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Originally Posted by LH19
Ok lets play this out for $hits and giggles.

W: Bent this D is all your fault. When we were married you always left the cap off the fuching tooth paste, you left your fuching smelling dirty under wear laying around and you never asked how my fuching day went.

That must have been frustrating for you.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by LH19
Ok lets play this out for $hits and giggles.

W: Bent this D is all your fault. When we were married you always left the cap off the fuching tooth paste, you left your fuching smelling dirty under wear laying around and you never asked how my fuching day went.

B: You sound frustrated is that how you feel?

W: Yes that is how I feel you dumb fuch why do you think I just used F word 3 times?

Or you could not respond at all because you don't have time for her BS and you are too busy leading a kick a$$ life without her.

Hmmmm. Tough choice lol.


Ok so let's play this out your way

OB: Ok so is this all we need to file jointly then?

W: Yes, I think so. You know we wouldn't be in the position if you hadn't xyz'd. And you never even abc'd. You know **insert personal insult here**.

OB: **Stares blankly** OR ** Goes silent on the phone**

W: Of course you have nothing to say to that. Perfect example of why we're getting D'd.

Silence would absolutely work in email or text scenario. However it doesn't work in an in person or on the phone scenario. I guess maybe hanging up, but she's just going to call back if she's that heated.

Not responding is one tool. As is using validation. And if you use it as a passive aggressive swipe of course it had a lower chance of making things worse or getting you no where.

Dealing with emotionally volatile exes when you have kids together is a long, long road. You need to use all the tools you have. No response is one tool. Validation is one tool. There are many other communication tools that a person needs to learn and use when dealing with difficult people and difficult subject matter. Over the course of the D and the rest of your lives that you have to co-parent you need every single tool at your disposal. And sometimes you need to use more than one in one sitting. No response is just a useful as validation. Maybe not personally for you. But you're one person. It's proven to fare well with others. Why knock it immediately? What does it hurt to try to see what works and what doesn't?

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Wayfarer you sound frustrated with me. Is that how you feel? lol.

Originally Posted by wayfarer
Silence would absolutely work in email or text scenario.
Well that's exactly what it was hence the reason I suggested it.

Originally Posted by wayfarer
No response is just a useful as validation. Maybe not personally for you. But you're one person. It's proven to fare well with others. Why knock it immediately? What does it hurt to try to see what works and what doesn't?
Well if you go back and read what I wrote I said validation is great for people who deserve it. Also if you go back and read what I wrote you will see that I said IMO which means for me personally. Bent is a big boy and can certainly use validation where he sees fit and if he wants to validate a woman who is living with another man while still married to him that is certainly his right. Like a lot of people like to day here when breaking DB principles "Michele says do what works".


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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Originally Posted by LH19
Wayfarer you sound frustrated with me. Is that how you feel? lol.
Often, I feel like I would enjoy drinking whisky on the rocks with you and arguing all night until one of us passes out because neither will give up.
Originally Posted by LH19
Well if you go back and read what I wrote I said validation is great for people who deserve it.
I've learned variations of it works with people whether they deserve it or not. Sometime digging in with validation helps me understand what people are thinking/feeling and why and I deserve that clarity it isn't about them. Communicating isn't some kind of selfless act.
Originally Posted by LH19
Also if you go back and read what I wrote you will see that I said IMO which means for me personally.
I can read LH, but you also doubled the down when someone offered a differing opinion. Which wasn't even me this time. So you can see how I got there.
Originally Posted by LH19
Bent is a big boy and can certainly use validation where he sees fit and if he wants to validate a woman who is living with another man while still married to him that is certainly his right.
Fixating on the minutia of the pain here does what exactly? So she's legally married to him and is living with another man. Great, that's the reality of the situation and nothing is going to change that. Will staining every interaction with stbxw's crappy behavior change literally anything? Does pulling moral superiority make communicating any easier? My god man. The whole thing is a sh!tstorm. What is gained by digging your heels in over moral superiority refusing to do your best to communicate? If a person wants to lord their maturity and moral superiority over someone that actual needs to be standing on steady ground for that. Steady ground is literally being a bigger, better more evolved, healthier person. Which IMO is a person who is the bigger better person even when they don't have to be, or shouldn't have to be.
Originally Posted by LH19
Like a lot of people like to say here when breaking DB principles "Michele says do what works".
Doing what works is DBing. The whole cheeseless tunnels thing and all. It fairly basic psychology. Yes I've seen it used as an excuse, but none of this is one size fits all. You know that. You and those absolutes.

