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Steve_ Offline OP
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Yep I know Im not getting it 100% right,

It is difficult to put the EW and her OM out of my mind when they moved into the same damn apartment complex as I live and sit on the patio and watch me take my kids to school in the mornings. And since EW started going to my church. Its 100% like she wants to control my life, keep her hooks in everything I do. This is why I call her a psychopath. Why file a D run off and then be pissed that Im moving on with my life and threaten me? you would think the logical person wouldnt care what Im doing since they wanted to leave and get a D. That is what leads me to believe she never thought she would have to deal with the actual consequences of her choice to go. That steve would sit there and take care of her and be there. No, I wont. She will continue to destroy everything and everyone around her becuase she has no empathy or remorse. Im sorry but I refuse to comply with this all for the sake of being a "good father." The court isnt gonna give me full custody but I plan on filing for it as soon as the D is finalized. I wont get it, I know, the CA courts are garbage in this kind of thing but at least I will try. And I am leaving and moving on. I have lost concern for what happens to EW. If I am lucky her and OM will ride off into the sunset and leave me alone. But I doubt it.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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I called the L office today to make sure the D is progessing as it is supposed to be, if there is anything else needed. The secretary told me no, that it is all good and they are just processing slowly because of covid. (I expected that). When I move I plan on finding a job and getting stabilized, enduring the waves of BS she is gonna throw, seeing my kids when possible. (Like I said her threats wont mean jack, cause she wants to go out and party all the time and constantly asks me to take the kids.) It will be a short time before her taking these kids "full time" gets old and she needs me to help with them. I know it. I just have to keep my head down and be prepared for it. To me it just didnt make much sense to stop me from moving on or try to. I thought she wanted a damn divorce... I stopped fighting it in feburary and even paid for the rest and now... now she wants to act up. She said "nobody ever gonna watch my kids besides thier mom, they will never have a step-mom, I wont allow it and I will make sure they never leave here and ruin your life until she leaves you". So yeah that is why I call her a psycho and my kids hear this stuff and thats why they agree. I just have to keep on keeping on.

I thank god that I made it out of this M and I thank you guys as well. No telling how much worse it could have gone had I not came to these boards.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Wait.

You are moving away and leaving the kids with her full time ? !

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Steve_ Offline OP
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Oh no absolutely not, I will still have them my weekends unless she stops me. In the D papers i get them Saturday-Tuesday, so unless she forces me to change that I wont be. I will have to drive farther to pick them up but thats on me and Im okay with that.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,752
Likes: 16
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Originally Posted by Steve_
I refuse to comply with this all for the sake of being a "good father."

Steve_, I may be misreading, but it sounds like your moving would involve giving up custody time and/or subjecting the kids to lots of driving so you can be with this girlfriend.

Originally Posted by Steve_
It will be a short time before her taking these kids "full time" gets old and she needs me to help with them.
Originally Posted by Ginger
You are moving away and leaving the kids with her full time ? !
Originally Posted by Steve_
I will still have them my weekends unless she stops me. In the D papers i get them Saturday-Tuesday, so unless she forces me to change that I wont be. I will still have them my weekends unless she stops me. In the D papers i get them Saturday-Tuesday, so unless she forces me to change that I wont be.

1. If you move, are you giving up Sunday to Tuesday? If no, how will the kids get to school and back? If yes, are you really giving up half your custody with your kids to be with your girlfriend?
2. If you move, how much weekly driving are you subjecting your kids to?
3. If you move and she files a motion to prevent the kids from moving, are you going to return to be with them, or abandon the remainder of your custody time to live with your girlfriend?



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Steve_ Offline OP
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I won’t give up custody. It will Just be a longer drive. For now at least. Once I find my employment and relocate I plan on suing for full custody and custodial rights. I will ask the court for no support from her and offer her custody of the children on any weekend she wants. I plan on submitting a list of days I had them, all the support payments I made which I was not required and am still not by court to make. A solid employment with medical and dental benefits for the children and a improved school district (the one they are in is bad). I will also submit in the 4 times she has moved in and out with OM, her threats to put my son on medication on December 19th because he didn’t get along with OM kids. Not to mention OM she’s with lost his kids due to a domestic violence charge a couple months ago and I’m sure that won’t help her cause. I also plan on showing a list of truancy where the entire last 5 months of school the past year the children missed 80% of class on her days. I will get letters from teachers, other parents, family members and friends if need be.

