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Steve_ Offline OP
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Yes the D is over.

And MLCxH and R2C

That is why I am here. Again I wasnt looking for an R but thats what happened. I want to make sure if there is a shot to do this the right way BEFORE it goes sideways I want to do my best.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Yes the D is over.

And MLCxH and R2C

That is why I am here. Again I wasnt looking for an R but thats what happened. I want to make sure if there is a shot to do this the right way BEFORE it goes sideways I want to do my best.


Steve_, you make it sound like you have no choice in the new R. The new R didn't just happen, you consciously went into it with both eyes open.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Steve_ Offline OP
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That is correct Steve.

I Just wanna keep my eyes open this time.


Happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: May 2019
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Originally Posted by SteveLW


Steve_, you make it sound like you have no choice in the new R. The new R didn't just happen, you consciously went into it with both eyes open.


Yes, but that is something in the past and is not something that can be easily reversed at this time.

Originally Posted by Steve_
That is correct Steve.

I Just wanna keep my eyes open this time.



Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes what appears as a mistake to others may actually be the right thing for you. I know an LBS who got into another relationship within weeks of separation and when divorce proceedings were still in progress and is now engaged to the new partner and happy. He got lucky and the chips just seemed to line up.

But it is good that you have the right attitude and keep your eyes open since you will not always be lucky smile

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Originally Posted by MLCxH
Originally Posted by SteveLW


Steve_, you make it sound like you have no choice in the new R. The new R didn't just happen, you consciously went into it with both eyes open.


Yes, but that is something in the past and is not something that can be easily reversed at this time.



Steve_ has shown a penchant for retreating from and not facing reality. He does this sometimes by rewriting history. Rewriting history then excuses his future actions related to the subject at hand. By stating a new R "just happened" removes the responsibility from him knowing he shouldn't already be in a new R. My point in pointing out to him that he consciously started a new R is an effort to show him that he can also recognize that he has the power to end it for the right reasons if he wanted to.

He probably won't, but recognizing that he CAN is still important.


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Steve_, it's never too late to stop most of your risky behaviors around your kids re: your new GF. After asking for advice, about 8 different people said, "Woah, hold on there!" It's your circus, your monkeys. Realize you can take risks with your own heart to fill whatever holes are there without exposing your children.


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Just a check in. I fully expect 2x4's to hit so dont be shy, I can take it.

Spent 4 days with my GF for her birthday down in San Diego. It was super nice, she was really happy. She continued to tell me how she appreciates the fact that I communicate with her, how I am so easy going and unbothered by the little things that would set off her ex's before. And how this is her first birthday trip in years that she had left happier and not wondering why she is with her partner. I got her small gifts mostly things I made, nothing extravagant, she absolutely adored them because of the thought I put into them.

We discussed the potential for the incoming EW meltdown, she told me she really wants to see me draw more healthy boundaries with my EW such as not helping her with anything and being there only for medical emergencies. She told me I am free to do whatever I want, and she will be patient and understand if there is a process but that is what she wants me to work toward. I told her that she was 100% correct. And that I have cut off everything except I did assist the EW with setting up her homework for her degree and helped her get started because I believed her getting an education and real job would be beneficial to the children. GF agreed that it seemed like a good thing to do, and she understands that I try to be a patient and temperant person but she told me that my EW will use any small attachment to manipulate and wanted me to be aware of that. I took my 5 hour drive home and she went home and I considered what she said, but mostly that she will support whatever process I need to do, but I need to do it for ME not for her, and she made that really clear. She is again 1000% correct.

EW called me up yesterday about the children, she said she was out of town to go to the airport to pick up my SIL from her trip here overseas and asked if I could watch the kids an extra day (one of her days) I told her sure, no problem. Any extra time with my kids is great. And lately the kids and I are bonding more and more and they are starting to really like being here with me over going to the MIL's place. EW then informed me that she would be having to move soon, find and apartment and its because the IL's are going to sell the house and move away. (I saw this coming, they dont trust her and they shouldnt). She lamented, cried, and essentially said she hopes I break up with my GF because she is so jealous that I am happy. She also tried to deter me from continuing with my GF telling me "the kids will not like it, they are not going to like anyone but me, trust me I tried that with OM and it went badly, so dont get your hopes up to move on" I stopped her there and said "listen, first off I dont need advice from you on my relationship, its going great and I am happy, second, over the last 3 months I have asked the children how they would feel if daddy moved on, went out with another woman, and I let them have an opinion on what I am doing. The kids even made a list of what they wanted for me to have from a different woman. They have not met my GF, its only been 4 months for us, we are thinking we need to wait a longer for things to calm down, and to be sure of our R before the children meet her. And yes the chilren are still super mad about you moving them out so quickly with OM, they had no choice. This time I have involved them in my life, let them voice how they feel, and they are excited and happy for me, they want to meet her but it isnt time. I am not going to do what you did, its too detrimental." She scoffed and then I told her "Also, I will not be assisting you with your schooling, or anything if you do move, It is not appropriate to be involved in your life as a spouse would since I am no longer your spouse, and honestly it is disrepectful to my relationship. But if there is any medical emergency or custody issues I am here 100%. She just scoffed again and said "okay bye".

