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Rebuilding and renewal - 4 #2917415
04/02/21 04:40 PM
04/02/21 04:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,660
Canada
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AndrewP Offline OP
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AndrewP  Offline OP
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New thread time - hopefully a shift in direction of some sort too. We're going into a 4 week lockdown so I'll be focusing on myself and my environment. Rebuilding and renewing.

Old Thread
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2917413&page=1


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: AndrewP] #2917420
04/02/21 06:14 PM
04/02/21 06:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
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kml Offline
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Monty will be happy to have your company!

Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: AndrewP] #2917435
04/03/21 05:25 PM
04/03/21 05:25 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,491
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CWarrior Online
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Hi Andrew,

I find your descriptions of the rail comings and goings fascinating.

Originally Posted by Andrew
Got chewed out by the operations manager this morning for legitimate reasons,

Is this the norm for your industry? I tend to disengage from managers who do that. When I was in an industry where that was the norm, the first time my manager began did this to me, I asked to speak to them in their office, and told them if I would not accept that and they apologized and it never happened again. I only mention this because your stress levels are already high and I suspect being chewed out doesn't help your stress levels.

I don't mean there isn't inherent stress in my industry. A couple of years ago a salesman fall short. After being warned it couldn't happen again, it happened again, and he jumped off a balcony at his customer's site.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: CWarrior] #2917438
04/03/21 09:00 PM
04/03/21 09:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,660
Canada
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AndrewP Offline OP
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AndrewP  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Hi Andrew,

I find your descriptions of the rail comings and goings fascinating.
When I get involved in something I tend to get "very" interested and it shows. There's a quote that I can't put my finger on right now that more or less says that you can tell a lot about a person by their passions and ability to inspire others. Now that's going to bug me - I know I've used it here in fact.

It's actually not nearly as exciting as I may make it out to be. The Thursday night rail switch went more or less as planned with the railway actually delivering all the cars I asked for but put 4 of them in the opposite order of what I asked for. It works out though. I was glad that the two cars that I needed in a particular unloading spot ended up placed where I wanted. I was worried because one was a non-standard length.

I'm slowly getting the hang of it. I sat down yesterday and wrote myself a checklist to keep me on track (no pun intended). I find that checklists for managing critical processes are very valuable. I don't often do them but know that they've saved my bacon more than once. I do know that I do this more methodically than my boss who did it before. He kept everything in his head and was constantly adapting to fresh information. I got an email from him this morning letting me know that a car we can really use has just been placed where we can call it in. Something I would have seen later when I looked, but he's constantly "on".
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Is this the norm for your industry? I tend to disengage from managers who do that. When I was in an industry where that was the norm, the first time my manager began did this to me, I asked to speak to them in their office, and told them if I would not accept that and they apologized and it never happened again. I only mention this because your stress levels are already high and I suspect being chewed out doesn't help your stress levels.

I don't mean there isn't inherent stress in my industry. A couple of years ago a salesman fall short. After being warned it couldn't happen again, it happened again, and he jumped off a balcony at his customer's site.
I started my career with the parts business of a major auto company and learned the "type" of many operations managers. They are tough because they need to be to deal with the staff below them who would take them for a ride if they came across as soft. And they are direct and blunt because they have no time or interest in politics, only in getting the job done.

What I also learned, is that you can't back down from them or they lose respect for you, but on the other hand if you mess up - you get their respect by owning up to it and dealing with the fall-out. Throwing someone else under the bus or trying to weasel your way out of responsibility gets no respect. They think you are playing games. I know that when I needed something that this manager would make it happen - mutual respect - due to the nature of our roles we have to work together. I make the plans but don't have the bodies. He has the bodies and has to be sure that they are kept safe. He also knows what the plant can do and is doing at a level I never will. A favourite podcast - "Our Plague Year" - had a monologue on it by the person who organized the tours for a performing group that applies "Nobody gets hurt. Everybody gets paid.". I think that most management can be boiled down to that.

