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Hate to break it to you, Steve, but your WW doesn't want to be your friend. She's just happy you're off of her a$$ and she's able to do what she wants more freely. She still has you under her thumb and she knows it. You say you don't believe anything she says, but then you just turn around and believe everything she says. She's got you painting rooms and running errands like her little house boy and has you fooled into thinking you're in control of the situation. Why you continue to play house with her blows my mind...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Steve,

So there is so much involved in your situation and you a very good at cherry picking advice that suits your narrative. So first off after all that you posted on here we are supposed to believe it’s all koombiya (sp) with your ex after one talk? The conversation reeked of manipulation on both ends.

Yes you should be out interacting with other people including women. That doesn’t mean trying to lock them down in a relationship to satisfy your codependent ways. If you do it will most likely end very badly for someone including your children.

Getting to a good place Is hard. I still struggle with things. That’s why most people lead below average to mediocre lives.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Good point cwarrior.

That’s why I brought it up. I need to be smart, I need to make good choices, I need to do things correctly.
It’s real easy to try to look for comfort in another person and I cannot do that here, I know that.
Honesty if she lived in the same city I would even be friends with her. I have avoided all of that
Where I live for that reason.

I have a lot of work to do on myself and my focus is getting my RN done. Finding a better paying job and a better place to live. I know full well now is NOT the time for an R. Not for at least another 6-8 months of moving past this D, getting back into school and laying the foundation for my own life solid. I get that. I brought her up so I can ensure I don’t make mistakes again. I know what I need to be focused on and I want to stay there.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Yeah I agree with you guys. I felt like hmm.. this is too good to be true with the stbxw. It sounded nice and i hope there is some kinda truth to this but i did feel off and since you mention it i noticed it o the spot, She is being so cool about this,

Immediately I felt like she let out this Sigh of relief like “oh well now I don’t have to feel so bad for banging OM behind everyone’s back”. It essentially has nothing to do with her wanting me to be happy, it’s more like, wow now I can do whatever and he is not this “perfect standing spouse” so I’m guilt free.

That’s what I got from what she said. And honestly that’s fine, because she was gonna do it either way so now she can not hide it and enjoy herself. /shrug.

I am doing the things for the house 1. Because it’s for my daughters room, it was really important to her when we were going to move to AZ I had it all setup a princess bed, the walls painted, it’s was a little girl’s dream. And that got taken away by the ex when she picked up the kids and moved them in with OM. I wanted to give her that back. She was devastated when I painted over her brand new princess room I had just told her was her future. She bragged out it to her little friends she was so happy. I wanted to give that back.

The storage unit I share with the ex (2 of them) I pay for the second one $100 a month. I consolidated it yesterday so I don’t gotta cough up the $100 anymore. And yes to be friendly and such for the future when I move forward to have a good parent relationship with the ex. She will need me as a voice of reason when she is doing stupid shiz and my kids are involved. I need to at least be able to have her ear for stuff like that so they don’t get destroyed again.

I don’t believe the ex wants me to move on. She absolutely believes that any snap of her finger and she can have me back. That’s fine, let her believe that. Hopefully she will find a decent om that is good for her and the kids and leave me alone.

Also LH, the very LAST thing I want is to push anyone into an R with me lol. I figure I will get dumped/ghosted/ blown off for not committing at least a few times before Ms. Right is found. I have too much work to do on myself and no woman is gonna take me off my path again. The Ex wasted so much of my life with her games and manipulations and affairs I should have been working on my nurse practitioner now not my RN. But I allowed it, I won’t again. If a woman doesn’t like my slow deliberate, kids first, career first pace. Off you go.

The correct relationship will be effortless, I can be all of me and at my pace and it will just work. And that is when I will know, until then I push forward carefully and deliberately toward a better life for me and my babies.

Last edited by Steve_; 05/18/21 04:31 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Originally Posted by Steve_
She asked me to come paint the room at her moms for my daughter and I agreed.
What did you ask her to do for you?

Originally Posted by Steve_
The Stbxw and I have reached a point where we are just friends.
Do you know how PuppyDogTails declaration to his wife about being friends after D went? Do you know why that worked?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Please start a new thread and link both of your threads together.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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“One of the best things you can do to dramatically increase the quality of your life is to start talking to strangers and making small talk everywhere you go. Developing your social skills and the ability to make small talk is essential to getting what you want in your career, social life and romantic life. When you can strike up conversations with total strangers anywhere and anytime, you can make friends, allies and create rapport with potential romantic prospects at will. This will grow your confidence and make you a people person who is easy going and easy to talk to. When people like you because you took the time to take a sincere authentic interest in who they are as a human being, it makes it really hard to say no to you. It’s hard to say no to someone we like. This gives you the power to influence others when you make it easy for people to like you.” Unknown writer.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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LH. I am a people person! That’s the thing, I always have so many friends and I tell a story that somehow people just gravitate towards. This whole past year has been my dark times. But I am always a prescence, I don’t mean to sound like a arrogant butthole or anything but I always am a leader in life, at work, with family, and friends people come to me for advice people adore our friendships and I lost track of that. I can talk to a Muslim guy from a hardware store as easy as a crystal meth tweaker on the street as seamlessly as a devout Christian southern baptist woman in a Georgia church. My time in the military allowed me to really become cultured. And one of the main reasons I had to pay for my D to be done was because I felt my light being stifled. And that’s just not who I am. I was losing myself, I’m such a personality and so lighthearted, my mom says “you never known a stranger” and I felt like I was beginning to not even know who I am anymore. Holding on was destroying me. And I had to let go. Among other things that was a big driving force. But I will start my best thread and thank you so much for all the comments and thoughts and following!


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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