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Gigi123 Offline OP
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Hey Steve

Things are well though, work is busy, i can earn a bit more by doinh additional hours on the days boys are with H. I cant say GAL on my own is excessive, bit i always take the time to look after myself and sometimes it means being on my own and listening to some good music, a podcast or a lecture. I do miss companionship, but the thought of dating isnt appealing at all at the moment.
I dont really know what do people feel or at shat stage do you think you are ready to let someone into your life and eventually into your children's lives.

H and I continue having disagreements about things, but they dont affect me much, i meant its irritating, but it doesnt throw my day or ruin my mood for a week. I need about 20 minutes or so, to just calm my emotions a bit and i get on with my day. I realised some ago that i dont hold a grudge against him, ive forgiven him and i really judge him by his actions now and he can be a right irritant.

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Hi everyone, we are getting into holiday season and i know this time can be tough, so hang in there.

Things are pretty busy in my household, good overall. I have expressed to H my concern re s8 and that im considering counselling for him in the new year. That seems to have done the trick, he is much more accommodating of S8 needs and he even brought him home a day early bevause s8 asked for it. We did have a number if incidents prior to this where s8 got really anxious about going with H and said to me mama please help. It was heartbreaking in all honesty and im afraid i had to step in and he stayed at home in the end. But since my very brief convo with H things are smoother.
We were due to meet for coffee to start some conversations around next steps re finances etc, but he was no show…which is pretty normal.

As the time goes on i realise that the last 18 months of our marriage was so dysfunctional, the anxiety i felt being around him, he was constantly angry and unhappy and snapping at kids, i became similar. Im so calm and patient now days, we had an incident today and it transpired that kids are going to theatre with the school and H booked the same show for the weekend. I know full well he blames me and he is irritated and previously i would have tried to explain myself, make things better, he would have been irritated noticeably which would cause me treading on egg shells.
Today, albeit finding this a little amusing, i realised that i dont need to justify myself, i didnt feel anxious, i did nothing wrong. He didnt communicate with me, and he gets the same comms from the school about all events as i do. So i felt at peace with this situation.
It will be 2 years in March and i just hope that one day very soon, his impact on my life will be non existent.

Vaccination programme is ramping up which means longer working days for me and more pay. Its timely, as Xmas hols always end up being expensive. Im looking forward to paying off a couple of things by March and i will be pretty much debt free, except the mortgage of course.

Happy Holidays everyone!

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Do you ever get days that are just not perfect, you know late start, kids not fully well, things out of control. Well this morning was a little bit of that, s8 had a fever yesterday and felt unwell, s6 was just overly emotional and cried about everything. H was picking them up this morning, S8 wasnt feeling well, didnt want to go,S6 found some sweets and ate them, i dont really have any sweet stuff at home, but with the festivities these sweets seem to be appearing at home after every event.
So h arrives, S6 suddenly turns crazy, S8 sobs and runs into his bedroom.
I get blamed for all of it, that they spend all of their time playing on ipads, eat sweets etc. I get a really long txt message about this, how unhealthy that is and blah blah blah.

I dont always agree with Hs parenting and the fact that on a school days s6 is allowed to play xbox in the morning before school, of the fact he will buy them fanta or anything else of sort. Do i complain? No, not once have i said a word.

I wont see the boys until Thursday now, which makes me sad, however im working long hours whilst i can and then we are flying out to see my family for the holidays.

Could i have been more organised this morning, possibly, its been a very long week and its Sunday, kids were up in the night and we all rolled out of bed late. I frankly dont care what he thinks about my parenting, i just felt it was uncalled for and i dont want someone bringing this negativity into my life constantly. Just feeling sorry for myself

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Originally Posted by Gigi123
Hi everyone, we are getting into holiday season and i know this time can be tough, so hang in there.

Things are pretty busy in my household, good overall. I have expressed to H my concern re s8 and that im considering counselling for him in the new year. That seems to have done the trick, he is much more accommodating of S8 needs and he even brought him home a day early bevause s8 asked for it. We did have a number if incidents prior to this where s8 got really anxious about going with H and said to me mama please help. It was heartbreaking in all honesty and im afraid i had to step in and he stayed at home in the end. But since my very brief convo with H things are smoother.
We were due to meet for coffee to start some conversations around next steps re finances etc, but he was no show…which is pretty normal.

As the time goes on i realise that the last 18 months of our marriage was so dysfunctional, the anxiety i felt being around him, he was constantly angry and unhappy and snapping at kids, i became similar. Im so calm and patient now days, we had an incident today and it transpired that kids are going to theatre with the school and H booked the same show for the weekend. I know full well he blames me and he is irritated and previously i would have tried to explain myself, make things better, he would have been irritated noticeably which would cause me treading on egg shells.
Today, albeit finding this a little amusing, i realised that i dont need to justify myself, i didnt feel anxious, i did nothing wrong. He didnt communicate with me, and he gets the same comms from the school about all events as i do. So i felt at peace with this situation.
It will be 2 years in March and i just hope that one day very soon, his impact on my life will be non existent.

Vaccination programme is ramping up which means longer working days for me and more pay. Its timely, as Xmas hols always end up being expensive. Im looking forward to paying off a couple of things by March and i will be pretty much debt free, except the mortgage of course.

Happy Holidays everyone!

sounds like you're handling things pretty well Gigi, kudos to you friend. Taking the high road and being mature definitely isn't easy in these situations so well done!