But I feel like it will not come to that. To be frank her only reason for remaining in this town at the moment is that her parents support the kids they live with the parents still. She has not moved them in with OM because the children hate him and because their relationship is unstable, so she spends some of the nights over at her moms with them. But her parents are moving out of state soon. So her support will be gone. She will have no choice but to go to her support system where I am moving (45) minutes from me or she will have to stay and move kids in with her and OM. It will be a disaster and while she tries to deny me rights to be vindictive I will Continue to note it, track it, record it and push for full custody until I get it. Her descision making is clearly impaired when it comes to the welfare of the children. And eventually after petitioning enough I should get it.

I will not stay here in town for the sake of her comfort to use me to continue on her R with OM. She’s made it clear he is temporary for the money he provides, but is already and has been looking elsewhere for other OMS where I am going. The best thing I can do is continue to push and push for full custody and record all the crazy stuff she does. Eventually I will get it or the kids will rebel against her so badly she will have no choice but to work with me. They do not like what she is doing, they do not like how she acts it’s a matter of time. I am 100% sure once her parents move (less than a year or so) she will be begging for my help to relocate closer to me for support. She does not like having these kids with her even 4 days a week . She doesn’t like how they behave toward her when she is with OM and his kids. All I need to do is brace the storm continue to petition the court and I will come out on top. It’s a matter of time.

All of her threats are empty, she is only doing this to try to control me and prevent me from moving on. And it won’t work

Last edited by Steve_; 09/13/21 09:44 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Sep 2019
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Wait. I read all of that and I still don't understand why you are moving to LA. Except to escape her? Can't you find another apartment that isn't next door to her? When they're with you can they still go to their same school? They'll have to be in the car for 1.5 plus additional hours per day? I'm super confused.

You have said over and over that she's unreliable and barely watches them when she has them. For the life of me I'm completely failing to understand why you would move to another city then and be that much farther away from them if they need you, and think that is going to help you get full custody. I think you are actually putting yourself at risk by moving, increasing their instability, and demonstrating that you aren't putting them first. What happens when the school calls because someone fell and broke their arm and your ExW isn't answering? You're 45 minutes away (and with LA traffic, 45 minutes is like the time it will take to get from one neighborhood to the other) -- I'm guessing that during some times of the day you might be literally hours from your kids-- how are you going to pick them up and make sure they're okay? The idea of moving to another CITY from your own children just seems impossible to understand. I know I'm not you. But this is really difficult for me to wrap my head around.

Also, children your kids' age are not capable of determining if someone is "psycho" or not, no matter what they hear. This:
Quote
So yeah that is why I call her a psycho and my kids hear this stuff and thats why they agree.
is not okay. Sounds like parental alienation. Which is not good for them, nor will it help you in custody proceedings.

Again-- and sorry if this seems harsh-- but it seems like you're putting your drama and relationship with your ExW, as well as your relationship with your new GF, over your children's well-being.


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
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Steve_,

Great update in terms of getting active in church and Sunday school, better job and hourly pay, working out, and recognizing the toxic nature of your ex / not blindly accepting her back.

I agree it's creepy she moved into your apartment complex and started up at your church.

However...I share others' concerns with your 5 and 7 year old children being dragged into a battle over which parent is "pyscho" or "toxic". Young kids (or any age really) shouldn't be torn up like that. I also share the concern about moving 45 mins away (with the potential for some serious traffic making it longer?). Not sure how a court is going to look at you leaving their town, nor does it sound like it's in the best interest of the children. You can't get a job with benefits and find a better school district closer? Are you moving to LA for them, or to be with your new GF? Because it sounds like the latter.

Originally Posted by Steve_
She will have no choice but to go to her support system where I am moving (45) minutes from me or she will have to stay and move kids in with her and OM. It will be a disaster and while she tries to deny me rights to be vindictive I will Continue to note it, track it, record it and push for full custody until I get it.

