The longest STBXH has gone without contacting me over the last 15months is 9 days.Well yesterday was day 9. I immediately hit ignore. Its Friday. He probably is asking if I have heard from my atty... AND I SO DO NOT WANT TO DEAL. I decided it was time to read the texts and just deal with it.
If his texts take up so much mental space--you're counting how many days since the last one, you're anticipating what they'll say, you finally decide you have to "deal with" them--why not just block him? I'm curious why you continue to maintain this attachment. There's no business need--he doesn't need to know when you've heard from your attorney, he can ask your attorney any questions directly. He can also e-mail you. Fewer connections will help you detach, especially as you're aren't leveraging other tools like counseling. I suspect you feel a dip in how much mental space he holds, but it's still more space than the ideal.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Told him it I didn't notice him but that was us as the timing was right when we were on the road. Then said S19 is home and sent a pic of the mountain of laundry in the laundry room laughing.
You're continuing down the friends path. That's okay if it's what your heart desires.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Sometimes the universe is a cruel mistress!!!
In what way? You control whether you receive, read, and respond to these. Ms Universe is giving you opportunities. So many options, and entirely up to you what to make of them.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Then I showered and went out to the bar with the "guy friend" that we've been walking our dogs with about every 2 to 3 weeks. So it was a great night. My "date" bailed at 10pm stating it was past his bedtime... but I stayed another hour. Had an amazing time.
Careful not to fall into a relationship. After my 4 month hiatus--a hiatus from anything even possibly leading to romance was SO helpful for clearing my head--I'm beginning to date intentionally. That means I set standards and I check women against them. It's not enough to be attractive and into me. It's a slower dating process, but one that should end in me falling for a better match, or staying happily single.
Hey CW --- I guess my sarcasm didn't bleed through very well with the universe quote... I was just trying to acknowledge that fate sometimes is just weird.
As far the comment about the number of days between contact... its just an observation rather than a counting. An the idea that this cannot continue forever. Either it needs repaired or it needs to end...
As for the text versus email I'm not sure I understand the difference. Truth be told neither of us email... but is it just due to the phone notification? I get phone notifications for email as well so what would be the difference. Its my choice not to block - what if there was a family emergency?
No worries with the guy I went to the bar with... the last thing I'm looking for is a relationship. I doubt I meet up with him again as I was starting to get the vibe that he is thinking this is something more??? I was kind of relieved when he left the bar early... everyone knows they play the best songs at the end!!!
I will say that I'm very very stiff and sore from eight hours of hauling 200lb of dirt and some 20 12x12 pavers. I was only able to get the project 85% complete and its rained all day so it won't get completed for another weekend. I was telling my male bff about the project and how the pavers had been stacked along the side of the house for 4yrs!!! Better late than never...
STBXH and I do not share biological kids... but I love my stepkids... it's nice to know they think of me as well. And this is the reason I do not block him. If he ever reached out due to a family emergency and I was being immature and blocked him I would never forgive myself.
I accept the lot I've chosen by my actions but not my heart that I'm friendzoned. It is what it is.
It's hard raising kids that aren't yours for for many reasons... firstly you're not their parent and it's easy for them to hate you because you're not their parent. I had broad shoulders and I carried that anger. I preferred they didnt like me if it meant they didnt blame their dad.
It's nice to know that my sacrifices were not unnoticed.
STBXH and I do not share biological kids... but I love my stepkids... it's nice to know they think of me as well. And this is the reason I do not block him. If he ever reached out due to a family emergency and I was being immature and blocked him I would never forgive myself.
I accept the lot I've chosen by my actions but not my heart that I'm friendzoned. It is what it is.
It's hard raising kids that aren't yours for for many reasons... firstly you're not their parent and it's easy for them to hate you because you're not their parent. I had broad shoulders and I carried that anger. I preferred they didnt like me if it meant they didnt blame their dad.
It's nice to know that my sacrifices were not unnoticed.
This just made my entire year! ♥️
There is not reason to block your stbxh for that reason. My guess is you will continue this game with him until he either gets remarried or you find someone else.
Glad to hear it made your year! Onward and upward!
A week or so later I asked about something random to him. I get multiple text messages back. About how he just wants to move on and how he sees all these "bad" signs when he has been in my town many months ago. Now, all but 1 visit he was here on his own personal business or that of OW... I got descriptions of how he was cut off in traffic, how he was rear ended, how he had been run off the road, ((and the one visit regarding me --- he arrived in town for court date and it had been postponed of which I had not been notified either, so a waste of his time.)) THIS ^^^^ This is the reason he will not consider recon, though that is not what I was texting him about... its just what came out of his mouth.
