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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Mar 2019
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Steve_ Offline OP
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LH I dont think you understand. You have become so jaded you are not listening to what Im saying you are interpreting it in a personal way.

I do not want my XW back. She is not a good person. She continues to display that constantly. The disrespect she throws around at anyone who stands in her way is insane. All I was asking was if that others have had similar feelings and about how long they dealt with it.

I am not playing a damn game. This is not about getting my XW back. I am not a moron she is never ever ever going to respect me as a man especially if I went back to her after the horrors she did to me. I am better off alone with my kids than with her. This is not about that. It was about asking something else.

My GF knows exactly whats going on. She is dealing with her own reality, me having kids, an ex that is just a sh*tty person, and her own things. This has nothing to do with her this is my process to walk through. I am done posting here. I suppose the point of this board is to help save marriages but regurgitating Corey Waynes dating advice and personal jaded feelings is getting old. I read his book I watch his videos. And the man is in his older age playing the game with no wife, no kids, no family and no legacy except notches in a bed post. I dont want that for me. And Im not trying to save this marriage. I was asking about life after its over and moving on. I think its time to look for support elsewhere. Had I DB properly at the beginning this process would have happened faster and yes I probably could have saved this M. But Im glad I did not. Its not worth it. And if I took any advice from this board or walk away with anything its that I am glad this divorce did not get busted. But coming here for advice post divorce and getting the opposite is useless.

Thanks for your efforts I hope you can help someone with a M worth saving. Now I see why so few people save Ms in divorce. That explains the inactivity on those boards.

-cheers


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Oh and thanks Cwarrior your first response was actually appropriate,

gigi123 thanks for answering the question I was actually asking without assuming or inferring 20 other things.
I find that the universe reminds me for sure but if I give her a day or two she does something just as bad and cements that more and more. I wish you happiness in your future endeavors.

Take care folks


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,942
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Steve,

Youre are right I am jaded because Ive seen families destroyed on this board for 6 years now. This $hit is now being glorified on Netflix on how you can have it all. Theres a guy on here now whose W left him because he got sick. So yeah Im jaded! So I dont have a soft spot for WWs like your ex wife. What I am also is good at spotting BS when I read it. Apparently Im not the only one who sees it. If you would have came here and asked if it was normal to miss your intact family from time to time I would have answered you yes and that feeling may never go away. Im three years past d and it still hits me from time to time. But you had to add in how your ex had broken up with another guy and blah,blah,blah and you are going to move away with her so to me its obvious where your heads at right now.

Corey Waynes personal life has nothing to do with anything. His views on boundaries and self respect are what I am interested in.

You could have dbed until the cows came home and you had at best a .0001% of saving your marriage Steve. Thats the honest truth.

Dont leave the board because of me. I will never post to you again. Years down the road you will see I had your best interest at heart. You just cant see it right now.
,


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
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Steve, but sure why you'd leave the board? Why get so defensive and upset? Either the advice/feedback you get is spot on or it's not. Getting upset over another poster's opinion isn't going to solve anything. You're feelings about your XW are typical and normal. Dating before you've processed that and dealt with the emotional baggage is not. That's called trying to shortcut the process. Disagreeing with that is your right, but why you'd leave the board over that being pointed out seems rash and a bit immature.

If you do leave, peace. Everyone here wants nothing but the best for you!


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2020
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No need to get upset. Either take the advice in stride or ignore it.

As far as the blow back you received its because you said your STBXW was moving and youd be fine moving with her. Thats a massive red flag with your question.

Are your feelings of grieving the end of your marriage normal. Absolutely. Are your feelings of being ok to move hours away with her normal. No.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
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Why would you follow a woman who changes her mind from minute to minute. Shes manic. You still feel some sort of need to fix her . You are still extremely codependent on her. And you are trying to skip the actual process. Your kids need serious stability . Their mom is all over the place and their dad wants to follow her. How is that solid and healthy? I dont understand.

You can miss what you thought things were. But you still are emotionally attached to her.

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Hey Steve,

I would encourage you to keep posting. You get to decide which advice makes sense and which advice doesnt.

If you decide to leave the board, I wish you nothing but the best.

Take care.

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I believe Elvis has left the building. Too bad. Rarely have we seen a poster more in need of serious IC (I would have even suggested psychiatric treatment for Steve_), and continued posting BEFORE he made decisions.

The problem with Steve_ has always been his cycle:

- Decides what he wants to do then does it.
- When it isn't working comes to the board asking for advice.
- Gets plenty of advice (more than most LBSs here!).
- Spends several posts saying why the advice is bad, doesn't apply, or the poster giving the advice is flawed.
- Disappears for a week or two.
- Rinse, repeat.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 337
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Originally Posted by SteveLW
I believe Elvis has left the building. Too bad. Rarely have we seen a poster more in need of serious IC (I would have even suggested psychiatric treatment for Steve_), and continued posting BEFORE he made decisions.



I think Steve would disagrea with you ! - His reply to me when i questioned his rationa was:

Originally Posted by Steve

I remind you I am a psych nurse



Originally Posted by SteveLW

The problem with Steve_ has always been his cycle:

- Decides what he wants to do then does it.
- When it isn't working comes to the board asking for advice.
- Gets plenty of advice (more than most LBSs here!).
- Spends several posts saying why the advice is bad, doesn't apply, or the poster giving the advice is flawed.
- Disappears for a week or two.
- Rinse, repeat.


I suspect Steve will be back soon. Steve needs to realise that not one person here is out to hurt or harm him - We all spend our own time posting and offering advice to aid him. We all want to see him come out the other side happier, with his children in a good place.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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Originally Posted by MrBrside
Originally Posted by SteveLW
I believe Elvis has left the building. Too bad. Rarely have we seen a poster more in need of serious IC (I would have even suggested psychiatric treatment for Steve_), and continued posting BEFORE he made decisions.



I think Steve would disagrea with you ! - His reply to me when i questioned his rationa was:

Originally Posted by Steve

I remind you I am a psych nurse




Probably. But that is like being a customer service rep at a service department of the dealership and driving a car with a flat tire, smoking from being low and oil, and missing a muffler. And then when someone says "He you, need to take your car in for service" your response is: "I remind you that I am a customer service rep at a dealership service department!"

That is great. But it doesn't me you don't need to have your car serviced!

The fact that Steve_ is a psych nurse makes me even more adamant that he needs mental health care. That is a stressful job. On top of his combat PTSD and his PTSD from years of abuse at the hands of one of the worst WWs we've ever seen, he needs psychiatric care as much as his patents do!!!


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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