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FYI Wayfarer you would pass out first.


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T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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Originally Posted by wayfarer
I would enjoy drinking whisky on the rocks with you and arguing all night until one of us passes out because neither will give up.
Several weeks ago, I ordered a jack and coke. I was told they were out of JD and that there is a nationwide shortage on Jack Daniels. I bought the last large bottle the liquor store had for the house (just in case smile ). Still haven't seen it back on the shelf.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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I for one would love to be witness to this...

But regardless, I know I am late to the party but I hope the final hurdle of paperwork works out ok for you.

Especially right now in this crazy lockdown we are having.

Thinking of you buddy.

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Originally Posted by LH19
FYI Wayfarer you would pass out first.
Sir, I am from the state Lewis Black says the Irish came from. And a state from which they don't let you participate in drinking contests in the Caribbean...lol. I may go first but it would be a tight race wink

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Several weeks ago, I ordered a jack and coke. I was told they were out of JD and that there is a nationwide shortage on Jack Daniels. I bought the last large bottle the liquor store had for the house (just in case smile ). Still haven't seen it back on the shelf.
We heard the same thing. Grabbed a bottle of Makers Mark and Jack, my preference is Gentleman Jack but I'll have to do with Black Label given what we're working with. We've been trying to stay stocked since the initial lock down. But we've run in to several hiccups here and there with a run on name brand celebrity liquors, the tried and true, and anything that's made it way to TikTok. However, brandy practically runs out of the bubblers here so it's not like we're living in the Prohibition or anything.

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Originally Posted by wayfarer
Originally Posted by LH19
FYI Wayfarer you would pass out first.
Sir, I am from the state Lewis Black says the Irish came from. And a state from which they don't let you participate in drinking contests in the Caribbean...lol. I may go first but it would be a tight race wink
Lol. It would be something for sure including a spirted debate. My BF says I am the most stubborn person he ever met. I will give you credit you got me to change my opinion that most WS are not POS they are just selfish. There is certainly a difference between say KKs STBXH, new Steve's Exwife and say my Exwife. So you definitely have me thinking.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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Following on from my last post, and thanks everyone for the replies and discussion that ensued, I had told her that I didn't want the STBXW to go to court and that I would just pay half the divorce fee of $500 (I was never refusing to sign the papers or agree to the D). Anyway she refused and said she didn't care if she had to go to court and that she would do it herself.

I replied that she seemed angry and if that was how she felt. I also explained that I never said she was a bad mother, but that she had done some things that made me question her decisions as a mother (which I stand by).

She responded that she wasn't angry and didn't want to make me do something that I didn't want to do. Re the the bad mother thing, she once things like that are said the damage is done. She continued by saying that she had spoken to me about the things that had upset her in the past and that I either denied ever saying them or doing them, which is just weird because she is the one that has lied compulsively about the things she has said and done. So basically I am to blame for everything as she sees it and has managed to turn it around so that I have hurt her beyond repair. Its hard to take. I have real difficulty dealing with when I feel like I am being treated unfairly. Does she know that she is lying to herself or does she really see herself as innocent?

Anyway, fast forward to Sunday just passed and it was Father's Day in Australia, so naturally what better way to be given divorce papers for me to sign to acknowledge receipt of them before she files them.

I am under no delusions that one day she will magically see all the hurt and damage she has caused, my IC says it is unlikely she will ever acknowledge it, as it would take a real "brought to her knees" type moment to reflect and change and these just seldom happen to people.

So I guess its back to just trying to no try and understand something that is not understandable and take comfort in the fact that there are people out there who understand what I am feeling. And continue having an awesome life with S5, which I must admit is amazing.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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