This was well after I knew about her affair and had heard reasons like "sometimes when you compliment me it doesn't sound sincere" so really felt that there was little about me that was the cause of her wanting to leave and that it was all on OM and her.
hmmmm interesting...you might want to think a bit harder on that one....
Wow, thanks for the lesson on hazards. I had no idea they were that dangerous, although where I used to live there were lots of warnings on the highways, which I assumed were overkill. I will definitely be keeping lots more distance on the freeways.
I'm very glad to no longer have dreams about mine. I did at times about the cheating and lying and feelings of hurt and disappointment, and also ones about wanting to save him from some peril or another. Now, since I took steps way back to reduce my stress I am sleeping better, and no more dreams that I can even recall upon waking.
Vacation is proceeding. Overcast day today with the cat snoozing on the desk. I had originally intended to get up and get going to an auction sale a few blocks away to see if I could get some furniture but decided "meh" and chose extra sleep instead. I do love auction sales and grew up attending them. When we moved into this house, a lot of the furnishing and appliances were auction sale finds. I also bought a number of what I call "boxes-o-fun" which were the random boxes and buckets that accumulate in any reputable workshop full of spare parts and whosits and do dads. Lots of things around this old house were fixed or fabricated after a rummage through one of those to find what was needed. I undoubtedly have accreted quite a bit on my own.
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Had a very good day yesterday. Started with brunch with my son at a new to us cafe. In fact it was the same location as one of my sisters worked in back in the day that has changed owners and names numerous times over the years. He was pleased to find out that one of the servers was a friend of his. We originally were going to go to a place close to where he lives but he suggested this place. He mentioned that he "had an errand over this way" - which came out to be that he had to stop by his mother's place to let OM's dog out. No mention of his mother's dog who may or may not have crossed the rainbow bridge. He was getting on in years and was rather unhealthily overweight. Presumably XW and OM were off somewhere where they couldn't take the dog. I think I just saw her unique car drive past the house so they must be on their way home.
After brunch I went up to a local village to check out the art gallery (big artistic community around here) and the visitor's centre. I bumped into an old friend of my XW and we had a nice chat. She still has a lot of WTF about the fact that we split - hasn't heard from XW in years. There is a common narrative from all her old friends that she never had anything bad to say about me or our marriage so the fact that she ran off with OM is felt to be bizarre.
I had been intending to going out to pick up some apples from a local orchard but given the time went for a drive to some places on my list to visit this week. We are fortunate to have a designated UNESCO World Heritage Biosphere right in our back-yard and I went up and did a bit of hiking and wandering about. The village that was the apex of my trip was busy with tourists but none of the quaint shops I wanted to browse in were open. Probably they never opened at all this season. While I was hiking I did something I always enjoy doing which is helping people who are trying to take group photos by acting as photographer. It always brightens people up to be able to get a photo that includes everyone.
I'd not been up there in years and really enjoyed hiking around. The last time would have been when the kids were little I think. Some of the places I remembered from prior trips were not to be found. I was also hoping to find some rocks to make an inukshuk but didn't want to take them from the park and didn't find any suitable ones laying around. I'm going to do some wandering around closer to home to find some. I'm hoping to make one that is at least 2' high. Just something I've been wanting to do. Is it cultural appropriation? I'm not sure. It is a pretty common Canadian symbol.
One the way back I got a message from SIL2 who is in the process of demolishing the old farmhouse I grew up in - still surprised that the darned thing hasn't fallen down on it's own. There were a couple of boxes they found in an attic that had my old school things in from 40 years ago including my report cards going all the way back to Kindergarten. Most of it I've tossed but will keep a few things and scan in some as well.
Being also related to my dad, my youngest brother is doing the best he can to reclaim the lumber, and salvageable metal etc from the house. As he demolishes, a lot of history is revealed. The house burned a number of times, sometimes caused by us kids setting small fires to keep warm. Surprising that we survived It was weird being in there with the walls all gone - the house is tiny. Probably about the size of my kitchen/dining room - maybe 800 square feet on both floors. The ceiling in the upstairs (raised after the top of the house burned when I was a baby) is only a bit over 6' high. 4 kids, assorted kid friends, dog all inside that place. And here I am rattling around in this old place.
It was nice to see her, my youngest brother and nephew. Hugs were given although my nephew didn't want a hug. They're anti-vax blah blah blah but I figured since I am double vaccinated that it was an acceptable risk.
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Going to do my best to have a quiet week. The apple place and a lovely cafe up that way that I had hoped to have on yesterday's adventure will happen later in the week now. Lots of cleaning to do, some windows need re-caulking and painted. There a book on local history that I've been editing but have let languish that I want to get done.