Curious as to what was important to text him to where it is turned into a relationship talk where he just reaffirmed to you that you are not good enough?
Originally Posted by KitCat
But he was looking to recon... they could have been good signs... when I am not with you I get run off the road... when I am not with you nothing goes my way.
You have never given him the time or the space to remember the good times.
Originally Posted by KitCat
This man was soooo happy to have randomly run into me on the highway that he was texting multiple times --- that he thinks he just saw me on X road 20min ago... was it me??? Wouldn't then that be GOOD sign making all those other signs months ago fade in comparison???
I think you really have blown that incident way out of proportion.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I feel your pain.
Yet you do not do anything to detach from it.
Originally Posted by KitCat
My STBXH texted that he is filling his life with healthy relationships with the best of friends and occasionally family so much so that he has finally quit smoking. ((he had quit when we met and got together... but stress of his job, his kids and being tired all the time he fell back into it... I was angry over it and pulled away. I tried to find a neutral place where I did stop nagging for the last 2yr... sigh))
So now you have him texting you how wonderful his life is without you. That must feel amazing (insert LH eyeroll)
A week or so later I asked about something random to him. I get multiple text messages back. About how he just wants to move on and how he sees all these "bad" signs when he has been in my town many months ago. Now, all but 1 visit he was here on his own personal business or that of OW... I got descriptions of how he was cut off in traffic, how he was rear ended, how he had been run off the road, ((and the one visit regarding me --- he arrived in town for court date and it had been postponed of which I had not been notified either, so a waste of his time.)) THIS ^^^^ This is the reason he will not consider recon, though that is not what I was texting him about... its just what came out of his mouth.
Curious as to what was important to text him to where it is turned into a relationship talk where he just reaffirmed to you that you are not good enough?
I had mentioned his D19. That resulted in multiple texts first about how his D19 made her bed and she can lie in it which is a huge change from him when he dropped off the dog in March when he was the one to talk about his D19.
I did not respond to his text about his D19. He continued to rattle off texts.
I did not respond.
Quote
Originally Posted by KitCat
But he was looking to recon... they could have been good signs... when I am not with you I get run off the road... when I am not with you nothing goes my way.
You have never given him the time or the space to remember the good times.
I am sadly aware of this
Quote
Originally Posted by KitCat
This man was soooo happy to have randomly run into me on the highway that he was texting multiple times --- that he thinks he just saw me on X road 20min ago... was it me??? Wouldn't then that be GOOD sign making all those other signs months ago fade in comparison???
I think you really have blown that incident way out of proportion.
I was being sarcastic.... seeing how he was going on and on about all the "bad" signs... wouldn't this be a "good" one???
Quote
Originally Posted by KitCat
I feel your pain.
Yet you do not do anything to detach from it.
Detaching and letting go is a process. I'm much more at emotional neutral than I have been. I don't immediately respond to reply to his texts. I often don't even ready them for at least 24hr. When I respond its 5 words or less.
Quote
Originally Posted by KitCat
My STBXH texted that he is filling his life with healthy relationships with the best of friends and occasionally family so much so that he has finally quit smoking. ((he had quit when we met and got together... but stress of his job, his kids and being tired all the time he fell back into it... I was angry over it and pulled away. I tried to find a neutral place where I did stop nagging for the last 2yr... sigh))
So now you have him texting you how wonderful his life is without you. That must feel amazing (insert LH eyeroll)
That was part of the multiple texts he sent when first talking about his D19. I didn't ask. I certainly didn't respond. And... no... it completely [censored] that he is soooo happy without me. But it is what it is.
My atty sent a rough draft of our dissolution 2 weeks ago... I haven't been able to even look at that email.
Detaching and letting go is a process. I'm much more at emotional neutral than I have been. I don't immediately respond to reply to his texts. I often don't even ready them for at least 24hr. When I respond its 5 words or less.
KK believe me I know detaching is a process. That's why I get crazy when I hear people say "you need to detach". The point is you have set it up so he can text you how amazing his life is right now.
I get you want him to look at you different then he does his first W but you are delaying your detaching process.
Well I read through my decree that my atty prepared.... so not prepared for this... totally do not believe that D is the answer but there is nothing more I can do.
