She's a very smart and practical person and I can almost hear the wheels turning when she was talking about the fact that when her divorce settlement is finally figured out that she'll have to sell the house.
Please tell me you don’t think she was thinking she could rope you in and move in with you???
No rescuing! If she sells her house, she moves into whatever condo or apartment she can afford.
And don’t blow past her comment about the shoes. I’m trying to picture what that might mean? I mean, women do need more kinds of shoes than men. Even after purging my closet, I think I have: 2 pair shoes for work, 2 pairs running shoes (one current, one old pair for yard work). 2 pairs casual summer sandals , one pair heavy duty hiking boots, 3 pairs of pretty boots and maybe 3 pairs of dress up heels. Neither a minimalist nor a shoe hoarder. I’d imagine most women have a similar collection up to 2-3 times as many? I wouldn’t worry about that. But if she’s talking Imelda Marcos a whole room is devoted to shoes, or she has a collection of $800 Laboutin heels, or she has 300 pairs of shoes shoved into a closet - she might not be a match. The fact that her response to S’s hoarding is to bring up her own possible hoarding tendency ……. Just keep an eye on that.
I cannot believe that S took the smoke detector! You might want to check around your home as we suggested back when she left...you just may have more things missing than you think. A smoke detector isn't that expensive and she would still need the part that you screw into the wall/ceiling. Gosh, that woman was a piece of work!
You have had a busy week and I'm sure Monty has enjoyed having you around. Enjoy last two days home.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I’m as lost as I am when reading CW’s thread anymore. Andrew, I hate to keep bringing this up, particularly since you are involved and I don’t even really know you or C, but your memory/recollection of your time together before and what I recall from your posts is 2 vastly different stories. What I recall was a woman embroiled in a sticky situation who you knew because there was some familial connection and you spent some time together and you seemed romantically interested but she seemed to be friend zoning you hard.
And I obviously missed a post somewhere because I didn’t see anything about shoes that kml mentioned above. But then again, I do occasionally miss posts without realizing it.
My only real advice: STOP CHASING/DATING SEPARATED WOMEN!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Please tell me you don’t think she was thinking she could rope you in and move in with you???
No rescuing! If she sells her house, she moves into whatever condo or apartment she can afford.
Complete speculation on my part - but I'm learning to be cynical and look for ulterior motives where there may or may not be any. She's reasonably well off and works as an executive in an engineering company so I doubt she needs any sort of rescue from a practical point of view.
Originally Posted by kml
But if she’s talking Imelda Marcos a whole room is devoted to shoes, or she has a collection of $800 Laboutin heels, or she has 300 pairs of shoes shoved into a closet - she might not be a match. The fact that her response to S’s hoarding is to bring up her own possible hoarding tendency ……. Just keep an eye on that.
I think she's in the "more shoes than could make sense" category. My XW had a thing for purses and we had one closet that was pretty much filled with them. I expect that this is in at least that category.
For me - I have some pride that I have very few things that aren't used regularly. Let's see, for shoes I have 3 pairs of dress shoes (2 steel toe - one of them a "backup pair"), one pair of walking shoes, 2 pairs of old gardening shoes (waiting for the first pair to die to put the second into rotation), 2 pairs of sandals. 3 pairs of boots (rubber, winter, dress). I also recognize that I'm a minimalist and not a lot of people are. It's undoubtedly more rare in middle-age when you live in the same place for a while and the flotsam and jetsam of life acretes.
I think the real indicator is if the things that someone has are cared for. Boxes shoved into a closet are far different from things regularly used. I could get by with a single bow tie but have at least 20 but wear them all regularly.
Originally Posted by job
I cannot believe that S took the smoke detector! You might want to check around your home as we suggested back when she left...you just may have more things missing than you think. A smoke detector isn't that expensive and she would still need the part that you screw into the wall/ceiling. Gosh, that woman was a piece of work!
You have had a busy week and I'm sure Monty has enjoyed having you around. Enjoy last two days home.
Thanks. The back plate was gone as well - so it wasn't just a temporary removal. I'm assuming it was her but have no proof - and it doesn't really matter. I do know that she really had a broad reach when it came to taking stuff. I recall seeing some papers of her XH in one of the boxes of stuff she pulled out of his house after she moved in here. She had no interest in sending them back and didn't seem to care that she had them. I think I'm close to the end of being surprised by things missing. The prior one to this was the nail brush from the upstairs bath - things I don't use much. This one bothered me a bit because a smoke detector is a vital piece of safety equipment. Any kitchen fire - which could happen at almost any time - would be well out of hand before the other two smoke detectors in the house would go off.
Originally Posted by Dawn70
I’m as lost as I am when reading CW’s thread anymore. Andrew, I hate to keep bringing this up, particularly since you are involved and I don’t even really know you or C, but your memory/recollection of your time together before and what I recall from your posts is 2 vastly different stories. What I recall was a woman embroiled in a sticky situation who you knew because there was some familial connection and you spent some time together and you seemed romantically interested but she seemed to be friend zoning you hard.
And I obviously missed a post somewhere because I didn’t see anything about shoes that kml mentioned above. But then again, I do occasionally miss posts without realizing it.
