love him but can continue without him perfectly?

Definitely not an easy track at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I'm seeing so much progress within him which is good but he still keeps pushing me away and yet is coming closer in so many ways. This makes it extremely confusing.


Me (44) H (42)
M:15 T:19, S17, S14 & S14
04/19 - 02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20 - 11/21 OW2
10/21-01/22 Short awakening
02/22 Back in Lalaland - OW2 exposed
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Good Morning Eagle

You can clearly see the battle within G. His polar views expressed as confusion and contradictory thoughts. Each of those views is valid and true - during the moments he is feeling it. Which would you choose to reinforce? To gently guide? To encourage?

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Do I say, you are right and I am also looking for a new place to live in as we agreed, or do I say that I still stand for us, that I still love him but can continue without him perfectly?

I’d be still. No decisions need be made right now. Be patient.

Let your actions demonstrate your answer.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Definitely not an easy track at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I'm seeing so much progress within him which is good but he still keeps pushing me away and yet is coming closer in so many ways. This makes it extremely confusing.

G is making progress. He pushes and pulls as he keeps progressing.

So what to say and do? A few suggestions (in no particular order smile ):

Originally Posted by Eagle3
I wanted to put some limits on our intimacy as agreed a few days ago. Why? From my side the intimacy is from a loving spectrum but it is purely physical from his side. (he confirmed this twice already)
He thought that I could see this from a physical side as well.
I said I'm not like that, not with you.

His confirmation of intimacy being purely physical - believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. G is confused! You said so yourself. You see it. Why would you think, and worse believe, that he has this part all figured out.

G is crafting beliefs, values, and convictions. He is strengthen some and discarding others. Just like what I encourage folks around here to realize and do. Thing is, G doesn’t realize the organizing he is doing. The incredible opportunity he is currently within. Thoughts and feelings reinforce or tear down beliefs. You are gently encouraging and guiding G towards positive aspects and values.

Along with intellect and emotion, physical action or lack thereof, holds power of influence upon one’s convictions. G’s wanting to be intimate is an expression of his desire. It is not all physical. And he is choosing you.

Now, I do not mean you should pump yourself out and have sex with him just because. However, you have already crossed that bridge - that “physical” bridge. If you enjoy it, do it. The positive reinforcement will serve both you and G. Do realize you are correct, G is more looking at this from the physical point of view. And your expectations and hoping for a more loving view, is causing you resentment. (Not a good or bad thing. Just pointing it out. And with knowledge comes power and choice.)

All reinforcements - physical, intellectual, emotional - all craft/strengthen one’s beliefs. This is what an awakening is. Awakening to one’s self. To one’s values. Then course correcting, and becoming better.

And by the way, sex will start out mostly physical, and then grows to emotional love making. G is at the start of that path. You are not.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
He then told me things that made sense and also didn't make any sense, such as the fact that he is again thinking about seeking help for his addictions and problems,

You: I think that’s an excellent idea G.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
about the fact that he loves me but that we have to let go of each other,

You: Yes, we were a bit too codependent.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
that he can never love me the same way he used to.

You: I’m sorry you feel this way. Realize you can love me a different way, maybe even a better way. What has happened cannot be undone. However, it can be built upon. You and I have grown and our relationship could grow and be better as well.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
That I have to let a new man into my life. That he is currently limbo and that I am now putting my life on hold for him and that's not what he wants for me.

You: I am willing to let a new man into my life. Presently, that “new” man is you - the new and improved you.

Remember, G will project much of his emotional self upon you. G, like all of us, sees the world through his lens. And people, usually default that others feel/think similar as them. His words give clues as to where he is at.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
A little later he said that he feels that he is growing back more towards the children but also towards me and that this is very confusing. He didn't think this would happen.

Another sharing of G’s inner most feelings. Sharing one’s confusion requires a level of trust. G trusts you. Do not think otherwise.

This view is a surprise to G. A welcomed one. A view he secretly hoped he could feel again. His timid steps towards it show both his understanding of the monumental task before him and how fleeting this all could be.

