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A Message from Michele
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Steve_ Offline OP
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I have a feeling EW and OM will crash and fallout again, there is too much drama going on for those two. But thats not my problem, that is theirs. Either way me and the kids will be fine and that's all i need to worry about.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2018
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Steve_, good to see you doing so well! Keep up the good work.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Steve_ Offline OP
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So the EW settled down a lot after things with her OM and I were patched up. (Tbh I couldn’t care less bout him, I’m thankful for that dude and I feel bad for him tbh).

Anyhow I am packing up my apartment, the EW is gonna (officially) move back In with OM. I’m going to go stay with the IL’s for a couple months and really save some $ and pay some things off. They are happy about it because I’ll get to see my kids every single day and also they are taking more and more trips out to AZ where they will be moving to within a year or so. This way the grandparents don’t have to deal with the stress of watching these kids all the time and I get them every day. Not to mention I will be able to really erase some debt and save some money in the next couple months.

The IL’s Even started going to the same church I do. I go at 9 with the kids and they go at 11. But it’s been great. I had to hang in there that things would get better, believe in it and pray for it and so far things are really turning around. I won’t live in la la land and I’ll keep ready to document anything that goes sideways but for now things are finally looking up and moving on.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 427
Likes: 3
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Steve_,

Glad things are looking up. I'm big into personal finance and like the "erase debt and save money? mantra! However...what does "IL" stand for? If it's in-laws, do you really want to move in with with ExW's parents? That seems potentially uncomfortable and maybe a way to keep Ex on the hook?


Me:39 Ex-W:36
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:2
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Oh as far as that is concerned the IL's are super supportive of me, they have been through this whole thing. Once the Ex moved out the FIL sort of mentioned he would appreciate if I would come back and help with the kids and the electric bill until they moved out of state, he knows maintaining my own place on my own income is tough and its hard to save much extra so it works out great. I get to see my kids every day, save money, pay off things and help them out with their power bill. They have been spending more and more time in the new home, they have completed it and just are waiting for the right time to finally move away.

As far as the ex is concered there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I will EVER consider recon with her. After this past year of healing from this, realizing I deserve better, and being active with god so much more there is just no way I could ever go backward. I really cannot ever see a happy and fulfilling life with her.

Yesterday I went to the IL's for my sons birthday party she threw for him to help bring over pizzas and clean the pool and stuff for my son's buddies. I saw all the families we used to hang out with 2 years ago before covid. Almost all of them gave me a knowing kinda nod and were really nice. My sons soccer coach told me "I dont know the story, but I know the facts, if you need anything let me know bro, I can pick him up or anything If mom doesnt bring him to practice/games" I thanked him. The EW was neutral, mostly pleasant, the day was easy.

I went to a church after work to talk to a pastor about where I stand with god post-divorce. I told him the ex's affairs began 9months after we got married and she left this time for good. I asked him also because I wanted to know if my only shot at being married in a church and having that family and dream I wanted all these years was kinda blown now. The pastor mentioned that mostly catholic churches are the ones that dont allow it. But he told me based on what happened that as far as scripture that once adultery is commited the marriage is nullified in gods eyes regardless of the legal standpoint. He told me that he would me more than willing to give me counseling and if the time ever came to marry me to someone (in the church) he told me that although hanging in there and trying to reconcile for years after the 1st affair was never neccesary to fullfill my vows that god would bless me for not giving up and that even if I cant get that time back he will bless me in the future for hanging in there. It felt really good, I started to feel like "damaged goods" being divorced, that was a huge weight off my back and I felt a lot better about my future going forward.

Otherwise things are looking great! Kids are happy life is alright


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,649
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Living with the ex-in-laws is not a great idea Steve. Think it through. And I'm not saying they aren't great folks either.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Living with the ex-in-laws is not a great idea Steve. Think it through. And I'm not saying they aren't great folks either.

This * infinity.

Moving back in with them is a huge step backwards. No matter how you rationalize it.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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I can understand you guys point of view here. During the M the EW and I stayed with them for a couple years off and on. They have a huge house, includes seperate living rooms and bathrooms etc.
The EW will be completely gone and moved out and she will just be coming by to pick them up, even better if I am not home when she does it I get to interact with her 0%. My kids will be staying there full-time as EW doesnt want them to move in with OM and her yet so that means I get to see them daily. And if things get shaky or dont work out I have several friends who offered me to stay with them for a little while until I can save the money up for a little nicer bigger place than I had. The place I was in was pretty small and it was where EW and OM moved to and I was just wanting to go elsewhere.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
S
Steve_ Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
An update on other things:

Work is going great, doing 6 days a week, I drop my kids off to school head into work then leave work and pick them up and take them home, since we are so short staffed they dont mind and the extra income is a blessing.

Church going well, my GF and I exchange sermons with each other from our churches we attend and talk about them later, it really helps us get to know each other's values and so on.

My daughter was refusing to work on her writing, getting frustrated about it, today she got an award for making so much progress, she has been writing really well! Going back to actual school has been great for her. My son continues to go to soccer and he really enjoys it, while I have them out there at practice my D gets to play on the playground, its really nice.

My EW discussed enrolling them both in Jiu-Jitsu, they went with a cousin for a day to try it out and LOVED it. She told me she will use some of the CS I pay for that its $200 a month for the both of them.

My GF mentioned to me the other day she would consider moving over here if that came down to making the R work out. But for now we are staying that distance apart and working on ourselves. She is going to take me deep-sea fishing for my birthday next week, I have never been. Going to spend a couple days with her.

Called the L to check the progess of the D, covid has slowed everything down to a snail pace. But the default judgment is entered, I am legally divorced, I have only to wait the several months for the rubber stamp and filing and so forth. I cant get remarried until then (which is absolutely fine lol). They can take thier time with that. The L also told me since he represented both of us if she wanted to change terms on me she would need a new L and a whole new 5,000$ plus retainer and would have to wait until the judgment was stamped, so there is literally jack squat she can do. He reccomended I just chuckle and hang up and dont sweat it.

Life is going well, things will always have ups and downs but Im okay with that and because of God, friends, family and people like you guys to help with some guard rails (I know ive been stubborn but I have gradually gotten better) I look forward to a bright future and realize its totally possible, it wont be easy but I feel like I can get there!


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 238
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Called the L to check the progess of the D, covid has slowed everything down to a snail pace. But the default judgment is entered, I am legally divorced, I have only to wait the several months for the rubber stamp and filing and so forth.

This is great since it will allow you to look ahead without drama and distractions.


Great to hear things are good overall. Keep moving forward!

Last edited by MLCxH; 09/30/21 06:57 PM.
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