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A Message from Michele
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#2921100 07/09/21 06:51 PM
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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2918964&page=11 link to old thread.


Just wanted to ask the crew here about some things that have been on my mind lately.

-I find myself still caring about WW. I dont mean that I miss her and want to be with her, I know that would be an extremely poor decision. There has been unrepairable damage and the absolute best thing is for us to move on. Mayyyyybe be friends some day. But I am concerned because of her poor decision making, she tends to catapault herself into men's nonsense head first. She is now broken hearted and spinning since the OM she left me for didnt work out (DUH) and she wants to move several hours away. I am okay with moving there its closer to my family. I told her to take a couple months and go, see if its what she really wants. Otherwise im just gonna set roots down and apply for these career jobs I want. One of us has to be stable for the kids so thats on me for sure.

I guess my question is: Is it normal to have some kind of thoughts sometimes that you miss the idea of what should have been? Still love the person, wish it went different. Even though you know logically its impossible and a terrible idea and I would never want to feel those things she did to me again, the disrespect the repeated infidelity, and im 1000% happier now. But occasionally I get a strange feeling of sadness over how this all went down. September will be a year since she left for OM. I know eventually Ill be totally over it. And like I said im much much happier now, I have my self confidence back, my value as a man and a father and even as a nurse. I feel like my life will be great and my kids will be great. Sometimes I just worry about what is gonna happen to the WW and the kids now. The nuclear family being lost, etc etc. It causes me a little sadness once in awhile.

Its mostly when Im alone, when the kids are with her or the in laws. And the in laws are great no issue there just guess sometimes when I sit on my couch for a little while I occasionally get some reality depression or something once or twice a week. The IC said thats normal and thats the last stage of grief, which is acceptance, but I wanted to hear what yall have to say.

Last edited by Steve_; 07/09/21 06:54 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Is it normal to have some kind of thoughts sometimes that you miss the idea of what should have been? Still love the person, wish it went different. Even though you know logically its impossible and a terrible idea and I would never want to feel those things she did to me again, the disrespect the repeated infidelity, and im 1000% happier now. But occasionally I get a strange feeling of sadness over how this all went down.

It's normal to grieve, to bounce between denial, anger, bargaining, depression before reaching acceptance. Sitting with the feelings and finding ways to express them can be helpful.



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Steve unfortunately again you are trying to shortcut the process. Your little love affair is fizzling out on you. You have tried everything possible to manipulate your W back to no avail and now you are cycling into depression. You are the most attached LBS we have ever had except for maybe Curtis. I told you minimum two years before you would get over your ex and that's with intense therapy. Does your girlfriend know how you feel? Is she ok with it?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
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“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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Originally Posted by LH19
Your little love affair is fizzling out on you. Does your girlfriend know how you feel?

LH19, sometimes, I admire your bluntness! My guess was the same. Steve, if so, it's healthy. A little space is just what the doctor ordered to confront and deal with the emotions from your XW leaving you.

Originally Posted by Steve_
im 1000% happier now.

It's also okay if you're not 1000x happier. I suspect I'm only 3.14x happier, or maybe 42x happier. In many ways I'm stronger and doing better since my XGF and I are over, in some ways I struggle to make and maintain positive changes in my life. I'm seeing my therapist Monday to work on that. (:



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Steve, its been nearly 16 months for H and I, and every now and again, when kids ask me to tell them funny stories of their dad and i or our time as a family, i feel sadness, crushed hopes, questions of what could have been…..i personally think its totally normal. Im not tempted to txt or phone, but i let the feelings be and then they go. I mean they really dont last long and if they linger i find that the universe remind me very quickly of what H has become.

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Originally Posted by Gigi123
Steve, its been nearly 16 months for H and I, and every now and again, when kids ask me to tell them funny stories of their dad and i or our time as a family, i feel sadness, crushed hopes, questions of what could have been…..i personally think its totally normal. Im not tempted to txt or phone, but i let the feelings be and then they go. I mean they really dont last long and if they linger i find that the universe remind me very quickly of what H has become.

I'd bet money these are not the feelings Steve is talking about.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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Your most likely right LH, theres a difference between sadness and being prepared to take someone back at the drop of a hat. Im way past that now. In fact im not even sure what H would need to do to get some sort of spot back in my life. I find my life peaceful the less i interact with him, he still gives me anxiety.

LH19 #2921129 07/10/21 02:24 AM
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Originally Posted by LH19
Steve unfortunately again you are trying to shortcut the process. Your little love affair is fizzling out on you. You have tried everything possible to manipulate your W back to no avail and now you are cycling into depression. You are the most attached LBS we have ever had except for maybe Curtis. I told you minimum two years before you would get over your ex and that's with intense therapy. Does your girlfriend know how you feel? Is she ok with it?


LH can be harsh, but we were all thinking this. Steve, Curtis, and Wolf are the three that stand out that haven't properly DB'd, and it's painfully obvious. Steve, I have hopes that you might see the light, but I'm afraid that your going to cave for the instant gratification. When you say things like "maybe we can be friends some day," just why? 6-7 time cheater. Steve, you deserve better. Know your value. There are a few people that are just better off divorcing their spouse and moving on with their life. You are one of those people. Don't look back. You can thank us in ten years.

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by LH19
Your little love affair is fizzling out on you. Does your girlfriend know how you feel?

LH19, sometimes, I admire your bluntness! My guess was the same. Steve, if so, it's healthy. A little space is just what the doctor ordered to confront and deal with the emotions from your XW leaving you.

Originally Posted by Steve_
im 1000% happier now.

It's also okay if you're not 1000x happier. I suspect I'm only 3.14x happier, or maybe 42x happier. In many ways I'm stronger and doing better since my XGF and I are over, in some ways I struggle to make and maintain positive changes in my life. I'm seeing my therapist Monday to work on that. (:


Pi and a HGTTG reference all in one post! Well played, CW!


M(52), W(53),D(17)
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Originally Posted by harvey
Originally Posted by LH19
Steve unfortunately again you are trying to shortcut the process. Your little love affair is fizzling out on you. You have tried everything possible to manipulate your W back to no avail and now you are cycling into depression. You are the most attached LBS we have ever had except for maybe Curtis. I told you minimum two years before you would get over your ex and that's with intense therapy. Does your girlfriend know how you feel? Is she ok with it?


LH can be harsh, but we were all thinking this. Steve, Curtis, and Wolf are the three that stand out that haven't properly DB'd, and it's painfully obvious. Steve, I have hopes that you might see the light, but I'm afraid that your going to cave for the instant gratification. When you say things like "maybe we can be friends some day," just why? 6-7 time cheater. Steve, you deserve better. Know your value. There are a few people that are just better off divorcing their spouse and moving on with their life. You are one of those people. Don't look back. You can thank us in ten years.

If that’s harsh then this board is getting really soft. Steve what I am trying to convey is that I know what you are up to and trying to do. It just doesn’t work. Nothing you do is going to change her mind. Attraction is not a choice. She doesn’t have it for you and most likely never will until you really actually give up. My point is for you to be honest and come to the board and speak honestly. If you want to stand then stand. Don’t bring other people into it. If you want to break the changes we can help you with that too. What you are currently doing is going to bring you a lot of pain for a really long time.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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