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Steve_ Offline OP
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Hello everyone I returned for a few reasons. First off to say thanks, I got frustrated a couple months ago in my last posts but I realized that its because I was being honest about what I was doing and that what I was doing was not good. The advice was sound, it didn't play out that way for me as some of you guys have expected but there have been several events that have occurred and because I spent time here whether I took the advice right then and there or later it helped. So thanks.

Since my last post a couple months ago a few things have happened.

-I got active in the church next to me, brought my kids as well, they love sunday school. It has been a huge blessing in my life. It has really helped me a lot with the depression and moving on. Its healing me more than I can really have asked for. And the church offers free counseling for me and the children weekly.

-Been working tons of hours and paying off bills, going out of town to see my GF having fun, working on moving away from this small apartment and to a nicer place. I landed a job making $9.00 an hour more.

-EW has broken up with OM she left me for and got back like idk how many times, she tried to get me back, even moved into the same apartment complex and started going to my church. Yeah, no... hell no.. the farther I got away from her and the more time I spend with someone who is actually a good person the more I began to see how toxic and disgusting she is. I give her respect as a mom but otherwise I do not speak to her. I cant stop her legally and honestly the church has helped her attitude toward me be less ridiculous. I don't like it but nothing I can really do about it, and tbh she needs jesus.

-Occasionally I drive by my EW and her bf or side man, or atm whatever he is and if I see them I just wave. Im so glad he took her off my hands.

This month it has been a year since she took off with him, seems like it hasnt been that long, but I think back on months I felt like I was suffering and they seem like distant times. Now I really just look forward to staying on the road I am on. GF and I have had one falling out over crap the ex tried to pull, but fortunately she is mature enough to allow me the opportunity to establish more barriers and correct the issue. We are good and really support one another as we work through different times in our lives. Still long-distance but we see each other at least twice a month or so for a couple days.

We have a big christian concert coming up and then my birthday, then a wedding and another concert. In the meantime I spend as much time as I can with my kids, they are back in school and loving it, my daughter is doing really good actually turned things around. I continue to hit the gym, stay away from drama and pray. And its really worked out. I am not there yet and there is work to do but thanks to the advice as some issues came up I was able to dodge them or handle them. I even got my child support lowered from 1,000 to $600!

I get a ton of love and support from friends and family. And I did from you guys too. I just didnt see I needed to see what potentially could have happened had I continued the way I was. Thanks again.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Steve_ congrats on your life turning around! Great update and keep up the great work.

I'm still concerned about the dating so soon but it is your life and your get to decide that for yourself! Everyone is different so I'm glad to hear that so far you were right and I was wrong on that. Love the church going! So good for you and the kids.

Keep up the great work


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Steve_ Offline OP
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You were not wrong brother.

I just have been really blessed. I know you have concerns about dating soon after such a long M and such a bad D and WW. So did I, and so did my GF, her being 6 years younger no kids never M, really involved in her faith is challenging. But that is what her and I have the most of. And it’s how we get through the stuff the EW does. It’s going to be hard it’s gonna be a transition no matter who I end up with. But I am very blessed this girl has been solid, patient, and kind with the process. It’s been about 5 months now and it’s gotten better as time has gone by. Her and I are really close and we are realistic about our needs, desires for the future and so on. I am not worried about it, because I know I’ll be alright. And I’m honestly really happy, so is she and most importantly the kids are happy as well. Finally things are good. There will always be problems but I am a lot better equipped these days for them. I’m not afraid to speak up for what I want and what is right. It won’t be always easy but I feel like it will be worth it I am doing really well. Thanks again everyone


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Oct 2018
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Likes: 1
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Great update Steve. Glad you are doing well and things are working out with your girlfriend. Distance is tough but, in your case, it’s probably a good thing as it does give you some time to work on your own stuff and to really put your past behind you. Glad you saw your XW for the person she is. You deserve much better than she is capable of giving you. Best of luck!!! (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Hi Steve_, just chiming in to say I'm so glad things are going well for you and you are no longer so tempted by your XW. Glad you and your GF are working out after all. Like DejaVu says, I wouldn't be surprised if the extra distance has been a key factor in that.



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Originally Posted by Steve_
-EW has broken up with OM she left me for and got back like idk how many times, she tried to get me back, even moved into the same apartment complex and started going to my church. Yeah, no... hell no.. the farther I got away from her and the more time I spend with someone who is actually a good person the more I began to see how toxic and disgusting she is. I give her respect as a mom but otherwise I do not speak to her. I cant stop her legally and honestly the church has helped her attitude toward me be less ridiculous. I don't like it but nothing I can really do about it, and tbh she needs jesus.


