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smilie Offline OP
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M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
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When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
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smilie Offline OP
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With regard to earning an income I have dreamed of this for years. I get so far and then have a massive vertigo attack that pushes me back weeks.

I know that all that I say sounds like an excuse, but it's real life for me. I would go out to work in a heartbeat if I could find a position and be reliable as an employee. I have wanted nothing more than this for years.

I want a way out of this and have been looking for so long.


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
---
When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
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Originally Posted by smilie
She also 'dupped' me into getting pregnant a few years back - I believe she was on the pill and having an affair.

This tells me that she was living with this guy when she left the first time and it is likely that she has been seeing him all this time. The lawyer says that the courts would find it hard to believe that she moved in after just one month.
Hi smilie,

Unless you have evidence you haven’t shared here, the idea she’s been seeing him the whole time seems like another fantasy in-line with your other efforts to villainize her and rewrite history.

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smilie Offline OP
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I am really not trying to villainize - why does everything come across wrong? No I do not have evidence, just my experience in hindsight. That's all. It seems that everything I say is taken completely different to the way it is meant.

I love the woman - for some reason still - she is treating me really badly and I can't even get angry at her. Quite frankly I don't understand that feeling because I should be hateful towards her - I'm not, but I am very disappointed.

I'm sure she has her reasons, but it's not a nice thing that she is doing. Looking back I can see loads of little things that now make sense that I didn't see at the time - that's it.

It's her birthday today (45). It's the first time in 21 years that I haven't wished her happy birthday, bought her a card or got her a present. No doubt she is having a good day.


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
---
When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
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Originally Posted by smilie
I am really not trying to villainize - why does everything come across wrong?
Alleging she was cheating on you for the duration of your relationship without any new evidence is rewriting history. As I said before, LBS do it almost as often as WAS. That's not surprising, as unlike WWS (aliens!), WAS and LBS are both humans. They're both doing their best with the cards dealt to them.

Originally Posted by smilie
I know it sounds harsh, but I can't be held responsible for my wife's decisions
That doesn't sound harsh, that sounds normal.

Originally Posted by smilie
she has to face the consequences of those
Maybe, maybe not. You're not responsible for her choice to speed. You're also not a traffic cop. My father's never faced the consequences of a speeding ticket, and he definitely speeds.

Originally Posted by smilie
whatever they may be, including taking money without knowledge or authorization, stopping paying the rent for a property she is on the tenancy for, cancelling utility bills, etc.
Yes, be selfish! You two are no longer in a relationship. You are competing for limited savings and income. If raising one of these points wins you more savings or maintenance in court than it costs your lawyer to make the point then by all means bring it up. If it doesn't, then let it go. Most things will fall into the "let it go" territory. Typically your final settlement will be close to court guidelines.

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Alleging she was cheating on you for the duration of your relationship without any new evidence is rewriting history.
Not for the duration, just since the first time she left me and based on her comment in her statement. You're right though, I'm guessing and still trying to make sense out of the lot of this.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
Yes, be selfish! You two are no longer in a relationship
Apart from pensions that amount to a similar amount, there is nothing else. I was just following my lawyers advice on maintenance, but the wife is wiggling out of that one by lying ... still - not rewriting history on that one!

I feel like just jacking the entire thing in, it seems pointless. I have just spent the past few hours responding to a Statement of Truth that she submitted. It is all manipulated truth and a few bits complete fabrication. I cannot believe she as a lawyer would lie on a statement of truth. This entire experience has blown me away - it's an unbelievable nightmare and all because she wanted out. Why did she just not go and leave me alone? Why this?


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
---
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Originally Posted by smilie
I feel like just jacking the entire thing in, it seems pointless. I have just spent the past few hours responding to a Statement of Truth that she submitted.
If you can prove a statement is false and that nets you money then it's not pointless. If you are "Right Fighting" to prove she is wrong then it's pointless. The legal stuff is almost entirely about finances.

Statement: "He was mean to me beyond belief. He always took the last slice of pizza. He wouldn't hold open doors for me. He told me I could take all his money as compensation."

Response: "I did NOT tell her she could take all my money."

Originally Posted by smilie
I have just spent the past few hours responding to a Statement of Truth that she submitted. I cannot believe she as a lawyer would lie on a statement of truth.
You seem to trust lawyers more than most. I chalked this up to maybe differences between the US and UK. However, polls show only 29% of Americans and 42% of Brits "trust lawyers to tell the truth." Lawyers are humans, like you and me. If a person can get away with a lie, and a lie helps them or their family, people sometimes lie. I see it sometimes when people who are anti-covid-vaccination claimed they were vaccinated to enter a venue without a mask. We don't all value TRUTH as the highest possible virtue.

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It’s admirable that you value honesty. If your ex’s statement of facts prove to be unreliable, the judge will assign less merit to them and more relative merit to your statements.

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
You seem to trust lawyers more than most. I chalked this up to maybe differences between the US and UK.
This statement worries me. Should I be concerned? I have been trusting my lawyer when she said wait for the courts. I have lost the house I had arranged to rent because of this, still no word from the court.

I have had no dealings with lawyers really, the last one cheated on me and left me for OM....:(

I feel concerned.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
It’s admirable that you do value honesty. If she’s making false statements of fact and you can prove that, the judge will likely give your testimony more weight.
The thing is she is pointing to things that she said where "said" a lot of the time.

She says that she hadn't had the intention or ever stolen money, but then again her actions here say the opposite and proveable by bank statements.

Not sure if anything else is worth the bother, just the maintenance claim for me - she's obviously defending against that.


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
---
When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
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Smilie, I found my lawyer through a friend so they began with a bit of trust, but I generally trust a new lawyer about as much as a new mechanic, doctor, etc. I expect if I give them “free reign” I’ll get a bill in the thousands, and if I direct the work in the hundreds.

E.g., I was bitten by a possible adult rattle snake. I circle the swollen area with a marker and observe it over time. Two hours later, I’m in cell range, and it hasn’t gotten bigger. A day later it’s only gotten smaller. On Google, a herpetologist suggests a tetanus shot if it’s shrinking. I schedule one for the next morning. A doctor calls and says first they want to assess it and also give me antivenin. The assessment would cost $360. I ask what they’d check. They say they want to see if it’s getting better. I say it has been and describe my marking and observations. I have time lapse photos. They said they’re not a snake expert so would still recommend antivenin to be safe. Cost? $Thousands$. I say I’ll take my chances. They say they didn’t want to give me a tetanus shot for it unless I see them for an assessment and we talk more about this. I say, okay, it sounds like you’re refusing me a tetanus booster. They say that’s not what they meant. They put in the order. They asked a nurse to take a quick look at the swelling. Cost $0. I know some people have Cadillac medical plans where they’d simply go in and get whatever done. I’m cost conscious.

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