A personal hero of mine, Sir Ernest Shackleton, known to his men as "the Boss" had many flaws - but his men were devoted to him and importantly had absolute trust in his ability to take care of them. I highly recommend reading up on him if you want to see a real example of leadership and what it really means.

I think that a big part of the problem with my colleagues is that there is a perception that I'm being groomed to take over the company. It is indeed possible and I've had to deal with making sure that everyone is aware of my limitations. The guy who runs the company now is an engineer and a darned good one. He has an encyclopedic knowledge of trivial details going back decades and the ability to manage it all in his head. He's one of those people who are never "off". So - the engineers look at me and the fact that I'm not an engineer and have only a passing knowledge about how the plant works. But they are learning that I respect their knowledge and abilities within their scope of practice. As an example, one of the guys was questioning how I was having him fill some containers last week. I went out and looked at what he was talking about and agreed that yes - this didn't look safe. But then grabbed one of the engineers and had HIM look at the issue and he did some math, checked specifications and confirmed that yes - we shouldn't be filling that container in that fashion.

Will I actually take over some day? I have no clue and am not looking out that far. Whenever I'm asked about it, I say that my job is to take care of details so that the people who do the "real" work can get on with it. But I do know that outside of the engineering, that I can bring things to the role that aren't there. I'm good with relationships (yeah - I'm on a divorce support site crazy ), I am a decent salesman, passable mathematician and accountant, and that I have earned the respect of pretty much everyone I've dealt with both inside the organization and with our customers and suppliers.

We'll see. I'm not betting the farm on it - just trying to get through each day. I still need to manage the stress and effort and the fact that I am putting a lot of "me" into this and the candle is burning brightly on both ends.

---

Well - that was a longer monologue than expected.

---

Had an odd encounter again today - my own darned fault I'm sure. I popped in to the craft shop the next village over to see if they had any nice Easter decorations. It's run by a woman who I originally thought was interested in me in a romantical kind of way. She gets "very" interested in me and my life. Despite us being of a "certain age" - I think she's within a year or so of me - I get a vibe of raw sensuality out of her that is both attractive and also disturbing. Not that she's a tart or anything like that. She's a middle-aged lady who wears baggy clothes and has the appropriate curves for a person her age. She wears no makeup and really doesn't appear to be putting herself "out there". But there's a magnetism that is unmistakable. I also know that she is in a relationship and found out today that she has indeed sold her shop and building (conditional offer) and will be moving two hours away and in with her boyfriend to help take care of his mother. From what she's said, she's been single more or less since her mid-20s although she did live with this boyfriend for a couple of years in the past.

She's made comments in the past as well about coming over here to help me with things around the house and using that as an opportunity to introduce my son to her daughter.

I really don't know what to make of this other than the fact that I am absolutely keeping things on a arms-length basis is the thing to do. I certainly don't understand women well enough to understand motivation. She's in many ways the sort of woman that would be a good match if I were in a place to date. Kids all grown and independent, financially solvent and responsible, creative and interested in the arts, especially the jazz music scene.

Ah well - anyhoodles - back to my cleaning. I probably will make a pumpkin pie tonight for tomorrow's Easter dinner. My duck is pretty much thawed and the menu at this point will be roast duck with sausage stuffing and gravy, mashed potatoes, steamed broccoli with cheese sauce, roasted butternut squash, fresh bread and pumpkin pie for desert. And no - I've learned that I don't in fact need more people to feed.

Have a Blessed Easter all.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: AndrewP] #2917462
04/05/21 01:58 AM
04/05/21 01:58 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,660
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline OP
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AndrewP  Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,660
Canada
Had a lovely Easter with my son. He and Monty got along quite well especially after the treats and the laser pointer were found. I was pleased that Monty didn't run and hide but perhaps because this is "his" house, he was more comfortable. I think this year's roast duck was one of my best ones too, along with the fresh bread, mashed potatoes with gravy and pumpkin pie for desert - yes - he is seemingly still single .... S26 did say that he had invited one of his co-workers to join us who is spending this holiday alone. Made me feel good that he knew that of course we would have made room at the table. His co-worker didn't come and there are many left-overs. Potato pancakes, stuffing sandwiches, duck stew are all on the menu for future days. I'll probably put the bones in to bubble tomorrow and make more broth.