I have a pot of chili that includes fresh cherry tomatoes from my garden on for dinner that will probably feed me for a few days. I have some baguettes that will make nice garlic toast.
I've been keeping an eye on things at the plant. The daily production reporting doesn't seem to have been picked up so I've recorded it. Hope that my boss isn't thinking that I'm actually working though.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
It sounds like you rescue damsels in distress. My last XGF was a Harvard professor and international athlete. My XGF before that was tight with the mayor and city council of a big city. At first glance, our partners are very different, except unbeknownst to the public high-performers often need significant support. Ultimately, maybe we both put ourselves on the backburner?
Wanted to touch on this that CWarrior posted on his thread. Yep - definitely true. It's something that I struggle with in multiple ways. I am in many many ways a very fortunate man. I have a lot that the universe has chosen to send my way both materially and otherwise. I'm by no means rich but certainly comfortably middle-class. Undoubtedly it was in part how I was raised, but I feel an obligation to help others. I donate to numerous charities and when I used to have the time was also an active volunteer and sat on a couple of boards of volunteer / charity groups. Halloween is my favourite holiday and not just because I have an acceptable excuse to dress up as a pirate and drink rum. I look at it as a way for me to give back to the community that has been so very good to me, even if it is in small bags of candy and the joy that kids seem to have coming to "the pirate house". I do have to figure out what to do when I get rid of the sloop still.
Annnyyyhooo - one of the things I need to work on is my own perception that I have a lot to offer, emotionally and practically. That has, as CWarrior points out, led to me minimizing my own needs. This was not only the case in the two relationships I had post-divorce, but also during my marriage.
Yes, I do indeed have a lot to offer, but in this market I need to be a buyer and not a seller. It is what I am used to though and how I am wired. The sculpture of The Knight of the Rueful Countenance is staring at me over the screen and reminding me that service is it's own reward which are the values ingrained into me. Being single, I can be more "selfish" because there is a lack of someone immediately around to serve and I can do more or less whatever the heck I want.
Well - enough philosophy for now. The teapot is empty. Time to give the pot of chili a stir and root out my copy of that book and get a bit of the editing done. I'd also like to get my dusting and vacuuming done today too. I've reached out to an old friend to see if he's up for lunch sometime this week.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well that was surprising. C was in the village and invited me out for a beverage. Overall she seems to be doing well but is still waiting for her divorce to work through the courts. Divorcing a lawyer is undoubtedly difficult.
It was nice to see her. She did ask about how and why things ended with S and seemed satisfied albeit slightly disturbed by the answer which was "I thought I could get along with anyone and was wrong"
Certainly there was no pressure felt on my side and no pursuit vibe like the last time around. Given that she seems to have some sort of fiduciary interest in the brewery, we'll undoubtedly see each other again. It was nice to spend time with someone I respect and consider a friend.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
They're anti-vax blah blah blah but I figured since I am double vaccinated that it was an acceptable risk.
Please be careful. We have seen several breakthrough cases in our vaccinated patients, and although you’re unlikely to end up hospitalized, it still can be quite unpleasant and the jury is out on Long Covid after breakthrough infections.
They're anti-vax blah blah blah but I figured since I am double vaccinated that it was an acceptable risk.
Please be careful. We have seen several breakthrough cases in our vaccinated patients, and although you’re unlikely to end up hospitalized, it still can be quite unpleasant and the jury is out on Long Covid after breakthrough infections.
The two hospitals I work for are now seeing a high rate of fully vaccinated folk getting infected. And hospitalized to boot
They're anti-vax blah blah blah but I figured since I am double vaccinated that it was an acceptable risk.
Please be careful. We have seen several breakthrough cases in our vaccinated patients, and although you’re unlikely to end up hospitalized, it still can be quite unpleasant and the jury is out on Long Covid after breakthrough infections.
The two hospitals I work for are now seeing a high rate of fully vaccinated folk getting infected. And hospitalized to boot
Ouch! That whack hit where it hurts ....
The blah blah blah was more in reference to the various conspiracy theories that seem to have stuck with them. Socially they occupy an echo chamber that reinforces such messages. They do respect my decision to be vaccinated and to not spend time with them until I got both doses. On my side, I just don't have any interest in arguing with people about it. On most things I'm non confrontational and I know that there's really nothing I can say that will change their minds.
There is a lot of pandemic fatigue going on around here and probably everywhere else. I'm the only one who wears a mask at the plant regularly even though the masking guidelines are still in place. The election is amplifying the messages too along with the resistance to any sort of vaccine passport.
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Another "productive" day here. I drove to the city an hour away to get a new pair of safety shoes. My old ones have worn out in the inside. I ended up having to go up to a size 13EE to get something that fit the wide canoes at the end of my legs.
