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I got what you guys are saying, and I know its hard to believe but my actual real day to day involves her maybe 1-5% due to children. But when I post here I mention things with her because those are the issues I have that I need help with.

I dont really journal that I washed my truck, bought chicken to start portioning meals, spent an hour on the phone catching up with my mother, helped my sister and her husband learn how to communicate better and he is moving back home, etc.... my life is easy, simple and good. I post about the stuff that I need to work on mainly. But I suppose I could post all the other things going on for a better picure of steve's day to day


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Steve,

Why the thumbs up emoji? What would happen if you didn't respond at all?

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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
I washed my sleeping bag this past weekend. It has gortex, so it took FOREVER(over 9 hours in dryer) to dry.

lmao! I can relate. I don't have a front-loader so I have to sit at a laundrymat to clean those.

Yesterday, I took my S to the dentist and helped him with 2 teacher appreciation projects and to e-mail a photo and message to a teacher he liked who was retiring. She was his first student. To show gratitude for good teachers. To teach my son to show gratitude. I enjoyed the teacher's enthusiastic reply. I spent an hour talking to my D about the French Revolution and Napoleon--her AP exam is soon. I rewarded her considerable efforts with chocolate / salted caramel brownies that we all baked together. (Non-GAL - I did spend an hour considering my ex's allegation I'm not a good person--before blocking her again as a detractor in my life. 4%, but only for 2 days) On the dating front, I spent 30min chatting with an interesting lady I'll date Saturday, and because I value me, put the compassionate boundary smack down on another lady I'll date tonight. I did some cleaning up around my home. I listened to part of an audiobook on the warrior way and watched a 30-min show on home improvements. I spoke to the other members of the non-profit board I lead about an upcoming event and succession plans. Life is good, with or without partners/dates.

Originally Posted by Steve_
my actual real day to day involves her maybe 1-5% due to children.

My day-to-day involves 0% of my XW due to the children. Spending 1-5% of your day on her is a choice, and one that makes your detachment a much slower process than for others. At pick-up, the kids walked out of the house into her car. She and I waved. That's 10sec out of 24hrs in a day, or 0.01%?

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Note my reaction to my XGF taking up 4% of my attention two days in a row. I blocked her texts. I don't want that level of attachment or time commitment unless someone adds value to my life. How about you?

It's amazing how simple right choices can be sometimes. (:

Your XW doesn't spark joy. Marie Kondo would tell you to drop her into a bin! "Thank you for your service, XW, I needed you to help me realize my self-worth, and now your purpose in my life is done for now."

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Steve_
Since she has been in Disneyland she has sent me photos of things going on. That's it, no more than that. I responded by thumbs upping the ones with the children.

So what would happen to you Steve if you didn't send the thumbs up? (propbably an angry text saying something like "wow you cant even respond about the kids?"
Originally Posted by Steve_
I also know that the social media stuff is her way to try to manipulate, which is exactly why she remains blocked.

You are a wise man! (thanks! I know thats all it is)
Originally Posted by Steve_
I hope someday she will become a better person, healthier and stronger without needing men’s attention to feel good.

I would give that about a .0000001 percent chance of happening. (Yeah she is 33, pretty set in her way, itll be man to man to man Im guessing.)
Originally Posted by Steve_
Maybe someday she will realize what she threw away.

What did she throw away? Why do you think it is so easy for her to throw it away? (I feel she threw away a solid foundation for the future for herself and our kids. Im a good man with a good career and a good father, and now she will have to endure the step-family, financial instability, children resenting her and the loss of that organic family that we all had, along with the home in arizona and her relationship with her own family who now have to move without us and the kids. Really its the loss of a stable and healthy family that really supported her, now they are all angry and resentful toward her.
Originally Posted by Steve_
But not any time soon. And people usually change when the pain of staying the same forces them to, she has not felt the real pain yet.

What kind of pain do you think she is going to feel? Why do you think she will feel it? Same reasons as I covered for the loss issue. And also because I essentially took care of everything for the kids and took care of her when she got sick and that was often, she wont have that any more and her health isnt going to get better.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I have nothing much to say to her really. It’s very simple.

It really is that simple to us here. (The less I say to her the easier my life is)
Originally Posted by Steve_
I see her games for what they are and believe 0% of what she says and even what she does.

You are a wise man! (took a long time but thanks)
Originally Posted by Steve_
I am more concerned with me right now, I got a IV certification class coming up and I’m thinking of looking for a better paying job soon as well.

Great!
(appreciate it)


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Originally Posted by Steve_
But when I post here I mention things with her because those are the issues I have that I need help with.... But I suppose I could post all the other things going on for a better picture of steve's day to day
The point I was attempting to make was more "I statements" and less "Her statements".

I believe we are all here attempting to make positive changes to our behavior. Others can see our own flaws much better than we see our own. Making those changes is unnatural. We all have choices to make on how we respond to others when we interact with them. Easiest choice is to do what we are comfortable doing. Getting out of our comfort zone is how we learn and grow.

You already know Sandi's rules. Now you just have to make sure you are following them.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Steve_
probably an angry text saying something like "wow you cant even respond about the kids?"

So are you afraid to make her angry?
Originally Posted by Steve_
(Yeah she is 33, pretty set in her way, it'll be man to man to man I'm guessing.)

I thought she was older? This will take longer then I thought. How old are you?
Originally Posted by Steve_
I'm a good man with a good career and a good father, and now she will have to endure the step-family, financial instability, children resenting her and the loss of that organic family that we all had, along with the home in Arizona and her relationship with her own family who now have to move without us and the kids. Really its the loss of a stable and healthy family that really supported her, now they are all angry and resentful toward her.

99% of the LBS here can say the same. I know I can. My ex-father-in-law was furious with my ex. Laid into her and made her cry. Guess how long that lasted? Until she moved into her new house and he took care of everything including the yard and the painting. Why? Because that's his daughter. His flesh and blood.

The quicker you realize and move on the less pain you will have to deal with.

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I am not afraid of the BS im just dodging it. Why even deal with it, and im sure you are right, in time they will get over it and support all her stupid ass choices because she has them manipulated as well with her fits of rage if people do not comply with her demands.

im 36 and she is 33 bout to be 34, yeah this is gonna be a long ride for sure....

at this point I am over it. Its easier to just sit quiet then to engage in any type of drama. Thats what I do, that and consider how to do it better next time around with someone better.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
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Originally Posted by Steve_
im sure you are right, in time they will get over it and support all her stupid ass choices because she has them manipulated as well with her fits of rage if people do not comply with her demands.

They'll support her because they value family and she's their flesh and blood and you are not. Your wife could be a master manipulator, an okay manipulator, or no manipulator at all with the same outcome.

Originally Posted by Steve_
Thats what I do, that and consider how to do it better next time around with someone better.

That's largely up to you and what behavior you accept next time around. (:

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Originally Posted by Steve_
I am not afraid of the BS im just dodging it. Why even deal with it, and im sure you are right, in time they will get over it and support all her stupid ass choices because she has them manipulated as well with her fits of rage if people do not comply with her demands.

im 36 and she is 33 bout to be 34, yeah this is gonna be a long ride for sure....

at this point I am over it. Its easier to just sit quiet then to engage in any type of drama. Thats what I do, that and consider how to do it better next time around with someone better.


Steve_ have you done anymore related to IC?


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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