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Mumin, welcome back! When do we get an update mate?


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
There are ways to have your woman thinking about you like Billie thinks of Brad. It takes effort, but the results are worth the effort.
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Can you elaborate on this please R2C?
Originally Posted by Mumin
2nd that. Books/reads?



Start here:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094
and read "Counter-intuitive ways to attract" first. That is a good foundation.

Read the others about attraction as well.

If you study the ways of pick-up artist, they have a subset of what is needed. They are good at faking some of the most important traits.

Google "wing girl method" She has some great advise.



As you are watching the Netflix (Sex/Lives) , really pay attention to the difference in the way Brad speaks to Billie compared to the way Cooper speaks to Billie.

Also watch how Brad is willing to take risks. He is not boring. Watch his behavior around Billie. Watch her and how she responds. Notice how she feels while she is in his presence.






"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Hey OB, and thanks!
Ive stayed on as a not so frequent lurker, mostly following a few posters.

Short update here.
On a two week vacation with my kids, life in general is very good.
Been on two dates with one girl, told her I couldnt commit.
Working out a lot.
Not reading that much anymore, will try to pick it up during summer.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Quick but good, well done mate.

Originally Posted by Mumin
Been on two dates with one girl, told her I couldnt commit.


Why not? What was her response?


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
Joined: Jan 2020
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Finally spent some time watching this crap show.
I am on episode 6 and actually think cooper did a great job when WW came to his office.
Exactly how a LBS should handle it.
I spent all night thinking of a life without you
( shows he is planning and preparing. Hes ready to live without her)
I am trying, but there is something going on her that has nothing to do with me. PLEASE, figure it out!
(Says he is willing to try but she must do the work too/first)


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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He took her back too easy and it literally fuched him in the end.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
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Originally Posted by LH19
He took her back too easy and it literally fuched him in the end.
YUP


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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So I know I'm a bit behind, but finally watched the series...

First, definitely trashy affair/D porn.

Second, interestingly the kids' gender & ages are identical to mine during my sitch. At one point Sasha tells Cooper that Billie is going through a post-partum MLC "thing". I haven't thought of that angle recently, but definitely thought a lot early on about whether post-partum played a factor, along with weaning breastfeeding and pausing ADs, as W was also nasty to D1 for awhile and there were a lot of drug and hormone changes in the 6 months before BD.

Episode 1
  • The butterfly allusion was not at all subtle. Billie says "She can’t breath in there. She’ll die if you don’t let her go."
  • Cooper says “Where’s my beautiful girl?” referring to the daughter not the wife, who was looking for love and validation and clearly disappointed, even if he was being a great dad.
  • Billie mentions having already done 73 of the Karma Sutra positions before marriage. There's a discussion on some of the online resources about how a higher "body count" makes it more likely to end in affairs or divorce because of the experiences you're missing and a higher chance you've encountered a "the one who got away"
  • Billie mentions the "stability and sanity" Cooper offered – my ExW said “stability” was one of the reasons she married for me
  • In the flashback Brad did a good job with seduction by leaning in for the kiss but then kind of psyching Billie out by not kissing her and instead saying “I want to show you something”...building the sexual tension.


Episode 2
  • For awhile Cooper was glossing over the clear issues, and instead buying presents and taking her on dates. It's discussed on here a lot if there's an affair going on the extra attention from both parties is a morale booster for the WS.
  • Billie says “this is what a sweetheart does when he reads your journal. He doesn’t get mad; he gets busy. Trying to give you what you want, what your impossibly sexy ex-boyfriend gave you ten years ago.” She's enjoying the cake eating.
  • The snooping definitely impacted Cooper's attitude and bitterness towards Billie and made him waiver on R at times. No way to say whether it would've changed the end result though.