My only real advice: STOP CHASING/DATING SEPARATED WOMEN!
In my defense - as poor as it may seem - they seem to chase me and then I allow myself to get swept up in it. I recall one story where a woman insisted on seeing a copy of the divorce certificate of anyone she would consider dating ...
Your memory is good though Dawn - same woman. Now as anyone here will agree, I don't really understand women. But certainly with S and it could be with C, they recognize that if they don't step up that their chances may pass them by. Certainly I expect that's why S swooped in shortly after she found out that B had dumped me. I know that in the early days that was one of my worries when I would meet someone who seemed compatible they they would be quickly "off the market" as it were. When we first dated and there were many who didn't even think that what we were doing counted as dating, when I showed sustained interest, she backed off - she had a lot going on and - we can speculate - had me as a known quantity while she dealt with other XXX in her life. I know she was very shocked when I mentioned to her a couple of years later about going up to see my girlfriend's grandkids, but positive and congratulatory. She reached out a decent amount of time after she found out that S and I had split - in this past spring, but then many lockdowns went in and I was pretty obviously staying single so no rush.
I honestly don't know though - is she just a friend being friendly? Is she interested in something more? I'm trying to be open minded but careful.
One thing I am certainly better informed on these days is that I am perfectly fine on my own, that it takes a particular type of compatible person for me to be compatible with, and that if I do choose to go out and date that there are lots of people out there that I could date. I do hop on to the on-line dating thing from time to time - my profile isn't active - and see the same faces swinging around. Recently I saw the one I had been "quite" interested in show up again with the usual "why is this so hard" comment on her profile.
On the other hand, for anyone who has been spending any time at it, it's pretty obvious that there is a shortage of the "stable and non-crazy" types out there. I perhaps look like that. Heck, kml had been wanting to set me up with her sister at one point
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I’m as lost as I am when reading CW’s thread anymore. Andrew,
Tread lightly, Andrew, your exploits are being compared to mine.
Originally Posted by Andrew
Complete speculation on my part - but I'm learning to be cynical and look for ulterior motives where there may or may not be any. She's reasonably well off and works as an executive in an engineering company so I doubt she needs any sort of rescue from a practical point of view.
I hear you that she doesn't need to latch onto someone to put a roof over her head financially. One of my XW's motives for being interested in me--ironic given all the issues with my place--is my place "feels" like a home to my kids and looks like a home to my XW. And your home sounds more homey than mine, although I suspect we'd both be jealous of butterfly's garden.
Originally Posted by Andrew
On the other hand, for anyone who has been spending any time at it, it's pretty obvious that there is a shortage of the "stable and non-crazy" types out there.
Yes, I hope to add to this demographic at some point!
Andrew, why? a female talks to you and suddenly she's interested and wheels are turning that she can move into your home? Please. Do not let prior experience color present conditions.
Point #2: She's a married woman, period, until that divorce is final. She will need time post D decree to process the finalization of that marriage. We've seen it countless times. It's something we've all faced. If she *is* interested, why are *you* interested in being the rebound guy? Make no mistake, regardless of how much time she's been separated from her stbxh, the first person she is involved with post D finalization *will* be the rebound guy.
I want more for you than that, my friend.
Look elsewhere, please.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
It is amazing to me that someone who is a LBS themselves and who has read countless stories here about an ex leaving and trashing the LBS but still believes everything they say hook line and sinker. C, B and S must be the unluckiest women on the planet as they all have been involved with the worst possible men. I do not understand why you believe this word for word every… single…time. I am sure my ex describes me as the worst man in the world and I am sure that’s the way your ex describes you too because that’s what 99% of them do when they leave. Do not believe the stories about their ex’s for once.
Are there no non-married women in Canada? Stop dating and being interested in women who are FREAKING MARRIED/”SEPEREATED”!
Funny, I sent off texts to a few of the participants here wondering/suggesting we change the name of the forums from divorce busting to Groundhog Day.
Originally Posted by pinn
Are there no non-married women in Canada? Stop dating and being interested in women who are FREAKING MARRIED/”SEPEREATED”!
Dawn already beat you to this but I could not agree more with both of you. In fact, by my count, Andrew has ONLY dated married women - for certain only moved married women in with him. Groundhog Day.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
My only real advice: STOP CHASING/DATING SEPARATED WOMEN!
Originally Posted by bttrfly
I want more for you than that, my friend.
Look elsewhere, please.
I'm not dating or chasing anyone at present and don't know when, if, or how that would change. It is nice to spend time with friends of both genders and also important for me to be aware that I don't get dragged into anything that is not healthy for me again. It's unfortunate that I feel that I am in a position where I need to question the motives of others. And to be frank, myself.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I know you take everything I saw with a grain of salt. But the last 2 women you dated and moved into your home we’re still married. And one actually went back to her husband .
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having female friends. But you keep speaking of C as a romantic thing, not a friend thing. And guess what she is STILL MARRIED. And what an insanely long divorce abs has going on here. Huge red flags. And again, you know only one side to story.
I think everyone is trying to tell you not to date married women anymore. I mean, of course you can if you want, but it is literally the definition of insanity if you do.