One the way back I stopped off at a local shop that I normally can't stop at and picked up some goat and sheep cheese. Should be nice to try. I also stopped at a landscaping supply place and they were nice enough to let me pick through their pile of stones (still had to pay) and I now have the inukshuk I wanted.
Going through the emails of the day - boy oh boy am I glad I'm off. The railway didn't show up again last night, the company we partner with for trucking is unhappy about the number of loads going through and so it's all a big mess that I don't have to do anything about. Everyone is short drivers right now and it's probably not going to get better any time soon.
Hopefully things will all be sorted out before I go back - but I'm sure that things are pretty tense.
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I've been thinking a bit more about my brief visit with C. I think I can pretty much say with certainty that she's still interested. I think I can certainly "see" her a lot more clearly than previously. Still someone I like and admire. Capable, smart, pretty. She was a bit startled but laughed when I explained "I used to think I could get along with pretty much everyone - I was wrong". She asked if the multitude of shoes she has counts as hoarding.
I got the feeling that she wanted to reach out and touch me as we were talking but didn't. She did seem a bit awkward when I hugged her hello and goodbye - but I'm a big huggy kind of guy and didn't force it on her but just opened my arms. She was certainly willing for a friendly hug.
Certainly someone I enjoyed spending time with and am looking forward to doing that again. I feel no real urge to "chase" and am not worried about whether anything will go anywhere or not. I'm not having the urge to actively chase / date anyone right now.
Ah well - time to wrap this up. Just got the notice on the radio that we're under a tornado watch. I'm probably safe here in the valley but will start watching the weather radar and perhaps batten down the cat
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Not a lot to report. My vacation is just flying by. I did get some of the things on my "list" taken care of. Picked up new safety shoes and make an inukshuk to watch over the end of my driveway yesterday and managed to get the lawn mowed before yet another wave of rain came through.
The storm was pretty severe with some reports of tornados. Down here in the valley it wasn't too bad but the entire region lost power for several hours. Some areas are still not up and running in the more remote locations. I did pull out the old camp stove to make dinner on but shut off the gas to it when the ancient grease inside it caught fire. It resolved itself but could have been much worse. The stove is now thoroughly cleaned and ready in case it's needed again.
The cat was fine although I did have to watch his tail as it would sometimes flick around the candle I was using for light.
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Not looking forward to going back to work in a few day. The extra sleeping in has been glorious along with the lack of stress.
One of the things I got taken care of was scanning in all the old report cards that Mother had kept. It was interesting to me on really how little I've fundamentally changed over the years. Hard working but with a tendency to make mistakes when rushed was a consistent theme. I was surprised that my - I think - grade 1 report card referenced my excellent singing voice. I don't know how good I actually am - but as long as I stay in my range I think I can carry a tune - old Bing Crosby songs are just about the right range for my baritone.
It was a bit odd too to see the report cards made out variously to Andy and Andrew. Growing up, most people called me Andy but for some reason now it just grates. My immediate family still calls me that and when I was visiting with C she did too - which just made me cringe. She knows me through family though which perhaps explains that usage. I sort of put it down that some people have through blood or history earned the right to call me whatever name they want. There are bigger things in this world to deal with than that sort of trivia.
My XW also had a "longer" name that she went by and never shortened it. She would get quite - ahem - particular - with people as well when they shortened mine.
Some good friends (double vaccinated) stopped by today and we went out to a local pub for wings. It was nice to catch up. They have by necessity become very active grandparents because their daughter and son-in-law keep leaving the kids with them. They do work a lot of hours and my friends have been retired for some time. It was in some ways interesting to talk to them - I asked after both their kids and they only talked about their daughter. Their son has had a very troubled life with anger and substance abuse issues and numerous difficulties with the law. They are a "normal" middle-class couple that has had as far as I know - and these have been friends for over 20 years - a good solid marriage and been loving and involved parents. They did get a mental health diagnosis on their son eventually but not until he was a long way down the path to difficult times.
Trying to decide when or if I'll reach out to C to see about getting together again. She's still pretty wrapped up in a difficult divorce. She says that her STBX is being obstructionist she believes mostly to avoid child support. Despite having a solid and prosperous career, he's pleading poverty and making claims that are easily proven to be false. A story that we've seen played out here multiple times and one that I certainly find believable. I may contact her mid-next week to see if she's up here on the weekend of available on Friday after work.
Ah well - enough for now. Trying to decide on what to do for dinner. I may go for a wander around the village and enjoy the momentary sunshine while I decide. I still have well over 50 pages of that history book to edit so may work on that tonight.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Grrrr - figured out why my kitchen smoke detector didn't fire the other day when my camp stove malfunctioned. The dratted thing is gone. No clue when or why it was removed. Consistent with S and her taking whatever she felt like when she exited though. I'm a bit disappointed in myself that it's taken nearly a year for me to notice.
