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Yeah I guess I didnt want to "quit" until i see that she has moved on so I could feel like I did x.y,and z and its all her fault. Truth is she moved on a long time ago. No sense in even doing this game anymore. I dont speak to her much. And thats my good start. I need to push this D along. If its obvious to you guys that I am allowing her to do whatever she wants and decide my fate its definately obvious to her.

I kinda was like "I dont even care, Ill just let it be and whatever happens happens" I guessed at what would probably happen. I drift away, new OM pops up, she wants to push the D forward and thats it. I dont like that plan but I feel like its most likely to occur.

lately I been strongly feeling like I should ask her to move this along, that I dont want to wait around to be replaced.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Is it completely impossible for you to do nothing? No manipulation, no talking just do nothing.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Steve_ Offline OP
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LH!

Im glad you said that. I really wondered if it would be okay to do nothing at all. Like I have been doing that since easter. I do answer for the kids and stuff but since the last interaction to prepare them for going back to in-class school I dont speak to her. And im okay with that. Its easier for me. She doesnt reach out either so its all fine actually.

I thought in order to "take control of my life" I needed to push the D. Im not ready for that if im gonna be honest with myself but I know I could force that. But I also felt like making a push for it would be a mistake and It might be okay just to do nothing at all.

I would really prefer right now to continue with the whole "im fine, doing good, workin, kids, all good here" and thats it. Its easy. Short and simple and I have plenty to do anyways. I was wondering if doing nothing means im "allowing her to go wild and sew her oats while I wait around" I dont want to give off that impression at all. But I also dont want to push the D before im ready to feel good about it.

honestly thats the only thing im torn about. I have been only neccesary contact and been really good this week and its helped but I dont want to feel like im laying down and accepting this. But I also dont want to push it hard. So far shes happy with whatever shes got going on so its not even a problem of her reaching out or anything she dont. I just felt like I needed to do "something" to not be a bystander. If just like doing and saying nothing at all is an actual viable plan at this point im 1000% okay with that.

Last edited by Steve_; 04/10/21 06:05 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,157
Likes: 130
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Steve,

You cannot portray that you are this aloof, carefree guy thats moving on because youre not. Youre her doormat that she wipes the bottom of her shoes on on her way out to see other men. Thats what you portray on this board and that is certainly what she sees you as and will continue to until she is done toying with you. You have allowed her to cheat on you for years so what could possibly make you think you have any control over it now? You should be pushing the D through for one reason and one reason only. She has NEvER nor will she EVER be faithful to you. EVER.

Sorry Steve I know Im being harsh but its the truth. Every day you hang on is another day you suffer.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Originally Posted by Steve
ately I been strongly feeling like I should ask her to move this along, that I dont want to wait around to be replaced

Asking her to do it for you implies youre incapable, and begs the question why she should do you that favor. If you want to D, call a lawyer or read a Nolo press book, and make it happen.

Also, stop waiting. Get in IC to fix your issues, stop interacting with her with these non-essential essential childcare interactions for a few months, and make your solo life grand.



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Let's get serious here, Steve. The only reason you're not moving the D along is because you're still hoping she comes back. Stop pretending it isn't...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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You doing nothing Is allowing her to go sow her wild oats?!!

Actually, its quite the opposite. Everything you have been doing is showing you are quite fine with it. She does whatever she wants and you ask her on dates and buy her $100 bottles of wine, and celebrate holidays with her and take family pictures. So basically you say do whatever, Ill still be right here pining for you, not living your life, and making all decisions for myself based upon you.

However, no matter what you do, she will do exactly what she wants.

Just like you need to stop waiting for her moves to dictate how you live your life.

We really cant help you here Steve. You keep trying to fool us, fool her, fool yourself.

The only thing that can help you is intensive psychiatric help . I understand you are a veteran, but I also understand you are employed with health benefits. Use them. Use them now.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
You doing nothing Is allowing her to go sow her wild oats?!!

Actually, its quite the opposite. Everything you have been doing is showing you are quite fine with it. She does whatever she wants and you ask her on dates and buy her $100 bottles of wine, and celebrate holidays with her and take family pictures. So basically you say do whatever, Ill still be right here pining for you, not living your life, and making all decisions for myself based upon you.

However, no matter what you do, she will do exactly what she wants.

Just like you need to stop waiting for her moves to dictate how you live your life.

We really cant help you here Steve. You keep trying to fool us, fool her, fool yourself.

The only thing that can help you is intensive psychiatric help . I understand you are a veteran, but I also understand you are employed with health benefits. Use them. Use them now.



THIS


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by Ginger
Actually, its quite the opposite. Everything you have been doing is showing you are quite fine with it. She does whatever she wants and you ask her on dates and buy her $100 bottles of wine, and celebrate holidays with her and take family pictures. So basically you say do whatever, Ill still be right here pining for you, not living your life, and making all decisions for myself based upon you.

I hope this sunk in, Steve. Getting into IC so you learn to never accept being a doormat again is "I'm not okay with this." Buying her a $100 bottle of wine and celebrating Easter together is "I'm okay with this." If you fix whatever causes you to behave like this, your candidate actions will look different, and you and your kids will be happier. If you do nothing, you're likely to attract more users, and turn-off good women. Most nromal people are not attracted to doormats or people who choose to stay victims.



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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Actually, its quite the opposite. Everything you have been doing is showing you are quite fine with it. She does whatever she wants and you ask her on dates and buy her $100 bottles of wine, and celebrate holidays with her and take family pictures. So basically you say do whatever, Ill still be right here pining for you, not living your life, and making all decisions for myself based upon you.


We humans have a hard time "seeing" our own issues. Other people in our lives help shine light on these issues. Many of us here have worked through our own "red color glasses" and learned healthier ways of behaving. Ginger is pointing out one of the many areas to you.

There are times when the behavior above is perfectly acceptable. There are times when it is not. When you are healthy, you can easily discern which way to behave.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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