Well, soon I will cross the threshold to Medicare coverage - it will be a great relief to no longer have a $7,000 medical deductible! I have a number of delayed medical appointments that I plan to make as soon as it is in effect.
This does make me think a bit about the next phases of my life. I had my young student phase, my married mom phase, my post-divorce dating and adventures phase. I don't expect to retire until I'm about 70 (and probably will still work part time after that) - divorce has a way of doing that. The immediate next phase will still be complicated by caring for a cancer patient (poor CMM puked up his birthday dinner at 4 this morning). But I am starting to think more about what my life will look like once he's gone (maybe a couple of years from now, who knows).
What do I want more of? Socializing - not so much dating, but friend groups, dinner parties etc. Not exactly my forte but I think very important in retirement years. I'd like to start that Sunday Salon I've always daydreamed about.
Exercise - caring for CMM and my gym being closed during much of the pandemic (and still not a place I feel safe returning to yet) has led to a sharp decline in exercise. Working on getting that back with the 1000 Mile Challenge.
Music - I look forward to being able to resume gigs in the post-pandemic world, and eventually retirement would make me able to go on more and longer tours if they become available.
Arts and crafts - something I did when I was young and single but not so much in my adult life. Also creative time for writing (medical stuff).
Freedom - having a live-in boyfriend just reinforces how much I like to be in control of my own time. As I've often said before, my ideal relationship in the future would be with someone who has their own place and their own life, and is available for weekend dates and sleepovers. Or maybe I'll just give up men and get a dog.
Financial security for my adult children - one of the big reasons I am still working, if they were all totally self-sufficient and well on their way, I could downsize and retire now. But the emotional fallout of divorce and their underlying issues mean they've all had slow starts and I want to make sure they have a leg up, as much as I can help. I'd like them to inherit something from me as I cannot be sure they will get anything from their father's estate.
Travel - my sister and I plan to resume our world travels once the pandemic is safely over.
What do I want less of? Stress - mostly time stress, not being able to fit everything in, or at least, not having the energy to get everything done. I guess there's no one thing I dislike about my life right now, except for the lack of time and energy to do everything I want to do.
Any other suggestions out there for a happy next phase?
Also - looking back at those past phases, if I had any advice to offer for younger women it would be:
Young single phase - learn about dark triad characteristics, value yourself more, don't let infatuation override a sober assessment of whether someone is going to be a good life partner. Don't ignore the red flags!
Married mom phase - Be prepared to be on your own at any time - you never know when disaster or MLC will strike. God bless the child that's got her own.
Post - divorce dating - I have no complaints, although if I had been more focused on a new life partner, I would have advised don't date people who don't fit that model. You only have so much time in your 50's to find a new partner if that's your goal, don't waste it.
I have been on Medicare for just over 2 years and like you want to wait until 70 to collect social security.
Good to start paying in at 65 or else you could have to pay extra by the government for failure to enroll at that time.
I am with you on the energy thing, as I keep getting younger everyday, I have less energy or drive to do things that should be easy. So I guess making my life easier, enjoying my grandchildren and having fun are important things to do while I still am young enough to be able to do them.
I now have had both vaccines and am ready for the world to get back to normal and come see you play on tour!
So this was supposed to be chemo weekend, but CMM’s chemo got postponed because his platelets were too low. Hopefully they will come up enough by next weekend. A bit odd as his white cells and red cells looked great. However his platelets have been drifting down for a while and they don’t want to risk them dropping down into bleeding range after chemo.
Well, CMM's chemo is cancelled again today - his platelet count only came up from 65,000 to 76,000, his doctor wants it to be around 90,000 before he goes through another round. Just as well since he's being treated for a sinus infection right now.
Been reflecting on the Ken Burns documentary about Hemingway, and how many of the women in his life chucked promising careers to take care of the "great writer". Women really are gullible - always thinking that THEY are the one and he won't cheat on THEM - even though he cheated on every one of his wives with his next wife. And it wasn't even for the money - his first two wives bankrolled HIM. I love that his second wife - who was friends with his first wife and snatched him from under her nose - made him get his marriage annulled so he could marry her in the Catholic church. She was then shocked - SHOCKED - when he dumped her 13 years later for yet another woman! His third wife was a war correspondent and the only one with the gumption to dump him first and not give up her career. (There's a movie on their life together starring Nicole Kidman, called Hemingway and Gellhorn).
He was a mess at the end, but it wasn't just his drinking - the man had a crazy number of head injuries and concussions in his life, he undoubtedly had CTE in the end too. Plus the family history was full of suicides.
Still, lots of interesting commentary on his writing by a number of famous writers, it's quite worth watching the documentary.
@kml, I think you just cured me of ANY chance of me (40s/M) feeling chemistry towards 28F, lol. I'm going to start wondering, when I got married in my 20s, how old was she?!
Some age gaps shock me. My ex-GFs H was early 50s and re-married someone late 20s! There's an "Eww" factor when you date someone young enough to be your child.
My online dating settings have usually been -5yrs to +5yrs, and offline I've dated -5 to +9yrs. I do think I should be more liberal with ages the next time I date. Limit on attraction. Limit on values. Don't limit on a number. Maybe -12 to +12 with the knowledge I'll end up closing more people in the 8-12yr range for lack of attraction. At -12yrs, they couldn't have been my child unless I had a really messed up childhood, lol. (:
My ex remarried someone 19 years younger then him - I kinda feel sorry for her, I got all his best years. Still, I can't really talk, I did have a couple of brief flings with men that were way too young for me after my divorce. Really only one guy that I dated since my divorce was older (by 2 years). The rest have been generally 5-10 years younger. Not by choice, really, it just worked out that way. My age didn't seem to be an issue to any of them.
I think more important than absolute age is stage in life. If you date younger and she hasn't had kids, you have to think if you're willing to have more kids. Me, my kids are grown, I didn't want to date anyone who was still raising young children. (Which a surprising number of guys in their 50's were doing!). If I dated a guy who is retired and wants to travel, I wouldn't be a fit for him for a few more years until I retire. But I figure a guy 5-10 years younger averages out the longer expected lifespan for a woman.