Had an amazing morning, I have to admit that ever since I have really let god take over my life and began minimizing contact with the EW things have gotten so good for me and so effortless. I work, pay my bills and have great quality time with my kids. Cleaned up my diet and still making progress in the gym, I just bagged up all my XXL shirts and am going to donate them. Im between a L and XL now. I applied for some more state jobs today and a couple nursing jobs with Kaiser Permanente (its an amazing employer for nurses) so im really looking forward to that. I got a letter from the attorneys office today letting me know that everything was accepted by the court the default judgment was accepted a month ago and he will be sending me the final paperwork shortly so I can have my dissolusion on hand.

My MIL called me up and asked If i could help her file her EDD for her unemployment, I knew something was wrong because she never calls me. She was in tears. Turns out she wanted to inform me that she would never throw the kids out of the home that way, the EW was lying, they planned on renting the home to her and she is pissed off at her whole family right now and refuses to go home or talk to anyone. She essentially got caught on camera at her MIL's home bringing over OM she left me for (that she allegedly broke up with 2x now) when they were not around. Funny, her OM caught on about the new millionare OM and told her to decide. Current OM actually called her new celebrity OM and told him WTF buddy.... then he left her in the hotel room and dumped her. Now she is essentially using the celebrity OM to get her apartment here in town (per her mom). I cannot help but laugh so so hard. She leaves me for OM, he leaves his wife, loses everything, OM's EW even filed a restraining order on him and he lost his kids, and my EW is messing around on him with a friend of his that is a celebrity..... Karma.... just ... Karma.

My IL's my children, all my friends and everyone in my life is so excited for me, so happy and so thankful I am out of that M. Every day I wake up on my couch or in my bed and I am greatful that god took me out of that, that my only worry in the world is taking care of my kids and finding a great career now and growing my finances. And to top it off I have a woman in my life who is patient, understanding, has a great career, and gives me really good support and advice.

I walk with caution, I keep my eyes open, I believe nothing the EW says or does, and I expect the games to continue, but I actually just laugh about it, because I know for a fact I will be 100% okay.


Last edited by Steve_; 06/29/21 08:22 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
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Originally Posted by Steve_
I fully expect 2x4's to hit so dont be shy, I can take it.

You take less than 1% of advice, so no point. I'll simply repeat what I've said before--your kids don't need to know about your interactions with your XW, GFs, etc. Save them that drama and trauma. During your custody period focus 100% on them. During your ex's custody period act if a minimum level of care is not being met. I will read your update shortly out of interest and care and wish you well. (:

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I have been sort of following your story, but perhaps missed some details. Still too much emphasis on xw, who cares which om and how and where.

Can i just urge you to speak with caution about your gf to your kids. Theory and reality are two different things. This is a personal example of course, h and i havent been together for 15 months, ow was introduced to kids from day 1 as a friend and then slowly progressed from there, kids actually like her. Well as much as you can like someone who as they perceive has nothing to do with their family. So my s7 has this story in his head how ow moves back with her parents and is no longer with H….he does not want to be cuddled or kissed by her, as far as he is concerned she is a stranger and he would much prefer if H lived alone because he doesnt feel comfortable in H home with essentially a stranger there. All kids are different, but there seriously is no rush in somehow bringing your personal life into your childrens life.

Last edited by Gigi123; 06/29/21 08:46 PM.
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I didnt tell my kids about my GF my EW did. Was no point in not including them in my life once they were told. Again I still dont plan on introducing them any time soon. That was fired off without my choice. Im working with what I got here, making the best of the cards I been dealt.

Last edited by Steve_; 06/29/21 09:14 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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