Glad you're making progress Steve but that part about your EW going to your church and even moving into your apt complex is very creepy.

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Steve_ Offline OP
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I agree DRH,

Unfortunately there is nothing I really could have done to stop her short of a restraining order and I really dont want to go down that road legally it would just cause me headaches I dont need. This woman is a psychopath, she quite literally believed(s) that I will come running back to her at her beckon call. She actually had the notion I would move-in with her and be her room mate and also move in with her when we agreed several months back to relocate to LA. Of course now that I laughed those things off and have really started pursing a life away from her she is spinning and losing control. Making threats to take my kids custody away, saying she will tell a judge I have PTSD and that I am abusive and unstable. yeah she wont do that, its not even possible they are all empty threats. I have an army of people for character references if need be in court and zero arrest history so yeah Im not worried.

As far as church goes I go at 9 and she goes at 11. She got pissed off I dodged her this past sunday when the new kids wing opened up. I could care less, yes she needs jesus but not me to be there. I dislike her in every way possible and I want absolutely nothing to do with her as much as I can manage. I look forward to moving away soon, and getting on with my life away from her mess. I already talked to my kids they support me and know their mother is insane. I knew this would be hard for them, and I do my best with them but she will do as she does and I cant stop it. Thats just the hard reality. Otherwise Im happy and moving on. The final D papers cannot come soon enough, the judgment has been entered in default just waiting on the admin people I suppose.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
S
Steve_ Offline OP
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To add the most recent nonsense, the XW pretty much moved in with OM she left for and now states she wont be moving to LA as we agreed on. She also is now threatening to tell the court that when I move im abandoning my kids and that she has no choice but to stay with OM and file for full custody, she says "you are abandoning your kids so you can go be with a girl"

Thats funny since that is exactly what she did abandon her M for OM and now its not working out. Bohoo oh well, I tried to tell her /shrug. Once her parents move out of state she will be on her own with no support and she will have no choice but to be a mom or move closer to me as she promised to begin with. Her and OM aint gonna work out, they have had a year and still dont steadily get along. Its just a matter of time until this fake world she lives in comes crashing down and she has no choice but to get it right. Im done enabling her, im moving on with my life and so is her parents in the next year or so. We all got choices, she made bad ones, not my problem, I dont worry god will provide a way for me and my kids and my future. I only need to focus on being the best father I can be given the situation.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,117
Likes: 19
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Originally Posted by Steve_
This woman is a psychopath, she quite literally believed(s) that I will come running back to her at her beckon call.
Do you understand why she would think that Steve?
Originally Posted by Steve_
I already talked to my kids they support me and know their mother is insane.
So a 5 and a 7 year old have come to the conclusion on their own that their mother is insane?
Originally Posted by Steve_
Her and OM aint gonna work out, they have had a year and still dont steadily get along. Its just a matter of time until this fake world she lives in comes crashing down and she has no choice but to get it right.
Boy you still are totally obsessed with their relationship.
Originally Posted by Steve_
Im done enabling her, im moving on with my life and so is her parents in the next year or so.
Hmmmmmm?
You seem stuck Steve. Time to move on my friend.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
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I read it like LH. You have some successes, but in some ways you're still stuck in a rut--

Originally Posted by Steve_
their mother is insane... This woman is a psychopath.. a restraining order and I really dont want to go down that road legally it would just cause me headaches I dont need.

a) You believe your XW is an insane psychopath--why aren't you protecting your kids by taking full custody, getting her a psych eval, and getting a restraining order issued? It's a headache is not a good reason for a guardian, someone who values their kids from failing to protect them from dangerous people.

b) You believe your XW is NOT an insane sociopath--why are you claiming she is and how do your kids (young kids rarely come to that conclusion even with truly insane parents) have that notion?!

It's hard, Steve_, to face where you're not doing the best you can for your kids. It sounds like you are doing many things right--but this huge miss outweighs a lot. I have some misses in my life, too (e.g. the state of my home), so I'm not singling you out. I'm facing those.

Originally Posted by Steve_
we agreed several months back to relocate to LA... I move im abandoning my kids and that she has no choice but to stay with OM and file for full custody, she says "you are abandoning your kids so you can go be with a girl"
If she agreed in writing, present it to the court. If not, she has a good case. Usually, the courts frown upon one parent moving the kids away from their home and the other parent. Hopefully your GF will move to you since you have kids.

Originally Posted by Steve_
Its just a matter of time until this fake world she lives in comes crashing down and she has no choice but to get it right.
Steve, I agree you seem fixated on OM and your XW having some comeuppance. I've definitely seen LBS get stuck there. I hope that's not going to be you, while she lives a 80% happy life, focusing on the 20% that goes wrong. wink



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