Originally Posted by Steve_
Eventually I will get it or the kids will rebel against her so badly she will have no choice but to work with me. They do not like what she is doing, they do not like how she acts it’s a matter of time. I am 100% sure once her parents move (less than a year or so) she will be begging for my help to relocate closer to me for support.
These quotes are cringeworthy to me. It sounds like you're relishing in her demise and plotting to get the kids to turn on her. It sounds controlling & vindictive towards her, and manipulative with the kids.

Don't get me wrong, I've had thoughts of karma to my own ExW, Ex-MIL, and OM2, but this makes it seem like you're taking action "break" her and plotting to turn the children against her. That doesn't sound like the best thing for them.

When I'm upset/angry and trying to decide how to respond or react, and I ask my family for advice, they always (rightfully) come back to me with "What's best for the children?"...regardless of my emotions. Put your children in front of your own thoughts and needs.

If your Ex is really living with someone who has domestic violence charges, withholding the children's medicine, and not taking them to school...those are LEGITIMATE concerns to raise with your L and in court! I don't understand why that would wait until after the D though. Custody is absolutely a main part of the D negotiations / process / court rulings...shouldn't you be raising those right now???

Last edited by BL42; 09/14/21 02:02 AM.

Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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The point I make is this:

Her and I agreed on moving to LA. That puts us 4 hours closer to both sets of grandparents, this her and I agreed on. I moved forward with those plans. Now as of last week her and OM are back together a 20th time and shes threatening to take my custody away and etc etc if I move. She depends on her parents to care for the kids while she galivants around with her OM. She gives zero F's about these kids or anyone else for that matter. I am not trying to alienate a parent, the children literally have eyewitnesses what she does for the last year. They see her coming home with $2000 backpacks, and $700 shoes and leaving them with their grandparents constantly. Yet asking me for money and threatening anyone who tells her anything.

If I stay in this city she wins, her parents leave, I stay here stuck where she gets to control me, the kids lives and do as she pleases, until the next time her and OM break up and she wants to go to LA again....She will continue to attempt to manipulate and play and ruin any R I ever end up in. This is who she is its what she does. There is 0% chance of her staying with OM and staying in this city once all the family is gone. Me moving closer to both grandparents and finding better work with benefits is something I want to do. Yes my GF lives around LA where her and I planned to go, the EW has support system there as well of childhood friends. If I stay she has me to do things for the kids and take that off her hands. If I leave she has nothing and will end up having to relocate closer to me, her parents, my parents, her support system. Staying here I will throw my life in the trash so she can play rich girl, leaving will cost me financially and will cost me time with my kids, but that wont last long believe that. The threats she makes come from a lack of being able to control me. My kids want to spend time with me and they love me, a court is not going to deny me the ability to see my children, and at the end of the day she walked out and filed a divorce. I dont feel the need to stay in this town when none of my family or even her family will be here just so she can be happy with OM. Nope, no thanks. Im not doing that for the rest of my life.

Last edited by Steve_; 09/14/21 02:07 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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At some point I have to say enough is enough man, she is 10000% using the kids to manipulate and control. She knows damn good and well whats best for them is not her lifestyle. And lets say she does somehow gain custody of them. It wont last long because she absolutely hates parenting. If I continue to fold to her threats, her desires and etc I will have a lifetime of pain and regret ahead of me.

I am writing in a bit of angry emotion, yes the situation with the kids is not that extreme where they call their own mom a psycho and I wouldnt want that, but they do see what she does and how she uses people. I will not comply or bow down to her staying here for OM just cause she possesses female sex organs and courts side with her. I have my life to consider as well, and when the entire rest of this family moves away and I have none here already staying for her to be in a toxic relationship with OM to enable that to continue by supporting it is not what is best for my kids. To move, get stable and continue to fight for them is.

I will fight until I gain custody of my kids or at least a fair deal. I will not be controlled by her and her desires to control my life. Sorry if that is against the advice here but I have to not hate every single day of the rest of my life either.

Last edited by Steve_; 09/14/21 02:15 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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