It was nice to spend the day cooking and preparing. I actually managed to time everything out decently and spent some time with Monty and a good book through the afternoon. There was work that I could have done - actually just finished dealing with a loading issue for tomorrow - but I really enjoyed those few hours of just being domestic.

It strikes me as odd how my son spends all of these holidays with me and not his mother - presumably she has her new family to care for - no clue on that. Other than the one Christmas shortly after we split and she communicated through our son that it was "only fair" that she have Christmas that year, there haven't been any other years when it hasn't been him and I for all the traditional family events except for perhaps last year when S's horde invaded for Thanksgiving. I suspect that my son spent that time alone which is one of several regrets about how things went with S. Ah well.

Like many of us with older children it is reasonable to wonder about their relationship or lack thereof with the other parent.

Regardless of your personal faith, this is indeed the season for Renewal.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: AndrewP] #2917467
04/05/21 04:32 AM
04/05/21 04:32 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,871
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kml Offline
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Quote
I think this year's roast duck was one of my best ones too, along with the fresh bread, mashed potatoes with gravy and pumpkin pie for desert - yes - he is seemingly still single ..


You’re going to make the right woman very happy some day.

Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: kml] #2917524
04/08/21 01:04 AM
04/08/21 01:04 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,660
Canada
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AndrewP Offline OP
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AndrewP  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
You’re going to make the right woman very happy some day.
Not so sure about that. The times that I had to do all the meal planning and prep for S and her boys was exhausting. Kudos to those who do that. Figuring out what to make that is nutritious and different each day was a lot of work.

---

Another crazy day down at the plant. Had a panic this morning when my boss emailed me to let me know that 2 of the railcars I had called in that were needed might not make it - but they did and even ended up in the right spot - phew.

I'd also forgotten to book a delivery time for a load of raw materials but the load showed up at the usual time and all went fine. Then 9 million various issues took up my time. I honestly don't remember what many of them were. Suppliers and customers to cajole, staff to talk to, paperwork to process yadda yadda yadda.

It also seems that I am indeed being groomed for broader roles. The operations manager - who I've butted heads with a few times - is taking next week off and so I'll be doing much of his job. Training consisted of him talking to me for about 10 minutes and describing his day. I wrote it out as a draft procedure and sent it to him for review. The guys at the plant don't seem to be disturbed about me directing things - I won't use the word "in charge" and in talking to some of them, they have offered all the support I need to get things done. Something I greatly appreciate.

A few of them have talked to me privately as well about the fact that the operations manager grates on them as well and has a tendency to "manage from the hip" as it were - something that I'm seeing up close in recent times. Just tonight we had a panic when one of our tanks almost went dry - the operators didn't have clear instructions and were operating on what they "thought" the current guidelines were.

There was some back and forth from our mutual boss on mistakes made today with no fingers pointed but to me at least, it was clear that the ops manager was asleep at the wheel and from the tone of the message he eventually sent, he knows it too. My own opinion is that he's ticked off at my infringing on "his" territory albeit at least at this point in a backup capacity and has been acting in a passive aggressive manner. On the other hand, I could have been more pro-active too and caught some of these issues before they happened.

I'm not sure where my career is going or what it will look like but I do feel more and more that it is within my capabilities.

I was delayed in getting out of the plant when one of the engineers went on a rant as a covid denier. To be honest, I don't try to argue with these people. They have their own set of facts which they believe are valid and thoroughly researched and I don't have the same level of detail they are prepared to bring out. Nor do I have any interest in challenging them. But on the other hand I won't agree with them either - so it makes for an uncomfortable conversation when I'm being challenged about beliefs that I'm unwilling to vigorously defend.