His telling you he didn’t think this would happen, is begging for assurance it is happening. Assure him. Reinforce this positive growth and behaviour.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Furthermore, that he can not/will not be able to buy the house. He does not want to do this for me or the children because this is the house where all the sh*t happened and therefore would be better to sell.

I figured this shoe would drop eventually.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
He then initiated to be intimate again but I kindly refused and said it would be better to have a good sleep now and we would see what happens in the coming days.

See how after G opened up to you; let out, and let go his confused viewpoints; G felt closer to you.

That scared timid squirrel is right there.

My dear friend, you now are gaining all the power. The MLCer first starts with all the power and all the decisions. A unilateral and unwanted decision is thrust upon the LBS. For those lucky few LBS, their MLCer awakens. For even fewer, their MLCer returns. And for fewer still,…, well that is where you find yourself.

You have done your inner work. You have forgiveness. And strength. And conviction, faith, hope, compassion, and such. And you have power and choice. G is slowly placing himself in your hands. He is starting to feel safe and secure enough to let you in. To let himself in.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Definitely not an easy track at the moment.

Agreed. Not an easy track for the moment.

Most times the best rewards require the best of efforts and risks.

You are one of the select rare few that has such an opportunity. You are most capable of exploring this avenue. You still have the gift of time. Patience and calm are allowing progress.

I know you are standing, dig deep Eagle.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
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Good Morning Eagle

How are you doing?

How is 2022 so far?

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
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Good afternoon everyone,
Good afternoon DnJ,

Very kind of you to ask for an update. I haven't posted anything for a while, for various reasons. (busy at work, holidays, children have been home a lot and G who demands a lot of my free time)

It has now been 3 weeks since my last report and there are certain things that are now very noticeable. This is primarily due to a change in G's behavior, but of course also a great deal due to the fact that I have gained the upper hand in the whole process.

Your thread of the 13th of January in "A great Life," in other words your response to LH, is actually a perfect expression of how I feel about the whole situation today and how I'm dealing with it.

I'm doing really well. I have found a certain dynamic with G the last few weeks that I can relate to perfectly. We are building a friendship again and we do a lot of things together. For example, we go for a weekly walk and we have found a favorite cafe where we go afterwards to talk (sometimes 2 to 3 hours). We play a lot of cards, do sports or go shopping together, watch movies and series, make dinner together, etc. Sometimes that involves a bit more as already mentioned in the past, but this doesn't happen often. For both this is sufficient, this does not have to be for me today. I myself have found that I am not ready for that either, even if he wanted to, which is also not the case.

The processing of his MLC is very clear:

•He has bought books in which traumas from his childhood are central. For example, there is one book he is reading at the moment of which he says “that’s me on a T”. In this book he learns tips and tricks on how to deal and process his trauma’s. He even need to keep a diary and is obviously very protective of that. He has days when he reads a lot and is fully engaged in it, other days he spends a whole day in his couch, watching the same movies over and over, processing.
For example, last week he got up and said that for the first time in his life he had dreamed about his mother. That it dawned on him that on regular times, when f.e. his M and Stepfather had an argument, she gave the family the silent treatment for a whole week and that the tension was palpable and how he had suffered because of it. He had forgotten all this but this suddenly surfaced in his dream. He links all his problems more and more to his M.

•He also cut off all individual communication with her. Today he does not want any contact. He wants ‘to make her feel it'.

•He is going on a trip to the snow for a week with his old best friend (BF’s before MLC) soon.

•He goes for a weekly walk with his father. This contact was completely broken for the last 2.5 years and is in reparation modus, slow but steady.

I’m convinced he is in the last 3 phases currently, that is very clear now. You see a lot of depression in him, at times very withdrawn, then his alter egos are active from his past, but at many times simply the combination of the old and the new H.

That is why I like to put it this way.