Me: 41 W:42
T: 14 M: 11
S: 6

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Originally Posted by Gigi123
Do you ever get days that are just not perfect, you know late start, kids not fully well, things out of control. Well this morning was a little bit of that, s8 had a fever yesterday and felt unwell, s6 was just overly emotional and cried about everything. H was picking them up this morning, S8 wasnt feeling well, didnt want to go,S6 found some sweets and ate them, i dont really have any sweet stuff at home, but with the festivities these sweets seem to be appearing at home after every event.
So h arrives, S6 suddenly turns crazy, S8 sobs and runs into his bedroom.
I get blamed for all of it, that they spend all of their time playing on ipads, eat sweets etc. I get a really long txt message about this, how unhealthy that is and blah blah blah.

I dont always agree with Hs parenting and the fact that on a school days s6 is allowed to play xbox in the morning before school, of the fact he will buy them fanta or anything else of sort. Do i complain? No, not once have i said a word.

I wont see the boys until Thursday now, which makes me sad, however im working long hours whilst i can and then we are flying out to see my family for the holidays.

Could i have been more organised this morning, possibly, its been a very long week and its Sunday, kids were up in the night and we all rolled out of bed late. I frankly dont care what he thinks about my parenting, i just felt it was uncalled for and i dont want someone bringing this negativity into my life constantly. Just feeling sorry for myself

Sorry you had a tough morning, especially then getting the hard time from the H. Go easy on yourself, single parenting is hard at the best of times. You sound like you're doing a stellar job. Hope you enjoy the xmas time!


Me: 41 W:42
T: 14 M: 11
S: 6

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Hi all,

Thought i will post an update. Things are ok. And i think im ok with being just ok.

We had an offer on the house, so in house hunting for boys and I
Work is busy, boys are good. They seem to be happy enough going to dads.
Unfortunately out co parenting isnt going great and we had a huge argument today.
Basically i was blamed for everything, apparently i take to long to say good bye to the kids, i linger to long, i show up at school when its not my day (its was my day, he was the one who showed up)
I was told this is the exact reason, why my marriage failed etc. Why we are talking about my marriage 2 years on i dont know.

I have signed up to a dating app, but i dont have time, i just realise that unless i meet someone through work, trying to integrate some sort of dating into my life is pretty difficult.

H is going away on holiday for 10 days, so in really pleased about spending all this time with my kids.

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Hi everyone, so many new names, which just made me feel sad, i wish these things didnt happen to anyone at all. That the kids didnt have to grow up in two homes and be under pressure to choose where to go.

I wonder if i could get some perspective, i know you will be honest with me. On occasion i will be in a situation whereby its H and His partner (as he calls her) and I, so most often it happens at a kids club. Im obviously there for my kids, he seems to insist on bringing her and has approached me on numerous occasions to ask to say hello to her etc. i dont really know how it started, but we have never really spoken, i concentrate on the kids, they sit seperately from me together. None of them say hello to me either, not H or her. I think a couple of years ago she might have tried and i blanked her. And this is just how it goes, i know that this is my issue, however after a convo with H im concerned that this will become and issue for my kids, particularly s6, he has a gold relationship with her. And has started asking why dont i speak to her and has given me the talk about we have to be nice to people around us if we want them to like us (my personal opinion-i certainly dont live to be liked by everyone around me) as-the kids are getting older, but i suppose not old enough, i dont want this to be an issue for my relationship with the kids and somehow create them and us, it often feels like that anyway, because im on my own and H is with someone and it sort of creates a feel of a family unit there i guess, although kids dont see her as family.
So my question is mainly around how do you interact or not with your exs other half?

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Originally Posted by Gigi
So my question is mainly around how do you interact or not with your exs other half?
I don't. My XGF and I both set firm boundaries around that.

My XGF, when XH came to pick her D up, would send D out the door to XH's car. In this way she didn't see XH or his new GF for years at a time. No "acting nice" or "acting mean". My XW had one partner who often drove with her to pickup the kids. One day she asked me if I'd like to meet him and I saw the passenger door opening. I said "No", turned around and walked towards my home. To this day I have no idea what he looked like. These are stable configurations lasting 10+ years.

Originally Posted by Gigi
most often it happens at a kids club. Im obviously there for my kids,
I understand big events--talent show performances, piano recitals, etc--but if this is a regular weekly thing, could you go on your days and them on his days? Given these interactions are causing you stress?

If it's important to regularly go to the same events, yes, I'm with your son, you don't have to be chatty but be polite to her. Treat people as you would like to be treated. Treat her like that Starbucks Barista. It's common to project our anger onto our ex's partners, but she didn't break any promises to you--he did. It sounds like she's doing a good job building a relationship with your little one. That's one more person your little one can lean on when they're struggling.

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I like the idea of not ever seeing her or anyone else for that matter smile

The weekly club is an opportunity for me to see my kids extra time, i dont really want to give it up and i enjoy watching them progress as well.

Would it be worth speaking to the kids about this? This has come from H, and unfortunately he has a tendency to tell half truths or manipulate situations. S6 has adhd and he processes information in a certain way also, and if presented with something in a certain way he will repeat that to people. So his words to me around being nice to everyone so he is liked probably come from H, s6 can be incredibly unkind and cruel himself to others due go his Adhd which affects his behaviour and ability to control his emotions. S8 on the contrary is kind and considerate but has previously said he couldn't care less if i speak to her.


I want to be adult about this, but im stuck on how to move forward with this considering that we havent spoken in over 2 years.

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I think each sitch is different. Was she actively cheating with your H while you two were married? If so, I would not interact.

In my case, I met my lady while they were in the final stages of the divorce process. I have attended daddy daughter dances with her X, their daughter who lived with me full time and my daughter. We sit together and we are civil.

My X wife ignores me and my lady. Its only been 10 years...


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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