It is a confusing time. Strange that with all the stress, he's been easier to deal with than in the past during times of stress. Easier in that he's more patient, understanding, supportive etc. So it kind of feels like he's either really acting nice for the divorce or he's really hoping to remain friends...or who knows why else. There could be so many reasons that could have nothing to do with me.
Been really overwhelmed with the move. Work has also been busy and another project that slipped it's timeline is also coming due. I feel like everything is hitting me all at once. I know I'll get through it, but I hate this overwhelmed feeling...and that panic I tend to feel when it occurs.
I'm so stressed that I need to go to bed early tonight and catch up on some zzzz's. Thanks again for being there and I'll check in again as soon as I can.
El
Well done on recognizing that your body needed sleep! When we get overwhelmed we often neglect our own needs. Sleep is so important to human health, I think it is often an overlooked aspect of health.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hello friends. Just a quick update. I'm in crazy town with moving to a new place, planning renovations to get the house up for sale, and trying to get full time employment all in one week! Ha! Wish me luck!
H has been helping with the move and little projects I need in the new place, and I am taking it. For one, I am keeping things civil between us for the kids and to hopefully keep the D process from getting ugly. For two, I am so overwhelmed, I will take the help. It is so weird that under all this stress we are not fighting. Our marriage has had a lot of stressors and things were hard. Now it's ending and we are getting along better. Life is strange. There was a moment when he could have shown some romantic interest in me, and he didn't, so to me it still appears that he is in the fog pretty deep. For myself, I've also been feeling less tied to him emotionally/romantically, so maybe the detachment period is fully in place. I am honestly not sure I would ever want to be with him again beyond the chemistry we had. We did have some good years, but the marriage was so stressful and I never felt important enough. Again, I'm trying not to rewrite history, but the more emotionally separated I get from him, the more I remember how much strife there was in our relationship.
There has been a change in management at work, and that might affect my job situation in getting hired full time. So, I am sort of starting out at step one again with a new manager to convince. But trying to just roll with it and know that I can't control any of it. So, putting energy into all the things happening right now and trying to save a little energy and rest for myself in the process.
On a positive note, my temporary place might last longer than expected, so that will help until I get myself on solid footing and get thorough the divorce. I've been feeling sad about losing the house, the ending of all those dreams, for the time I struggled to make this marriage work with all the drama that we had. But I'm also hopeful that things for me will be better, that I will find someone who really loves me for me, and I will have the partnership I deserve. Send positive vibes my way that the next few weeks go as smoothly as possible with everything going on. Thanks friends!
I'll be catching up with all of you on your threads as soon as I am settled. Miss you and seeing how you all are doing!
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
El, good update. Just keep a finger on the pulse of your attachment/detachment. If having him help starts to reattach you then just politely decline his help, and find other help.
As far as feeling sad about the house, my W cries every time she moves. We've only moved twice in our marriage, but she told me she would cry even before that. She was sad when we moved into our current house, but now says she doesn't miss the old house even a little bit. I think it just the thought of "home" moving. She get homesick very easily so I think that plays into it.
Hope the work stuff works out, but as I stated before, right now it is an employee job market! Plenty of opportunity out there.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
This house and property was special. But it also represents the collapse of my marriage. So yes, sadness, but also a lot of mixed feelings beyond that. Just trying to move forward and let it go.
Today was a strange day in regards to H. I am sure it’s just guilt but still... This morning he brought me coffee in bed, which he’s not done in months. And that was always something I appreciated. Then, this afternoon he ran to the store and got flowers for me. My favorite kind. He helped me again with moving today as well. All while I’m hearing from my L about things moving forward. It all is just so surreal. My best friend thinks I’m crazy for even being civil towards him, but I don’t have the energy to be anything but. He told me today he appreciated me for the same. I didn’t get into anything but I said it doesn’t mean I’m not hurt by all that has happened. He acknowledged that he knew that.
I also am spending the night in my new place. Wasn’t planned that way, but maybe just as well...otherwise I would have been all emotional when I got up this morning. Such an exhausting time moving along with everything else happening this week and next. I also realize how many of my relationships have been impacted by my marriage. And right now I feel very alone. I really hope to change that in my future. Another friend is moving back to Seattle and I’m looking forward to spending time with her in the future.
As for the the job situation, I am still pushing for a full-time salaried position. Fingers crossed it happens, as I love the company I am freelancing with, but if it doesn’t work out I do know I have other options.
Xo friends.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
Hello Friends. I am fine, just overwhelmed. Still packing, moving, working extra hours and managing contractors, so seems not enough time. Will get back online when things slow down a little.
Hope all is well with you all. I'll have a lot of catching up to do on your threads!
Hugs, El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
Hello Friends. I am fine, just overwhelmed. Still packing, moving, working extra hours and managing contractors, so seems not enough time. Will get back online when things slow down a little.
Hope all is well with you all. I'll have a lot of catching up to do on your threads!
Hugs, El
Hang in there. Know we are all rooting for you!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