- You have G, which is a combination of the old H and new H

- You have MLC H, his 5 year old, 17 year old or 40 year old him

However, you can see the phases in both personalities. And yes, the temptation is huge to stay comfortably in his fog, that much is clear. That is why the steps he is taking are going very, very slow.

Drinking is reduced but still absolutely present and necessary in his opinion. Since he sleeps very badly, he now sometimes takes a sleeping pill.

When MLC H comes up you can see that there is a strong awareness, he knows it, especially if you point out that he is going back. That's why I sometimes make fun of this and compare him to a character from a series which is now very popular on Netflix, named After Life with Ricky Gervais. If you can watch it, definitely do so. Then I playfully tell him “Tony (= the main character) is back”. Then he starts laughing. (these are things I could never do in the past years)

Now the main thing I have learnt as an LBS is that you have to stay calm under all circumstances and just have to give them time. This helps enormously and works for me 99% of the time.

I am not saying that it is always easy and that is why I also want to give an example so that it is somewhat understandable:

We were away for a walk recently, just had some drinks in our favorite cafe and I said something about his behavior in a certain situation. He said casually, ‘OW2 always said this as well that I did this’. Normally this doesn't bother me much, and I just let this pass but this time it had touched me a bit (I guess the few wines I had were working on my feelings 😊) and there was a certain disappointment in my voice when I responded. Wow, his reaction…this is then paradise for him when he is MLC H at that moment, and therefore a reason to start an argument. I would almost dare to say that he sometimes provokes it. According to him, this indicated that I still had much difficulties with the situation, then came up with the argument that he could no longer live under one roof with me because of my "expectations", while I had not said anything at all, only the disappointment that was somewhat audible. Back at home he started again and I firmly said that if he wanted to go, there is the door, and that I wouldn’t stop him from leaving, but also that I no longer wanted to have those relationship conversations with him. He immediately backed off, stopped the argument and agreed with me on the whole level.

As for GAL, I meeting my good (male) friend this Saturday for shopping and dinner. I know this friend from my childhood. We had lost touch with each other but have been in regular contact since last year. Nothing could ever grow out of our relationship, it is purely friendship, nothing more. G is aware of this and pretends to understand, but can't help asking questions about it regularly. He also always says that this friend probably expects more than friendship. I don’t really give him a lot of response on that.

Wow, longer thread than I expected...

Sorry if it's a bit boring but wanted to give as much information as possible.

Love to all!!

Eagle


Me (44) H (42)
M:15 T:19, S17, S14 & S14
04/19 - 02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20 - 11/21 OW2
10/21-01/22 Short awakening
02/22 Back in Lalaland - OW2 exposed
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Hello Eagle

I am glad to hear you and G are doing well. Busy. Yet well. smile

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Your thread of the 13th of January in "A great Life," in other words your response to LH, is actually a perfect expression of how I feel about the whole situation today and how I'm dealing with it.

Yay!

Originally Posted by Eagle3
It has now been 3 weeks since my last report and there are certain things that are now very noticeable. This is primarily due to a change in G's behavior, but of course also a great deal due to the fact that I have gained the upper hand in the whole process.

Yes, there comes a time when the power shifts back to the LBS. When the LBS gains the upper hand. Until now, it’s all been the MLCer and their reckless running that has held most of the power. Of course, that is somewhat an illusion. We only control ourselves.

Still, you do have the upper hand. Use that power wisely and very seldom. Equal and partnership is the goal. It’s a hard earned path for the LBS. And a journey of restraint shows much wisdom.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
I'm doing really well. I have found a certain dynamic with G the last few weeks that I can relate to perfectly. We are building a friendship again and we do a lot of things together. For example, we go for a weekly walk and we have found a favorite cafe where we go afterwards to talk (sometimes 2 to 3 hours). We play a lot of cards, do sports or go shopping together, watch movies and series, make dinner together, etc.

That is wonderful!

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Sometimes that involves a bit more as already mentioned in the past, but this doesn't happen often. For both this is sufficient, this does not have to be for me today. I myself have found that I am not ready for that either, even if he wanted to, which is also not the case.

