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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
.....I listened to her when she said she wasn't sure that she could trust me and why, I validated her reasoning. At no stage did I get defensive, which is probably my biggest 180....S4's bday is coming up too and I told her that I thought it best to do separate bday parties.



whistle whistle


This is how you DB!


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Well done, OnlyBent. You realized Validation isnt only for saving marriages, but is a super powerful weapon to deploy in any relationship that matters. You did your part. Hope the signing goes well. (:



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Thanks Steve, R2C and C-Dub. It feels great to make progress but at the same time I am not going to rest on my laurels here.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Thanks Steve, R2C and C-Dub. It feels great to make progress but at the same time I am not going to rest on my laurels here.


You are going to continue to thrive with this great perspective in your mind! Again, well done.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Completed and signed property settlement lodged (she even had the good grace to have someone other than OM sign it). Completely fair and equitable, and I get to keep the beautiful apartment that we lived in with the brand new kitchen (I love cooking). No parenting plans necessary, just 50/50 and cooperation where necessary. For this outcome I am so very grateful. I might not have got to this if it wasn't for the things I have learnt on this journey so far, the advice I have received on this board is part of that so thank you to everyone who has contributed.

Only one step left I guess and that will be when I receive the inevitable divorce application in August.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

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OB,

You are doing great through this entire difficult process.

You will be fine and you will adjust to your new normal.

I think it helps to think of it as a journey you are on that will certainly have it's up and downs.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
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OnlyBent,
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Completed and signed property settlement lodged (she even had the good grace to have someone other than OM sign it). Completely fair and equitable, and I get to keep the beautiful apartment that we lived in with the brand new kitchen (I love cooking). No parenting plans necessary, just 50/50 and cooperation where necessary. For this outcome I am so very grateful. I might not have got to this if it wasn't for the things I have learnt on this journey so far, the advice I have received on this board is part of that so thank you to everyone who has contributed.

I won't say "congrats" as it doesn't seem appropriate for the occasion, but I am certainly glad you reached an agreement you're satisfied with. The back and forth of the D settlement was time-consuming and emotionally draining and it helped me a great deal to have that portion of the process behind me, knowing I had in writing my rights with the kids and my finances secure.

Only one step left I guess and that will be when I receive the inevitable divorce application in August.[/quote]
Hang in there!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
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OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
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Well to all the Poms on this board, congrats that you finally did over the Germans at the Euros. I watched the highlights this morning and literally got chills hearing the crowd go off. Brough back fond memories of my 4 years living there, especially remembering the painful 2010 world cup defeat by the Germans.

Day 4 of a 2 week lockdown here, and all is going well. S4 is just continuing his same schedule between STBXW and I, grateful that we live close to each other and that daycare have not shutdown for the period. Although it is school holidays so I certainly feel for those parent who are trying to work from home whilst managing kids locked down (and of course the rain decides to roll out for the next week).

I myself cannot work from home, so I basically have a 2 weeks paid leave. Have been really productive so far, Marie Kondo'ing the house, cooking, reading, working out, staying in touch with friends and getting to catch some of the NAB playoffs. Plenty of time for the self-development too. I can definitely feel my progression.

I mentioned before on another thread how I initially demonised and villainised my STBXW for all the hurtful things she had done over the past 12 months (and by no means do I absolve her of these actions), but I also have truly owned my part in this. Reading WF's posting awakening, it made me realise how a lot of the LBH's come on here and blame their W for this and that and focus very little on their responsibility. I was at times a sh!tty H and at times a great husband. But I had poor communication and was too gutless to acknowledge our problems for years to a point where the demise of our M was a foregone conclusion. Once I realised she was seriously going to leave I would have done anything to change, but it was too little too late. Would she have done the hurtful things had I taken better care of our MR, I wouldn't have thought so, therefore I am partly responsible.

The great thing is I still get to choose to change, to ensure I never have another crappy relationship again. If we don't learn from our failures it is indeed a tragedy.

Hoping for a Bucks v Suns finals btw.


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

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OB!!! I'm so happy to hear you're cheering for my deer!!!! The city is hopping here right now. Our Bucks are doing so well and our Brewers are #1 in the division right now. Granted baseball is a 162 games and it's only June but I have a good feeling smile

I'm glad what you read you took to heart, but my exH was a particularly crappy H and father. So don't beat yourself up too much.

With change comes growth. And you have the kind of head on your shoulders that I'm sure you're going to come out the other side of this a whole, happy, healthy man, and a better one at that. That choosing to change thing is such a big part of the next steps in your life.

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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
I mentioned before on another thread how I initially demonised and villainised my STBXW for all the hurtful things she had done over the past 12 months (and by no means do I absolve her of these actions), but I also have truly owned my part in this. Reading WF's posting awakening, it made me realise how a lot of the LBH's come on here and blame their W for this and that and focus very little on their responsibility. I was at times a sh!tty H and at times a great husband. But I had poor communication and was too gutless to acknowledge our problems for years to a point where the demise of our M was a foregone conclusion. Once I realised she was seriously going to leave I would have done anything to change, but it was too little too late. Would she have done the hurtful things had I taken better care of our MR, I wouldn't have thought so, therefore I am partly responsible.


I could have wrote this. It's a balancing act between taking too much blame and not enough blame. At DB I would have done anything to keep the marriage in tact, but it was too late. In retrospect I'm a good guy, good friend, good worker, etc. However, I wasn't a good husband in the ways my XW needed me to be. On the other hand she didn't communicate her unhappiness to me in a productive way and she chose to leave. It is what it is though. I can't do anything about it--except learn from my mistakes.

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