---

I think that Monty was disturbed with me being gone all day. He was pretty skittish when I got home and has been sticking close by. He won't be happy with me tomorrow as he has his vet appointment and will get a microchip implanted so that Bill Gates can track him over the 5-G network crazy He's doing well overall though I think. I did have a challenge with him because on Sunday he got to explore the dining room for the first time and didn't want to leave - an issue because I was plating dinner and while he's getting better, he's still not clear on what "up" places he's allowed on and keeps stretching those boundaries. He is learning though and while I'm sure he checks out the counter and table when I'm not home nothing seems to be disturbed.

On my health watch, the swelling in my legs seems to have gone down a bit. I've been trying to drink more water which I'm sure will help. I was concerned because there were some blotches that were similar to when they were infected previously but that's died down again. I need to continue to work on my diet to ensure it's appropriate and properly balanced and keep getting outside and being active as much as possible.

No romance or relationship news - sorry all - not sorry. We're going into a tighter lockdown here (something the Covid denier was upset about) and I don't have the spare capacity to deal with anything at present.

Well - just time to get at least most of the dishes done and then crash.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: AndrewP] #2917545
04/08/21 03:58 PM
04/08/21 03:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,871
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kml Offline
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Quote
Figuring out what to make that is nutritious and different each day was a lot of work.


Try doing it for 25 years! That's why I'm more than happy to let CMM do all the cooking (I'm not sure he even realizes I actually CAN cook!). But really, even a guy who would take over SOME of the cooking would be a welcome break for most women in our age brackets.


Quote
They have their own set of facts which they believe are valid
I believe you meant to put "facts" in quotation marks.
I counter this when I find it by relaying the honest fact that 10-20% of my healthy patients with mild to moderate outpatient cases have ended up with long term consequences and begin to list them. These deniers are afraid. I want them to be more afraid of the virus than they are of the vaccine. (I also now have a gnarly photo of the leg of the healthy 32 year old who has spent a month in the hospital, 16 days in ICU, and had multiple surgeries and more pending, all to save his leg from the arterial blood clots his "mild" case of Covid caused.)

Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: AndrewP] #2917555
04/08/21 07:00 PM
04/08/21 07:00 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,705
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I'm so glad Monty got 5G so everyone can keep up with him. LOL

I have thought about you several times recently when I have seen national/international news about parts of Canada locking down. I keep seeing this as my own state has dropped the mask mandate and is starting to reopen "as normal". I noticed just yesterday when I had to go to Walmart, that there were lots of unmasked folks, but I still wore mine and will continue to do so, at least for a little while longer because there are not nearly enough vaccinated folks running around for my taste just yet. But, that is my choice and I'm not putting anyone down for their choice to unmask or continue to mask...it is what it is. One thing my school got right is that they are continuing the mask mandate through the end of the semester. So, I still have to wear one at work, so I might as well continue to wear it in public too.

Sparky has a job interview today at the little bakery/cafe in town and he's so excited. We had a long talk about it last night and he's excited, but also confident. He feels like his former experience as a line cook and barista in a local coffee shop will give him a leg up. My only concern, that I, of course, kept to myself so as not to burst his bubble, is that the bakery owners are a very young couple and while they have had employees in the past, it has mostly been college students, so he may not fit their general dynamic since he's older, but we'll see. He's a nice guy, a hard worker, and he's got actual real-world experience, so maybe he will be the right fit. Fingers crossed!

Other than that, life is clicking right along. It has been a super busy week at work and I'm SO glad tomorrow is Friday. This weekend, we have no plans and the weather is supposed to be pretty, so likely lots of front porch sitting with beers in hand. Sounds like a peaceful way to spend some down time to me!


Me 51, H52
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
7 grandkids
Re: Rebuilding and renewal - 4 [Re: AndrewP] #2917556
04/08/21 07:01 PM
04/08/21 07:01 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,705
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Dawn70 Offline
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Oops...sorry about that last part.....I meant to move to my own page and do the entry about Sparky and got sidetracked by a phone call. LOL Didn't mean to hijack you for my own personal story.


Me 51, H52
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
7 grandkids
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