Go nice and slow my dear friend. You are doing fine. Great actually.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
I’m convinced he is in the last 3 phases currently, that is very clear now. You see a lot of depression in him, at times very withdrawn, then his alter egos are active from his past, but at many times simply the combination of the old and the new H.

That is why I like to put it this way.

- You have G, which is a combination of the old H and new H

- You have MLC H, his 5 year old, 17 year old or 40 year old him

However, you can see the phases in both personalities. And yes, the temptation is huge to stay comfortably in his fog, that much is clear. That is why the steps he is taking are going very, very slow.

I agree, G is within the last three stages.

You have a very good understanding of the crisis and G’s alter egos.

Let him lead his pace. The fog is clearing, no doubt about that.

And slow is the speed you are looking for. Nice and slow allows G to reflect, learn, grow, and not gloss over or skip something and then have to repeat it.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
When MLC H comes up you can see that there is a strong awareness, he knows it, especially if you point out that he is going back.

That is a huge step of positive progress. Self awareness. Awareness of self. Incredible.

Just think and remember when H was quite incapable of such. I love seeing the healing that can happen. So blessed G is. And you my dear. (((Hug)))

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Now the main thing I have learnt as an LBS is that you have to stay calm under all circumstances and just have to give them time. This helps enormously and works for me 99% of the time.

AMEN!

That is some might fine hard earned wisdom right there! Hey, any you newbies reading along listen up to what Eagle is telling you. She’s walked the walk. She’s the real deal!

Absolutely, the MLCer is on their journey. We cannot speed it up.

Time.

It takes time.

You used and are still using your gift of time very well Eagle. I’m proud of you.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
We were away for a walk recently, just had some drinks in our favorite cafe and I said something about his behavior in a certain situation. He said casually, ‘OW2 always said this as well that I did this’. Normally this doesn't bother me much, and I just let this pass but this time it had touched me a bit (I guess the few wines I had were working on my feelings 😊) and there was a certain disappointment in my voice when I responded.

Wine and exploring feelings. You did very well to just have some disappointment in your voice, and not rip off his arm and beat him over the head with it. smile

Take it from me, guys lots of times just blurt stuff out. We are kind of dumb that way, or maybe it’s just being too straightforward. However, that level of blurting out requires an assurance of safety. A feeling of being safe enough to say such a stupid remark. Lol.

Of course MLCer H, one of G’s still being resolved alter egos, lashed out. Pure projection of feelings that he has towards his Mother and her treatment of him from long ago.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
I firmly said that if he wanted to go, there is the door, and that I wouldn’t stop him from leaving, but also that I no longer wanted to have those relationship conversations with him. He immediately backed off, stopped the argument and agreed with me on the whole level.

Well done.

You can place a boundary on such argumentative talk from G, well MLCer H actually.

G knows and is aware enough to realize he crossed the line. Yet another good positive sign.

By the way, G is going to test those boundaries and your acceptance of him. And what he did. Even if his testing is mostly unrealized by him. He still needs the answer.

And what is the answer? Actually, it’s what is the question; which he is (unknowingly) asking himself? Does Eagle forgive me? Can she? Will she accept me, and what I’ve done? Then maybe I can therefore forgive and accept myself too.

It’s part of the process of healing. And piecing. And reconciling.

G is looking and listening. Be a stanchion, and a beacon.

Originally Posted by Eagle3
Sorry if it's a bit boring but wanted to give as much information as possible.

Goodness no, it’s not boring. It’s rather exciting.

Have a great day.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
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Good morning,
Unfortunately I have to conclude that MLC H has completely taken the upper hand again these past days.

This week I noticed another change in his behavior. Much more depressed, much less actions to work on himself, very selfish. And that after 7 weeks of very slow, but steady improvement.

