He's not doing well because he "might" have to pay more than he is now and the cash isn't flowing as much as it was. He spent instead of saving so he's not ready for this. He thought when he walked out that the D would only cost $250 and he wouldn't have to pay me anything so he's just mad.
Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of NC, 15 months since the BD. Still can't believe I'm getting a divorce after 30 years together and while I'm incredibly sad life is surprisingly better without him in it.
Glad to hear your attorney is on it. I never understood why you didn't have an order for temporary support right from the start.
I tried to "nice" him back so I cancelled the hearing scheduled right after he left. Held onto hope until he cancelled the lease. I knew in my gut at that point that there was someone else and she was confirmed a couple months later. I filed the next day but that attorney was inept and I don't like confrontations. Took me a while to get mad but I like to believe everything happens for a reason so waiting actually benefited me.
I wonder how you're doing. I was surprised your legal proceedings took so long (my services were completed within days, not months), but crazy early days of COVID. You left just as you said they were getting underway. I hope you were able to get the support you're legally entitled to AND let go of some of your anger towards your ex. Wishing you and yours a wonderful life, whether or not you ever see or reply to these messages.
FYI, you were the one who nudged me to *consider* reconciling with my ex-wife after walking away from her 10yrs ago. I went through the process of considering it--thank you! I guess the primary driver would be a big win for the kids, and kml pointed out, it may not be. My son doesn't even remember a 2-parent home! She and I are communicating more though, and that is something very positive I hope to foster. Maybe, someday, we can be friends. (:
I've been thinking about everyone here recently so I've been catching up and decided to post an update. I love it when people come back after I've gotten invested in their stories.
TLDR: I've had 5-6 court dates in the past 8 months and I'm still married.
Here are the details:
Hired my new attorney in June 2020 which is about where I left off. It took her months to fix everything my previous attorney messed up on. I've made a lot of mistakes which have since be fixed so please be kind since I'm in the thick of it right now. She requested discovery and he didn't respond for 2 months so that led to court date #1. He reduced the amount of support he was paying for 2 months and that led to court date #2. I got a temporary support agreement without having to go to court (I agreed to keep the status quo). He sent most of the financials and for added fun sent some screen shots of posts I wrote right after he left (another forum). He didn't send everything so my attorney sent a letter. He ignored that so that led to court date #3 which he continued so I get court date #4. In between 3 and 4 he sends some documents plus a 2 page, single spaced description of how I used to parent (it's bad). I don't go to court date #4 (long story) and at this point everything is kind of running together. I get an order that states he must pay all legal fees for these delays. From court date #1 to court date #4 is 7 months so the income he provided isn't current anymore so my attorney asks for more documents plus a few things he still hasn't answered. He didn't respond so I get court date #5 (June 28, 2021) maybe 6 I don't know I'm starting to lose count tbh. I was upset but S21 reminds me that at least I'm not paying for this anymore. I haven't paid anything since court date #3. He moved out 2 years/2 months ago and I am still married but not for lack of trying. I ran out of money before court date #3 but I got $4k in stimulus money so I told my attorney to push him hence court dates 3, 4 and 5, maybe 6. I haven't had to spend any of it though since I got an order making him pay my attorney.
I've been 100% no contact for 2 years. He's still with the OW, works 3 jobs and is never home (the kids talk). So much to tell since a lot has happened since I last posted here, too much for this post though. D15 still lives with him but she now spends all her free time here with me. S21 is a junior in college and has a steady job now. D18 also got a job, a whole lot of new friends (they all hang out here) and most of these kids say I'm the greatest mom ever because honestly I'm just here for them. D18 still doesn't speak to him so he wasn't invited to her high school graduation. He did however work traffic so I got to drive by him and I was all smiles. Yes he did see me. I was smiling because I had D18, D15 and one of their male gay friends in the back seat. We had the music cranked up and it was fun. The kids don't talk to stbxh about their lives (another long story) so he doesn't know who their friends are. Anyway this kid says "that's your dad? He's so OLD. What is he 75?" He's 56 btw. I did see that he's completely gray headed now and he was wearing these awful oversized ugly glasses like something out of the 70's. He stopped wearing glasses a decade ago (contacts) so this was unexpected.
My moods are up and down, sometimes I'm very negative, sometimes I'm cautiously optimistic. It just depends on the day but I'm still standing, still fighting, still determined to grow from this. I mean what choice do I have really? I can give up and have him be right about me or I can become a better, healthier person. I've chosen the latter option but it's not an easy path nor is it fast. If you've made it this far I'm impressed. lol I'll post more details later if anyone wants them and I promise to keep the next post shorter.
I've gone through my own version of "how many court dates is this?" in the past year. I'm sure the constant shots about parenting hurt, but keep in mind this is par for the course in family court. This may or may not be the case with your situation, but I felt like at some point I was in a legal vortex where it was almost impossible to pull out of the tailspin. Lawyers don't necessarily help, and I felt this was never going to end. It still might not. I encourage you to at least think about what you would accept as a settlement (accounting for how much it would save you in financial and emotional cost), and then see if there's a way to steer things that way. Of course you can't control whether your STBX will even consider such a thing.
Nobody is "right" about you. I gave my X the power to tell me all my problems and I believed she was more right than me. That's BS. Nobody is a perfect parent. Everyone has things they struggle with. I agree it's not easy and I've had my own up and downs. You aren't alone in going through this process. Consider how lucky you are to be free from your STBXH -- it's not easy, but it's a new lease on life when you realize you have escaped spending the rest of your life with someone willing to do what they have done.
Unchien wow you’re still married too?? My stbxh sent one settlement offer a year ago which left me living in my car but at least he let me have the car. Lol I can’t say much because I know the way this game is played where you start off at the bottom and negotiate to some mutually painful middle. I’m poor, I’m old, a former homemaker so I have absolutely no choice but to fight for every dime. I did not do this. My stbxh got a girlfriend, talked me into selling our house, helped me get a job then left. This is about the rest of my life and I still have a good 5 years left to parent (he can’t be bothered). I’ve saved enough cash to go to trial and I consider it an investment in my future. I might lose but what I want is reasonable so I think (hope) I’ll get enough support to at least keep a decent roof over my head and while I won’t retire at 65 I need to prepare in case I got sick or something.
Met with my attorney this week and she advised me to put the divorce on hold. He is fighting me tooth and nail so we are going to back off for a while.