Episode 3
  • There were times Billie reached out but Cooper pushed back out of bitterness. She wanted to have sex with him in the shower but he responds with “The service lights on in the jag still. When are you going to get that fixed?”, which clearly upsets her
  • Brad's issues (no relationship) with dad and his mom’s new husband / stepfather had big impacts on his relationship.
  • Cooper kept trying to recreate a sexual memories for Billie to please and fulfill her "it's what she wants", but could never compete with the fantasy


Episode 4
  • Brad's coworker says "You’ve been playing this 'nice guy' for so long and look where that’s gotten you!" We talk about NGS on here a lot.
  • Brad's coworker says "You’re so focused on work. You’re busy being super dad. You’ve forgotten about you."
    I've heard about this in the online self-help videos I've seen about losing your purpose and sense of self can cause a decline in the relationship and respect. Guys think, myself included, if we provide with the career and are a great dad that's enough. Another Stander had a post on someone's thread recently about how the kids will grow up and you'll have less time with them regardless of the D, so you have to find interests and hobbies for your own life.
  • Billie pushes back like a typical WS and says “You read my journal, that’s what started all this!” Rolling my eyes. We just had a big discussion on Michka's thread about our spouses blaming us more for snooping than their affairs.
  • Billie says “It had been such a long time. You weren’t touching me. Why not?” She needed love and validation and a sense of desire...not just the career and father to her kids.


Episode 5
  • Cooper says to Billie “You keep treating me like some B grade consolation prize. It’s making me sick.” How often on this board do we mention the LBS being the WAS's "Plan B". The show explicitly calls it out.


Episode 6
  • Sasha says “He’s damaged, B. All that [censored] with his dad?” Again...daddy issues impacting the relationship. (my W had cut her dad out for 5 years and he didn't attend our wedding).
  • Cooper to Billie: “It’s not all in my head. There is something going on between you two” How’d you get home, his motorcycle?” “Nothing happened” Clear example of dealing with gaslighting.
  • “Copper this is our marriage, we need to fix this.” “I know and I’m trying but There is something going on here that has nothing to do with me.”
    I've been told many times by various people that it's not all me...ExW is dealing with her own issues and just focusing her anger at me. I've see it discussed on this board that the WAS is dealing with their own sitch, and it's not always about the LBS.
  • "85% of my marriage is the stuff that people dream about, but 15%...sex. Desire, feeling desired. Freedom to be anyone and do anything. Cooper is trying to give me anything, but it’s just not the same."
    Incredible how 85% isn't enough. Her counselor friend says the guy who is stable can't provide the thrill and excitement, but someone maybe Brad can do both? That didn't make sense. Thing is, if you chase the 15% you're likely to lose a good portion of the 85%. But, I know...logic vs. emotions.
  • Counselor to Bille: “Isn’t that why you came to me? I’m the guy who doesn’t believe any of that ‘death do us part’ crap”
    I found this especially interesting. The show explicitly raised the question of whether she sought out the counselor because she KNEW didn't think monogamy was the answer and his feedback would validate through logic and reason her emotional actions towards Billie. My ExW reached out to only the folks who had their own affairs/Ds or would back up her actions, and specifically put aside the people who would tell her to work on the marriage. Seem to be another common thread.


Episode 7/8
  • Interesting to see the social blow back from other woman about Billie's affair. Don't think it's fair to put that on a 4yo, but do sometimes wonder if ExW is getting any vibes/put downs around town for what she did. I thought there would be more of a stigma, but it seems like people just smile and be friendly to her anyway (though obviously what I see is very limited).


Season 2 Prediction: Billie has some fun with Brad who inevitably leaves her for the 500th time, and now she’s stuck with 50% of her young kids’ lives in a downsized house chasing both the 15% and the 85%???

Last edited by BL42; 08/11/21 09:14 AM.

Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Just saw a preview for a new Netflix series called "On The Verge" about four women experiencing midlife crisises. I have not seen the show, but wonder if it's going resonate with similar themes on this board with MLC and D, the way Sex/Lives did with affairs and wayward mindset.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Originally Posted by BL42
Just saw a preview for a new Netflix series called "On The Verge" about four women experiencing midlife crisises. I have not seen the show, but wonder if it's going resonate with similar themes on this board with MLC and D, the way Sex/Lives did with affairs and wayward mindset.
I have been watching it but I don't think it is as blatant as the first one.
Although maybe I am just numb to all this stuff.

Edit - the thing I don't like is that they speak french and have subtitles so it takes lots of concentration to watch it.
Of course that is only with one couple and the rest are all speaking English.

Last edited by Cadet; 09/09/21 07:27 PM.

Me-67, D35,S34
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