Friday we went for a long walk as usual and afterwards we had a drink. On the way back, MLC H started talking about OW2 again. That he misses her. That he would never go back to that country to live there as he hates it but that he had a good relationship with her and that he wants her back.
One problem, she lives there, he lives here, and he doesn't know if she still would have him, not after the way he treated her. The strange thing is that I’ve heard exact the same story with OW1 2 years ago. Now he says that the relationship with OW1 was very toxic, and that this is not to compare with the R he had with OW2.

I reacted firmly to this that if he wants to be with OW2 then he has to go and can no longer live under the same roof with me. Obviously controlling MLC H came up immediately. All I think about is myself and I've had him come back to the house just to frame him because I want him back. I couldn't stay calm at that moment and started shouting that I'm tired of him projecting everything onto me. That I'm there because he was completely lost and that I only wanted to be there for him.

The consequences, of course, were not to be foreseen. MLC H went completely over the top once back at home.

This lasted all evening, the children were also heavily involved in this. The psychological humiliation towards me was out of proportion. In fact, for the first time in my life, I wasn't comfortable with him. He's never been so out of his mind before. The next morning the same. He didn't stop, and I asked him to leave immediately.

Of course even more accusations that this was also his house and that I had no right to evict him. He left with a lot of show. Not even fifteen minutes later a phone call. When I didn't answer an immediate message asking if I could please pick up my phone, because he wanted to apologize. I eventually did this and in the afternoon agreed to talk to him.

I told him that the situation cannot continue like this, not with the children who are too much involved. He confirmed this but also said that he wanted to continue living in the house for the time being, since he has nowhere else to go but that we could start selling the house otherwise.

You know that I made a list of conditions for his return home 7 weeks ago. One was that as from then on he always had to be honest with me, no more lies and he said that this was the reason why he had said that about OW2, but that he did not understand that I reacted this way, that this was a sign of expectations and that he'd been clear about that that he couldn't give this to me, and that's why he's completely lost himself again. That he projects everything he feels himself onto me, and that he throws out the ugliest things, that this is stronger than himself.

I had then agreed with him that the children would go to his father that day, so that everyone could get some space, I myself also went away with a good friend, he could then go back home, calm down and be alone. The next day we were able to continue in peace then.

When I came home in the evening, MLC H was already in his bed. When I was just in it myself, he struck again with all its violence. 1 obvious, but unspoken reason: Me having fun with a male friend, he sitting there alone at home. I should have known. He brought it up several times the day before, with the children present. However, the kids know this person and know that this is purely a friend and no more. S14 even said dad is jealous because you go out with a male friend, don't give in and go have fun. You do enough for him.

I just kept quiet, stayed in my bed and didn't elaborate on it.
He finally, after coming into my room 4 times to scold me, gave up.

The next day again apologies and regret for what he has done.

This really does feel like a split personality, like Jekyll & Hyde, I can't put it any other way. The worst part is that he had those dark eyes again when he went on like this. The last few weeks he really had his own color again, but this weekend they were really completely dark again. Extremely freaky.

The rest of the day was normal yesterday. MLC H is gaining the upper hand at the moment and I'm not comfortable with it. Only yesterday evening G was there again. We were sitting in the couch and he saw I was exhausted. He came to me, apologized again and gave me a massage, I did the same afterwards, he fell asleep and I left him and went to bed.

It's times like this that I have a really hard time going through with this. Not for myself, but for the kids. They see and experience things that they should never experience at that age. My guilt begins to mount. What if they later blame me for letting their father go too far?

I would be better off starting the sale of the house. What if the situation doesn't improve, then I can leave immediately once I've collected half the money.


Me (44) H (42)
M:15 T:19, S17, S14 & S14
04/19 - 02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20 - 11/21 OW2
10/21-01/22 Short awakening
02/22 Back in Lalaland - OW2 exposed
I let go
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,022
Likes: 116
L
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L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,022
Likes: 116
There is so much pain and suffering on this forum because both the WS and the LBS are living in fantasy lands. This goes on for years and years. Unfortunately the children suffer as well. Eagle only you can decide when enough is enough.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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