I picked up a new one yesterday with a 10 year battery in it which was what the old one was.
Fairly busy weekend ahead. I have some work to do to get ready for Monday and tidy things up that got missed while I was off. I was pleased yesterday afternoon to get a courier package from my tailor. They have my measurements on file and did up another batch of shirts for me so now I have to go through and starch and iron them all to get them ready. I have an odd shape with an over-sized neck so custom is the only thing that really works well for me. And the fit is so much better than off the rack while the price is actually quite comparable. I look at clothes as an investment. Buy good stuff, take care of it and it lasts. My last batch of shirts were probably at least 6-7 years old. Pants and jackets I can at least buy off the rack and bow ties too although I have to make sure they are long enough first. I'm fortunate that I'm on the upper side of "normal" so don't have to go custom for everything like many bigger people do. I would like to lose those 40lbs that have rediscovered me after the divorce diet - but am too lazy to put in the real effort in diet change and exercise that would be necessary. And even if I did I still have too large of a neck for off-the-rack shirts and the ones that come close look like circus tents on me.
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In other news, 20S stopped by and picked up another box of her stuff that she's planning on sneaking into the house while her boyfriend is away (sigh). His divorce is supposedly going to be final in a few weeks and she's expecting an engagement ring. She went on quite the rant about my son not taking her calls any more - hasn't for quite a long time. I assured her that he doesn't really take anyone's calls and reminded her how much it upsets his mother. She gave me an odd look then but I expect that's because she's always been in contact with my XW although I have vague memories about her getting "unfriended" and hearing a rant about that.
I expect that quite a few people are still in contact one way or another with my XW and I. One of those Facebook memories popped up the other day that she had commented on - clicking the link - I'm still blocked through there. I do honestly have no need or real interest to know what's going on with her day-to-day and it's undoubtedly for the best that I'm blinded to it. My kids pass on zero information in this direction even though it's well proven that my son passes info the other way.
...
20S is an overall good kid - just pretty messed up especially about relationships and rather a taker than a giver. In hind-sight she and S have a lot of similarities. Jumping in with both feet into a relationship and steam-rolling over any objections.
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I did get my groceries and much of the usual Saturday errands out of the way yesterday. Sat outside with a nice fire to relax after a dinner of BBQ steak with baked potato and gravy. Annoying to be single with that sort of cooking - I was dodging back and forth between the kitchen and outside making sure that the gravy was cooking properly and the BBQ was behaving. A spare pair of hands could have handled one side or the other of that.
I did a "wellness check" on an old friend who has been going through some rough times and she's doing more or less ok. She has a number of health issues and hasn't worked in over a year - not because of her health - she basically was left unemployed when Covid shut down her employer and then given her age (a few years older than me) and health issues would only look for work from home jobs. She was extra chatty via text so I didn't get as much of a relax as I had hoped for - but it was good to know that my friend was ok and "heard". I don't think she has much of a social circle.
Still conflicted about my approach with "C". Keeping her somewhat at arms length is undoubtedly the "right" decision, but I'm not well known for doing the right thing . She's certainly in a better place I think than she was when we dated 3 years ago (?). Her kids are getting pretty close to launch with her oldest 20 and youngest I think 15 or 16. She's a very smart and practical person and I can almost hear the wheels turning when she was talking about the fact that when her divorce settlement is finally figured out that she'll have to sell the house. There certainly (and yes I know I've been wrong about this with others) no chance of a reconciliation. Her STBX has been very nasty, has a girlfriend and a new life even if for some bizarre reason it's "secret". A story we've seen here many many many times.
What do I want though? I still don't really know what I want that I don't already have. Companionship would be nice. Some friendly booty from time to time perhaps. I know that I'm again deep if not deeper into a rut than I was before.
Ah well - teapot's empty. I have one load of laundry out on the line and the next is about ready I think. It's a breezy, sunny day here so I'm giving my quilt and blankets a nice wash and airing along with the usual. Soon going to be time to put the storm windows up but I need a perfectly calm day for that.
I have some reports and calculations to do for work. There's a couple of loads coming through that I need to juggle to be able to make the best use of the available tanks. Update my books, send the XW her monthly payment etc etc etc.
Salute
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
It was weird being in there with the walls all gone - the house is tiny. Probably about the size of my kitchen/dining room - maybe 800 square feet on both floors. The ceiling in the upstairs (raised after the top of the house burned when I was a baby) is only a bit over 6' high. 4 kids, assorted kid friends, dog all inside that place. And here I am rattling around in this old place.