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#2920450 06/26/21 06:56 AM
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Gigi123 Offline OP
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2904504#Post2904504

Previous thread above

In brief: separated for 15 months, h lives with OW, has kids 2 night per week. Wants division of assets, where he literally splits everything 50/50.

I feel much calmer today, woke up to the sounds of the birds chirping, the sun is shining, boys are back home today, life is good!
If he doesn't want to talk to me about anything thats fine, means i have more time to organise my finances and life plans with no pressure. Im really trying to see the positives in this situation.

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H is going away for a week or so, so wont see the kids for a bit. Would you say that once he is back we continue with our normal schedule or would it be expected that he has more nights when back?
As i type it i think its ridic, but its the type of thing that might come up, as im accused of bot letting him see the kids more often.

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Hey Gig,

Your H wants division of assets at 50/50 right? What are you thinking about this?

I can't advise on whether or not your H gets "makeup" time when he gets back. I would learn towards no unless you choose to be nice about it.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Gigi123,

Originally Posted by Gigi123
Wants division of assets, where he literally splits everything 50/50.

Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Your H wants division of assets at 50/50 right? What are you thinking about this?

What is he entitled to legally? Maybe he's feeling guilty and wants a smooth exit and is offering 50/50 even though he's entitled to more. If so, you should jump at the chance to make the best deal for yourself. But if he's not entitled to half and you're entitled to more, I personally wouldn't settle. Talk with an L and understand what you're legally entitled to, and then make it a business decision/negotiation.

Originally Posted by Gigi123
H is going away for a week or so, so wont see the kids for a bit. Would you say that once he is back we continue with our normal schedule or would it be expected that he has more nights when back?
As i type it i think its ridic, but its the type of thing that might come up, as im accused of bot letting him see the kids more often.

Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
I can't advise on whether or not your H gets "makeup" time when he gets back. I would learn towards no unless you choose to be nice about it.

What is best for your children? That's the most important factor, and the question my parents often come back to me with when discussing my sitch. It's easy of getting into a negotiation and trying to "win" when it comes to time with the kids - admittedly I've gotten caught up in that early on - but the best thing to do would be to put aside your personal feelings and do what's best for the kids. Now, maybe he's abusive or doesn't care for them...etc. and it's better for them to be more with you, but if he's a good dad and the kids would benefit from seeing him maybe it's best to allow him more time when we returns from his trip. Try to find that balance between being taken advantage of with constant requests for schedules changes that disrupt your life and being flexible for him so he's willing to accommodate your potential future schedule needs. Ultimately "what's best for the kids" should be everyone's primary consideration, but I can certainly relate to the emotions involved which can cloud that goal.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
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Thank you really helpful.
Re assets-50/50 is an easy out for him, i would be entitled to more and depending on court decision potentially staying in the house all-together until kids turn a certain age. You see none of these things are straight forward, as in the court decides on fair, but fair doesnt mean equal. So the court would look at all assets, that includes pension and the fact that he lives with someone else and has another wage coming in, also as we are still married i could file for D based on adultery, all of this affects court decisions. I have parked this for now, as he isnt willing to talk and there is no rush. Eventually if we cant agree, we will have to do mediation.

Yes yes yes, best interest of the kids, its always at the forefront of course. He is a good dad, be it even the kids can see changes in him and dont like them. Ill play it by ear, depending on what is requested of course.

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You do have a lawyer, right?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Every intention of sorting all of that out, but universe is creating obstacles, kids have been unwell, s5 now covid positive, so we are self isolating, but s7 is with H temporarily, as he is overly concerned about him getting it, which nakes no sense, as we have all been in the same house and shared a bed for the past week.
Basically at the moment, other things in the agenda. Once again, he just expects me to sign all papers for house sale. And refuses to talk to me about anything. Im obviously not signing anything, as there is no reason why i would.
Just need to get through 10 days of working/homeschooling and recovering

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Out of self isolation, s6 has bounced back after covid, all fit and well.
And im ringing the solicitors tomorrow, i have offered H mediation, but he said he doesnt need it, he made it clear what im getting from him and the house sale, and he is stopping paying for the house. So thats where we are now. We do have an offer on the house, but i can actually pay for the house and bill myself! But he is not willing for that to happen unless i can release equity. And i think the only way this will happen, and we can resolve this is through solicitors now. Its really unfortunate as i really thought we were amicable enough to talk this through and agree a middle ground.

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Sorry to hear that. I feel fortunate that I had a quick, amicable divorce. I maybe didn't get all that I could, but it was fair enough. I did get the most important thing--the child custody schedule that I wanted. That's about all that mattered to me.

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I honestly thought that we could do this, could agree amicably. But he is just repeating the same thing over and over again and then goes silent. So we cant actually discuss anything. And then weeks go by and it starts all over again.

The child custody hasnt been part of the discussion at all, he gets 2 nights per week and the third night only one of the kids goes, to allow for 121 time, which rarely happen with H, as ow is always there.

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